I’ve been dating a man for a week, and there’s an age gap of more than 15 years between us. He’s divorced and has a child.
He sometimes says he worries about the age difference and the fact that he’s divorced with a child, and wonders whether it’s really okay for him to date someone so young.
But I’d like to marry him someday. That’s how much I feel I love him.
If I opened up to him and said things like:
“My parents forced me to join a marriage agency because they said I’m at the right age to get married. I really hate it.”
“I’d love to have a dog, but I’m hesitant because I’d hate for the person I marry someday to have a dog that doesn’t get along with mine, or to be allergic to dogs.” (The man I’m dating already has a dog.)
…and other honest feelings like that, would he start keeping his distance from me?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
As everyone says, don’t rush things—take your time and see how things develop.
There’s a saying: “Haste makes waste.”
Take it one step at a time, make sure you’re both on the same page, and move forward gradually.
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I’m Himatan, and I used to date someone 16 years older than me.
Since this is the same question again, are you the usual person? I’m sorry my answer is always the same, haha.
I think you need to become a little more intimate with him first.
You mentioned that the man has children, so just to clarify: does that mean he has custody of them and is a single father? (That’s how it sounds from the context, right?)
If so, his children will come first.
- If we remarry and then end up divorcing again, will my precious children be hurt?
- Will my own children get along with his girlfriend?
I’m sure all kinds of thoughts like these are running through his mind.
So, if you want to get a dog, try getting his children to naturally become dog lovers, and let things develop from there.
If you keep pushing only what you want, you may end up breaking up.
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I’m not a parent, but I’ll answer as a divorced man.
First, I think you should find out whether he actually wants to remarry.
Some men may hesitate to remarry a woman 15 years younger because they worry about how they would explain it to the people around them.
As for me, people often ask whether I’m considering remarrying, but I always say no for now because I feel that getting divorced twice would be embarrassing.
Once I’m around 60, my parents have passed away, and I no longer have to worry about what others think, I might look for a partner to enjoy the rest of our lives together—someone more like a friend who shares my hobbies.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a woman I could live with only when I wanted to keep a dog, though（笑）.
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I’m currently doing rehab at an orthopedic clinic after injuring myself from overdoing strength training, and a cute physical therapist has been assigned to me, so this loser is over the moon.
Sorry for being unbelievably creepy, but I’m going after her and I’m absolutely going to win her over.
As for the question: yeah, you definitely shouldn’t tell her. There’s absolutely nothing to gain from it.
Tell her if you end up moving in together—or getting married.
By the way, Rin, your memory is incredible. I’m seriously impressed.
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If this is the same person as in your previous questions, there’s no need to hesitate—you can be as direct as Seattle has been.
Given that he’s older than you, has been married and divorced, and is raising his child, I think he probably has a great deal of emotional capacity.
He’ll likely be understanding about most things.
That said, feeling that you’d eventually like to get married is a separate matter. Rather than rushing, take your time and make sure of your own feelings. It’s not good to stay overly excited from the very beginning or jump to conclusions. Try to be a little more cautious.
The reason is that he is extremely calm and level-headed.
Having been through a divorce, he may also be wary and not want to make the same mistake again. Since he thinks things through carefully, I believe he’ll make his decisions calmly, regardless of how excited you are.
If you appear to be neglecting the important things he would want in a marriage, he may decide that marrying you would be a bad idea or simply impossible, and give up—even if your romantic relationship grows much deeper.
I think it’s important to stay calm without relying on him too much, and gradually deepen your understanding of each other until you truly connect.
If you take advantage of the fact that he forgives you and lean on him for everything, he may conclude that marriage isn’t something he can consider with you, because he knows that marriage is different from dating.
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He’s a hesitant, insecure guy, so being that indirect won’t work. At that rate, it’ll take five years to get married.
Be direct and straightforward.
Tell him, “I want to marry you. I want us to have lots of dogs together,” a hundred times if necessary—and maybe even go try out a wedding venue next month.
It’s perfectly fine for a woman to do that much these days. That kind of approach would probably suit him better.
And if it still doesn’t feel right, you can always get divorced again.
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Is this the person?
First of all, congratulations on starting a relationship.
I’m glad you were able to be with someone you like!
If someone said something that heavy after only a week of dating, I’d feel pretty uncomfortable too…
Isn’t that the kind of thing you gradually come to understand about each other as the relationship develops?
Your partner probably has their own thoughts on the matter, and personally, I don’t think marriage is everything.
Wouldn’t it be better to first focus on whether being together makes both of you feel happy and at ease?
P.S. I wouldn’t say I have an especially good memory, but I remembered because the 15-year age gap was the same as the one I had with my ex, and I thought it was unusual to see a relationship question here!
And if you are that same person, I think you had asked questions here three or four times.
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