Tips
Sep 12, 2022 22:01
18 answers
美惺（みさと）
?
Send a reverse offer to this responder
Other
I think the problem was that I failed to consider the other person’s feelings.
After being together for two years, ending things over such a flimsy reason probably wasn’t right either…
That said, I also think there’s more about people’s feelings that we can’t understand than we can. What people say isn’t always how they truly feel, and their feelings can change from one moment to the next.
So I recommend not assuming someone is a good person, making an effort to understand them, paying close attention to their reactions, and reflecting on your own behavior.
Other
Could the woman he was seeing have been that same girl who, quite a while ago on the Q&A box, said something like, “I’m going to give all of them the worst breakup ever in just a little while… They’ll be shocked because I’m being such a good girl right now,” and called him a fucking old man?
I thought about looking through the old questions, but there were just too many. Does anyone remember?!
As for the answer to the question, I think they were both pushing themselves too hard. I don’t think either one of them was entirely to blame.
I hope you’ll make another offer and meet someone wonderful. You had two fun, dreamy years together, so why not just be grateful for that and think, “Thank you”?
She’s probably already blocked you anyway, so there’s no point in saying anything now.
🏅 あなたの味方
お役に立てれば幸いです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe staff
> What did I do wrong?
It comes through in your writing, but I think the first thing you need to do is stop posting in this Q&A box.
If you stop posting here, I think you’ll start to understand what you’ve been doing—but I suppose you’ll be back to write again.
I’m sorry if I’ve mistaken you for someone else just because the writing style is similar, but even looking at this post alone, there are no paragraph breaks, and you do come across as someone who doesn’t think about the reader.
So I think it’s understandable that people would call you “an insensitive old fossil who can’t consider other people’s feelings.”
Other
The line, “I was getting bored, so I let her go with some made-up excuse, and now she’s sending me messages out of spite,” made me think you might be the type who naturally looks down on the women you date.
Just because you’re giving a woman money doesn’t mean you get to control the relationship. Don’t even let yourself think that for a moment. It will show in your attitude, and she’ll distance herself from you right then and there.
And as for “let her go”—no matter how slangy the term is, women aren’t fish. That’s exactly the problem. I hope that from now on, you’ll treat women sincerely and have relationships that are as equal as possible.
🏅 パパ活歴7年目突入
彼氏/既婚/他パパ/セフレOK/全力応援
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
What goes around comes around, I suppose.
If we don’t reflect on our own actions, we may end up facing something even worse someday.
I’ll be careful too.
Other
Dating for two years and then just casually breaking up—that’s quite something.
Since everyone else has already pointed that out, I’ll set it aside. If you were rejected that cleanly, at least you won’t have to dwell on it afterward.
I’m honestly jealous.
Other
Wow, the answers are really pouring in. It’s like someone set off Valsan insecticide. I haven’t come across anyone in a while I wanted to call “Balsan.” By the way, “Balsan” sounds a bit like “Abusan.” The only thing they have in common is “san,” so it has absolutely nothing to do with the ID, lol. Abusan was a drinker too, so it works out fine.
I have two things to say: (1) You were loved. (2) Think carefully about why you’re ending things.
First, (1). Sending someone a lengthy, carefully crafted stream of abuse takes a fair amount of energy. You don’t do that to someone you don’t care about. The opposite of love isn’t hatred—it’s indifference. Hatred is actually just a hair’s breadth away from love, in my opinion.
I don’t know how much you received, but when I once had a strange breakup with a woman I’d been seeing happily for four years, she sent me similarly abusive emails—long messages over the course of three days, criticizing absolutely everything, from our usual conversations and how I handled intimacy to the way I gave her the allowance. She said she was going to delete her account, but a few years later she emailed me about something completely unrelated, lol. Anyway, there’s no doubt that the energy it takes to write a long LINE message is love turned inside out. Understand that first.
Now for (2). The problem is that you “got bored and let her go with some half-baked excuse.” Come on—you’d been happily seeing each other for two years, right? You got bored and tossed her aside like a child throwing away a toy?
Look, I’m no saint, so I’ll be honest: there have been women I kept seeing for a long time even though I wasn’t serious about them. But whenever things started heading in the direction of a romantic relationship, I put on the brakes. I never said outright, “I’m not serious about you,” but I made it clear through my behavior. Conversely, if I was serious, I went all in, of course. But in either case, I would never “let someone go for some random reason.” A month or two would be one thing, but this was two years. I want you to seriously consider the weight of that time.
Conclusion: You are 100% in the wrong. You’re the one who transformed so drastically that it’s hard to believe, based on the impression you gave her while you were seeing each other. All that abuse is nothing less than proof of just how deeply you hurt her. Don’t blame the woman. I understand that, being immature, you can’t face it all directly—but you should take your time, read the entire message, and try to understand what was going on in the heart of the woman who wrote it.
It’s like slowly easing yourself into a hot bath. Now immerse yourself completely, all the way up to your head. Let your face get hot too, and really think about it. You’re not the only one who’s hurt. You’re engaging in a pastime that carries that much sin.
If you’re going to continue this kind of activity, this is something you absolutely need to learn from. A man who can be loved that deeply by a woman has no business remaining the kind of asshole who ends things with a bad ending. Become the kind of man who can enjoy this lifestyle with style and dignity. Become the kind of man a woman can proudly say, even after the breakup, “It was a relationship involving money, but I truly loved him.”
You have the potential. So make the most of what little life you have left. You’re thinking, “You too,” aren’t you? Exactly—I know. Shut up, lol.
Taro
🏅 ４０歳でリアル異世界転生したオッサン l 元金融マン → 現ＡＩ界隈
出張ホストの実技試験合格してるので、対女性への無難な前戯とかマナーに一定の知見あり。
Age: 40s
👨 Male
Universe member
Hmm, I get the feeling that ignorance is bliss.
It’s really just a matter of whether you fart after closing the door, or close the door after farting.
This time, it just happened to be the latter.
But even in the former case, you still fart after closing the door. So to all the men saying, “I’ve never had anyone fart on me”—you’ve had a big one let loose after the door was closed.
The fart is there. Guaranteed.
But honestly, that fart isn’t necessarily such a bad thing. Can you understand that? Once you do, you’ll be standing on a whole different level.
Anyway, let’s take every bit of the abuse from women head-on, without letting even a millimeter of it slip past, and enjoy it with our nipples standing at attention, brother.
🏅 倶楽部女性のご主人様に潤いを！
Mパパ、永遠の交際継続中！
B1タイプ〜A寄りパパです！
会う度大人は嫌と感じる方………ご相談ください。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
Don’t get bored—don’t date someone you’re going to get bored with!
That just means neither of you had any real appeal and it was boring. It wasn’t a relationship.
Don’t bother giving each other reasons for such a dull relationship.
Don’t be together if you can’t appreciate each other…
Other
It was probably because you trampled on the woman’s pride and dignity. This question itself amounts to nothing more than you declaring, “I’m the kind of person who has relationships like that.” How embarrassing.
You really had the nerve to come here and write about being treated that way, lol. The questioner’s arrogance has been exposed twice over, hasn’t it? lol
If the shock was directed not at the woman but at yourself, then at least that would be somewhat understandable. Though I suppose that’s why you were able to put it on display here, lol.
Whatever the reason, being told that the relationship is over is shocking for the other person. When ending things, you need to be even more considerate than when starting them, so as not to hurt their dignity as much as possible. Anyone with even a little gratitude should naturally be capable of that. Still, some women leave parting shots—please try to understand where they’re coming from.
The fact that so many parting shots built up means the other person was deeply hurt. For the questioner not to understand even that, you really are incredibly insensitive, aren’t you? lol
Right to the very end, it’s all about you, isn’t it? What a clueless person.
🏅 プロおぢ。ほんとはプロパパと名乗りたいけど名乗るほどの実力がない名古屋の汚っさんです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
Isn’t that exactly the problem? Wouldn’t most people realize when they’re putting someone through something unreasonable?
If you really thought, “What did I do wrong?” while giving her an allowance of only 30,000 or 40,000 yen, then you’re living in a fantasy world. Having to be intimate with a man in his 60s for less than ¥50,000 per meeting is sheer torture.
She only met you because she needed the money, and she was only friendly for the same reason.
Also, women who can pass the Universe Club screening and keep a papa for two years are incredibly popular with men their own age in the real world. So if one of them gets dumped by some man in his 60s, of course she’ll want to unleash every insult imaginable.
Other
I’m Ryo, one of the female respondents.
If you got bored and tried to let her go by making up some convenient excuse, she must have sensed it pretty clearly. She probably felt deeply hurt, thinking things like:
“You didn’t value me.”
“You looked down on me.”
“You didn’t take me seriously.”
That’s why she responded with words full of resentment. In a sense, it was simply the result of your own actions—you made her feel and act that way.
Going forward, I think you should treat the woman you’re seeing sincerely, as another person—not look down on her, take her lightly, or assume that giving her money means you can do whatever you want.
This ended up being similar to the other answers, but I hope it helps.
Other
I figured I’d answer before going to bed.
This is Potassium.
Well, if you get bored and let her go with some half-hearted excuse, of course she’ll resent you.
I feel like it would be much cleaner to end things by giving her a serious enough reason to think, “This guy is bad news… I don’t want anything to do with him,” lol.
Women aren’t always that kind, you know.
A lot of girls do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the money, so it’s probably more cutthroat than a normal relationship.
I think this might be a good opportunity to take a hard look at yourself. Posting in an anonymous Q&A box isn’t going to magically solve anything, so you’re probably better off facing yourself directly.
That’s just my personal opinion, though.
🏅 日没を遅らせる唯一の方法は日没に向かって走り続けることだ
名古屋支店登録で、男性会員としての登録名もマックさんです。コラム多数書いてますのでよろしければご参照ください。20代の細身女性が好みで逆オファーには前向きです。経験無いまたは少ない方大歓迎。
Age: 60s
👨 Male
Universe member
If there’s anything to reflect on, it would be your poor judgment in getting involved with a woman who turned out to be such a person to avoid. I’ve had someone end things unpleasantly too, though not to that extent. It still makes me angry just thinking about it.
If I had to point to one thing, it would be this: “I’m getting bored, so I’ll make up some excuse and let her go.” That’s what you did wrong. Maybe the lame excuse you wrote only made her even more furious? The safest option is to delete the messages without reading them. No matter how long a LINE message she sends you, once you read it, you’ve already lost.
P.S.
Everyone seems to be criticizing the questioner, and I can understand why—he does come across as pretty insensitive. But if you ask me who’s in the wrong, it’s the woman.
If she was going to lash out like that at the end, she should’ve declined the date from the start! If the arrangement lasted two years and she received an allowance, the least she could’ve done was show some gratitude at the end. I’m getting angry myself, even though it has nothing to do with me. I hate women—or rather, people—like this more than anything.
A～Dまで一通りオファーの経験あり、多くても月１程度でLINEはスケジュール調整のみ、スマートに無理なく長期交際するスタイルです。
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
I thought it was pretty selfish of him to end things with some flimsy excuse just because he was getting bored, then act hurt and depressed when someone did the same to him.
Next time, I’d recommend treating your partner more sincerely.
Other
You really can’t tell what people are thinking, can you? (´・ω・｀)
If interacting with him is making you uncomfortable, you could block him. He won’t see that you’ve read his messages, so he may eventually give up.
Maybe the woman got annoyed because you gave her a flimsy excuse?
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I think the problem was that I got bored and let her go with some flimsy excuse.
Actually, I think there’s something wrong with being the kind of person who asks other people about something like that.
👨 Male
Universe member
Well, I imagine you’re sending all kinds of things while you have the chance, but I think there are probably one or two things in there that you yourself know are true. I hope you’ll use them to reflect on what happened this time.
P.S.
> And if you get rejected by some old guy in his sixties on top of that, it’s only natural to want to hurl every insult in the book at him.
Haha!
You got it, Mr. Loser—
Bull’s-eye! First prize!（笑）