I'm lost about what to do with my life.

I’m not really sure what you mean（笑） Let me start with the funnier interpretation. If you met a company owner for the first time, exchanged business cards, sat down, and your very first words were, “Actually, I’m a virgin—is that okay?” he’d probably think you were seriously out there. If you felt it was dangerous even to reject him outright, then turning him down indirectly would be perfectly natural. Now, a different scenario. Suppose you met the man, things went well, and he said something like, “I’d like to get physical with you tonight—what do you think?” He probably wouldn’t put it that bluntly（笑）, but if you responded by popping up a dialog box saying, “I’m a virgin. Is that a problem? Yes/No,” I’d say that was the ultimate blunder. This applies to anything in life, not just intimacy, but moving up to the next level takes a fair amount of momentum. You get the other person to feel that they’ve already come this far, and have them go along with you, even if somewhat forcefully. Your first job, your first client, your first date—aren’t the “firsts” in life always like that? If you ask for permission beforehand, you’ll usually just be told no. No patient would agree if they were told in advance, “Today’s surgery will be performed by a resident doing their first operation,” right?（笑） And yet, that’s how great doctors emerge. That’s probably why you’re still a virgin in your twenties. It’s not about looking ordinary. Even female comedians who make a living off being unattractive aren’t virgins. Getting close to someone also means asserting yourself and sometimes imposing on them. There’s no need to hold back. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, but sometimes it does. That’s how everyone moves forward. Find your courage and take one more step. There is absolutely a man out there who will fall madly in love with you. I guarantee you that much. Taro

I’d be put off if I found out that a woman I liked was promiscuous, but normally I’d be happy to learn she was a virgin. On the other hand, if she were just someone I wanted to have fun with, I’d be fine with her being a virgin if she were extremely cute—but if she weren’t that attractive, I might avoid virgins. Recently, I met someone who was almost a virgin privately and we had sex, but even with lubricant, it was too painful for her and penetration wasn’t possible, so we gave up. I won’t invite her to have sex again.

Maybe he casually approached you just looking to have some fun, then found out you were a virgin and thought, “That’s too much work,” so he backed off, didn’t he? By “too much,” he probably meant that it would be a hassle to coax you through the pain and get intimate, and that if you caught serious feelings afterward and clung to him, it would be another hassle to break things off. In short, that man is looking for someone to have fun with.

> What do you think is behind “I can’t deal with virgins”? They may think she’s lying, or assume that intimacy wouldn’t be enjoyable. > What does it mean when someone says it would be “too much trouble”? I think it’s because they feel they’d have to be considerate of the other person in various ways.

Female member, Potassium, here. It must be painful to be turned down because you’re a virgin... These days, people seem to be more open about sex than they used to be, so it’s becoming less common to think that you can’t date or get married unless you’re a virgin. Still, there are certainly people who have had experiences completely opposite to yours. So, in the end, I think it comes down to luck—whether or not you happen to meet someone like that. It’s not that you lack appeal; your values simply didn’t align. If this experience has lowered your confidence even a little, I hope you’ll regain it. Working on yourself will also help build your confidence. Let’s become women so amazing that the business owner who turned you down this time ends up thinking, “What a waste,” and regrets it! By then, I’m sure your current worries will have disappeared, and you’ll have grown into an even more impressive woman. Like the other respondent said, only that man himself knows how he really feels. This may be a little off-topic, but here’s my personal theory: I think people who don’t want to be with a virgin may feel that, when seeking pleasure through intimacy, they can’t fully enjoy it because they’re too concerned about being considerate of their partner. (One respondent likes virgins, so I personally think that’s simply a preference, haha.) As for the feeling that it would be too much trouble, I think it means they haven’t developed strong enough feelings for the other person to be emotionally affected by them. That’s my theory, anyway. You still have a long life ahead of you, so let’s keep meeting all kinds of people, enjoying life, and working on becoming our best selves together. We may never meet, but I’m rooting for you. It’s okay to feel lost in life—just keep moving forward!

On the other hand, why did you tell him beforehand that you were a virgin? If you chose to tell him in advance, I assume you had some particular intention in mind. If you didn’t, then I don’t think there was any need to mention it. Some women simply go to a hotel as usual and only reveal that it’s their first time when things are about to progress. If you had no particular motive and felt that this person would be okay as your first, you could have continued into an adult relationship (intimate). > “What kind of mindset makes someone say they can’t be with a virgin?” I think it varies from person to person. Some may believe it’s better to share that experience with someone they truly love, while others may dislike it because they simply don’t enjoy sex itself. Everyone has different reasons, so it’s difficult to generalize. If you felt this person would be okay, then next time, I think it would be better not to mention it and simply go to the hotel. That said, it’s important to carefully assess the man, so I hope you’ll make sure he’s someone you genuinely feel good about.

I don’t know whether the person found it troublesome specifically because the questioner was a virgin, or whether they simply felt that, overall, the relationship would be too much trouble and didn’t want to pursue it. If you’re dating someone normally, being a virgin itself is rarely a negative—though it depends on your age. If they were only looking for something casual, they may have found it troublesome, but only that person knows what they really meant. People can have very different feelings about someone being “too much trouble.” Personally, when it’s someone I like, I actually find that side of them endearing and can accept it. But if I don’t feel that way about them, it’s simply a hassle, and I don’t want to get involved. I don’t want to go out of my way to date someone troublesome, especially now that I no longer need to.

Everyone’s different, so I can’t make a blanket statement about their motives. Personally, I’d find it more trouble than it’s worth. When you’re doing something with someone who’s not on the same level as you, you have to be mindful of them. As for sex, being with a virgin would probably mean spending all my time being careful, and I doubt I’d enjoy it much myself. Even if she isn’t a virgin, I’m not into someone who just lies there passively, either. Since this is a Q&A forum about dating clubs, I’ll give a dating-club-style answer too: I honestly don’t understand why anyone would want to pay an allowance for boring sex. That said, apparently virgin women tend to receive a flood of offers, so I guess people really do have very different preferences. In the end, everyone’s different. There’s no point asking complete strangers about someone else’s feelings.