This is more of a question than a concern, but lately I’ve repeatedly come across women who don’t send a thank-you message after the first date.
In those cases, I send an email or LINE message the following evening saying something like, “Thanks for yesterday.”
It doesn’t seem to be simply because they disliked me and didn’t want to say thank you. When I contact them, we can usually carry on a normal conversation and even make plans for the next date.
Until now—more specifically, before COVID—even women I didn’t end up making plans with for a second date would almost always send a thank-you message after the first date, either later that day or by the following morning at the latest.
My question is: are women advised during their interviews to send a thank-you message?
Or, without even needing such advice, were the women I met before simply more considerate, and has the quality of women joining recently changed?
Of course, expressing thanks should go both ways, so from a man’s perspective it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but...
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
Female member Potassium here.
I apologize in advance, but I’m not trying to argue with the other respondents’ opinions.
Regarding the questioner’s answer, the club does provide guidance.
I joined about three months ago, and after the interview, didn’t you receive an email from the club with the wording “Female members, please be sure to check this” and a link to a video? (Or was that only at the branch where I registered?)
The video explains the rules and precautions, including a reminder not to forget to send a thank-you message afterward (around the 4:49 mark).
(I mean, you’d think this would be obvious and wouldn’t need to be written down, but I guess some people don’t do it, which is why they have to spell it out.)
It also goes over allowances and transportation costs—specifically, that the club does not guarantee transportation expenses for the first date and that you should negotiate that yourself—as well as various requests from the club and things you should not say when declining an adult relationship (intimate).
Personally, once you register, you’re a member of the club, so I think you need to follow at least the basic rules.
(Of course, since every relationship with a man is different, there may be times when you need to respond flexibly and deviate from the rules. But there should still be some basic standards.)
I absolutely think you should watch the videos provided by the club, and keep their contents in mind before starting an arrangement.
That’s just my opinion.
Maybe they didn’t properly watch the video because they’re unable to express thanks or appreciation?
Hmm… The last part is just my personal opinion, but I honestly feel so sorry for the staff member who made that video…
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She’s already popular and has plenty of generous (well-paying) papas.
She’s being cold because adding any more papas would be too much to handle.
If she’s fun to be around, you’ll need the money—and the determination—to get past that.
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Some women follow up, while others don’t.
I’m fine either way.
If it bothers you that the woman doesn’t send a thank-you message, why not ask her to do so?
As for the club, it has no obligation to educate or coach women—it simply introduces them. So it ultimately depends on the woman.
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I’m on SALON, but I’ve never been told anything like that.
I think it depends on the person. Personally, I feel uncomfortable if I don’t send a thank-you message right away…
Of course, I thank them again after the meal as well.
Whether it’s a man or a woman, whether they treated me or not, I’ll thank them for making time to meet me, or for listening to me. Sometimes I’ll just say I had a great time! It varies.
Maybe you just happened to meet someone who doesn’t usually reach out.
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Was there really any need to give that kind of advice in the first place? Or were the women you dealt with before simply exceptional, while the quality of women lately has changed?
☆Honestly, by the time you’re 20, you’d think you’d understand something that obvious without staff having to spell it out…
You probably just happened to offer someone who was far too unreasonable.
Apparently, there have been news reports about “papa-katsu hunters,” so everyone please be careful.
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Are women advised to send a thank-you email after the first meeting?
They may not be giving that advice these days.
If no such advice is provided, then in this age of gender equality, I think it’s understandable for someone to feel, as you do, that “the thank-you should go both ways.”
A man might think, “I treated her to dinner, so the least she could do is thank me.” But she already thanked him at the time, didn’t she?
So it’s not unreasonable nowadays to wonder, “What exactly am I thanking him for after we’ve already gone our separate ways?”
Of course, even personally, I’d be happier to receive a thank-you afterward, and I do think women are better off sending one because it leaves a better impression on men.
Still, from the perspective of “What am I thanking him for?”, I think it would also be perfectly fine for the man to send one first.
Times are changing rapidly. I hope we can come to enjoy noticing those differences and thinking, “That’s just the way things are in this era.”
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If you want to date younger women, you need to be broad-minded enough not to nitpick over something as minor as a thank-you text.
It’s probably best to think of them as people from a different country, with completely different ideas about common sense.
If it bothers you that much, either stop seeing her or look for someone in a slightly older age group who seems more grounded.
That said, I personally prefer a woman who’s a little scatterbrained but can communicate normally over a “professional” papa-katsu woman who gets every interaction exactly right.
Marika
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That does happen sometimes.
If we’d exchanged contact information, she would usually send me a thank-you LINE within a few minutes of heading home after our first meeting.
Maybe she also thought, “If he likes me, he’ll message me.” If the relationship is continuing, though, I don’t think there’s any need to worry about it.
The stereotypical papa-katsu girl—seeing you off until you’re out of sight, sending a thank-you message right away, maintaining eye contact and sitting up straight while talking, and so on—can actually feel a little off-putting when she’s just too flawless, without the slightest opening.
P.S.
With younger girls, most of them send not only a thank-you message on the first day, but also tons of LINE messages about what they did that day, seemingly excited and having fun. Some will send around 100 messages…
But apparently sending that many messages is pretty normal, and it probably has nothing to do with whether you’re compatible or whether the relationship will continue.
Ah, I see… It’s probably because on the first day, you go out and visit all kinds of places. If you spend half a day or more together going here and there, you’ll naturally have a lot to talk about… And a girl who leaves the entire first day open probably isn’t a professional papa-katsu girl, at least.
If she has plans scheduled exactly four and a half hours later on the first day, you won’t get that many LINE messages.
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I always send a thank-you email before the woman does, so I honestly don’t understand the idea that she should be the one to reach out first.
I believe that precisely because I’m relatively well-established socially and financially comfortable, I should be the one to show humility. But I guess everyone sees it differently.
Also, if I had to guess, are you mainly making offers to younger women? Once they reach their late twenties and gain more experience in society, I think their manners tend to improve in that regard.
Though, what do I know.
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