I've been seeing a girl for quite some time, and we have a good relationship. She doesn't seem to have any other partners. We occasionally message each other on LINE, both for making plans and for casual conversation, but sometimes she replies quickly, while other times she suddenly leaves my messages unread for two or three days.
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Is she simply getting tired of replying, or is she playing games? What do you think? When her replies suddenly stop, I can't help feeling unsettled.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Universe male member
For your own peace of mind, it’s probably better to assume he has other partners rather than convince yourself he doesn’t.
If you’re already feeling uneasy, you’ve lost at papa-katsu. To avoid making him feel bothered, you should also see other women and spread your feelings around.
Keep it fun and don’t let it become too serious.
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If it’s bothering you, stop making small talk.
Even if she’s slow to respond to casual conversation, she’ll usually reply relatively quickly when there’s something specific to discuss.
Rather than seeing it as a game of give-and-take, wouldn’t it be less stressful to date her assuming that’s just the kind of person she is?
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I’m probably Potassium (a female member), with reasonably quick LINE replies and typing.
For me, a long-term arrangement doesn’t involve playing games.
I’m pretty addicted to my phone—except when I’m asleep, it may as well be glued to my hand. But about a week after starting to see someone, I get bored once. Then, as we keep messaging, I get interested again and go through a phase of replying instantly, only to get bored again. It just keeps repeating.
When I lose interest, it’s usually because my mood fluctuates or I’ve temporarily become obsessed with something else.
That said, I don’t recommend sending follow-up LINE messages when this happens, because it makes me lose interest even more. It’s enough to make my blood run cold—it totally kills the mood, lol. Sometimes I even think, “Do you have no emotional maturity?”
(By the way, I’ve also argued with my papa over fluctuations in our LINE reply speed, so I suppose the questioner and I probably feel the same way as our papas do.)
But I thought, “Sorry, papa, I can’t control my mood swings when I’m alone…” So I told him, “I only reply when I feel like replying and am able to.” We’ve settled on that for now, lol.
I don’t think you should worry about it too much. If it bothers you, it might be better to date multiple people.
Well, I guess it’s like this: At work, I had to answer within three rings and reply within an hour unless I was in a sales negotiation. I also sent progress-update emails whenever anything changed.
But papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t the same as my old sales job, where I was selling tens of millions of yen worth of products. It’s not work, so please just let me have my freedom.
That’s just my personal opinion.
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How do you know she doesn’t seem to have anyone else she’s seeing?
Since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it wouldn’t be unusual for her to have other supporters.
And I assume you’re seeing other women through papa-katsu too, right? It’s awfully selfish to think it’s fine for you but forbid your partner from seeing multiple people.
Also, leaving your messages unread for two or three days? In my opinion, that’s not something I’d do. She leaves them unread because she finds you annoying.
Maybe she’d read your messages sooner if you offered a little more allowance.
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(Laughs)
I don’t think it’s probably a mind game or anything!
Maybe they’re busy or not feeling well?
I have good days and bad days health-wise too.
I’m usually the type to stay in touch as much as I can, but when I get a really bad migraine, even looking at a screen feels exhausting, so I can’t reply… There are times when I’m just in no state to deal with anything else (*´•ω•`*)
You might come across as kinder if you don’t blame them or send follow-up messages too persistently.
One person said, “Honestly, you’re so selfish~,” but then brought me lots of cake the next time, gave me some aromatherapy products, and even gave me an Amazon gift card wrapped up cutely. I actually cried so much.
For now, let’s wrap them in kindness♪
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Maybe he’s busy with work, tired, lost in thought, or simply saying, “Sorry, I can’t do LINE right now.”
If things are going well between you, just wait as you are. You’ll get a reply eventually.
The following is just an unnecessary little brag, but in our case, sometimes we reply right away, while even when we can’t, we always get back to each other by the next morning.
We’ve been together for four years, and that’s continued ever since we started seeing each other. On our last day off, we even exchanged three rounds of messages—maybe that was a bit much… lol
She’s already graduated from papa-katsu, so she’s essentially the exclusive partner of one papa.
If a papa focuses all his attention on just one woman, she may well return that same level of commitment, regardless of the age gap.
Both men and women who step into the world of dating clubs may already be quite far removed from society’s general ideas of what’s normal. But my honest feeling—and ours—is that “being in a relationship isn’t so bad!” (I don’t mean making money, lol).
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Here’s an example from my own experience of leaving someone’s messages unread or on read for two or three days—or even longer.
Sometimes I forget that I hid an incoming LINE message, then remember it a few days later, or notice it when they send me another message.
When it’s a woman, as Nana-san and Date◎Yume-san have written:
> In my opinion, it’s simply not possible for me to leave someone’s messages unread for two or three days.
> I leave them unread because they’re annoying.
It probably means she sees you as someone she doesn’t really care about.
I think you’d get a reply within half a day at the latest, or by the following afternoon, so you wouldn’t be left feeling unsettled. The only time there’d be a gap is when it’s a message that doesn’t require a reply. I wouldn’t forget about a girl I really liked, either.
Try to be a little more thoughtful: don’t reply faster than she does, don’t send messages more often than she does, and keep them about the same length as hers. When it’s an exchange that doesn’t require a reply, sometimes don’t reply from your side either.
Whether it’s LINE or a phone call, I’m incredibly happy to hear from her, so be careful and make sure that happiness can continue.
P.S.
If LINE is making you feel anxious, the right thing to do is probably to give up and move on. People normally don’t make someone they care about feel bad through LINE, so if she finds you troublesome when you’re together, she probably finds you even more bothersome deep down.
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Since work is my top priority and I’m busy, and I’m also seeing multiple people, I’ve never really gotten hung up over delayed LINE replies.
When you’re busy, you don’t have much time to dwell on something as minor as a LINE message anyway.
Maybe it’s just a matter of personality—I’m not really sure. Some girls don’t reply for a week, but we’re still close, I think.
There may also be a theory that it depends on whether the allowance is generous or low-paying, but at my level, that doesn’t seem to make much difference（笑）
(Though I wonder if they’d reply instantly if I gave them more.)
That said, even in a regular relationship, there are times when something leaves me completely puzzled（笑）
Also, everyone has their own attitude and personality. So, as some answers occasionally suggest, it’s definitely not true that someone will always reply instantly to every papa (a male supporter) who’s important to her.
That’s probably either the type who gets easily emotionally invested, or the type who’s extremely good at her job and has learned to reply instantly to high-value clients.
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You’re still in your 30s, so you’re young, and it’s understandable that you feel unsettled. But little by little, I want you to become the kind of man who doesn’t get shaken even when someone leaves you on read—or doesn’t read your message at all.
The reason is simple: that will make you more attractive.
Even I, despite having spent my younger years playing around with women like there was no tomorrow, went through a phase like that. I still feel bothered sometimes, but all you can do is grit your teeth and bear it.
Right now, your youth may make you popular, but as you age, you won’t be able to rely on your looks as much. You’ll have to win people over with the composure of a mature man. So let’s train yourself little by little.
Being popular right now doesn’t really matter. If you don’t save your peak popularity for when men start losing their edge, you’ll end up living a lonely life.
For now, I want you to work hard, earn well, become a successful man, and enjoy your glamorous 50s and your peak in your 60s.
P.S.
Seattle-san’s answer is definitely the best answer.
I also see multiple women so I don’t become emotionally unstable over my No. 1.
P.P.S.
No matter how much I like a woman, if I feel she’s getting too full of herself, I cut her off without hesitation.
Then sometimes we get back together six months later or so. It’s for her sake, too. I don’t want her to end up making a mess of married life. I want to guide her properly and help her leave on good terms.
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That’s exactly what my No. 1 papa is like.
When that happens, I contact my No. 2 and go out with him. It’s creepy, so don’t send No. 1 papa any emotionally unstable LINE messages. Let’s not forget that, as far as they’re concerned, we’re just ATMs.
“Why aren’t you replying? So that’s all this relationship means to you. Hellooo, are you alive? (spamming weird stickers) Were you really asleep again?”
You’d look like one of those people to avoid who calls her host or scout boyfriend.
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That sounds like a question from a girl who’s falling in love. It could be the beginning of a seriously obsessed stalker, so it’s best to nip it in the bud early.
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