I recently joined.

Don’t deliberately cut off promising opportunities! I realized that relationships should be judged not by the amount of money involved, but by the man in front of you.

Three hours round trip? That’s a perfectly normal distance and travel time to me… I’ve even had trips that took four hours. From the second meeting onward, he’ll come pick you up by car somewhere reasonably close to you. As for 5,000 yen, I’ve only ever received that once, so if you’re young, I think he’ll give you 10,000 yen. For places that are far away, just think of it as a little trip. It can actually be pretty fun. Post lots of it on Instagram. But if you still feel it isn’t worth your time and effort, you should quit—and withdraw from the service.

I don’t know where you live or how much your transportation costs, but I feel like the travel expenses should have been discussed before accepting the offer. Even if it took over an hour each way, I’d probably meet him once. If it still felt impossible after meeting, I could simply turn him down… Some people in long-distance arrangements even cover transportation costs on top of the bullet train fare, so I don’t think you should narrow your options too much.

You don’t live far away from the branch, right? You live near the branch, but the man lives in the countryside, and despite it taking an hour and a half each way to get there, the meeting place was in the countryside—is that correct? Using the Kanto area as an example, imagine living in Tokyo but being asked to meet in Tochigi or Gunma. In that case, when you received the offer, you could have asked something like: “Would it be difficult to meet somewhere in Tokyo?” If that didn’t work for him, the offer would simply disappear. On the other hand, a man who is willing to come to Tokyo is probably considerate toward women, so you could reasonably expect a good relationship going forward. > Would he reject me for being too cheeky? I don’t think many women would be considered cheeky for asking a man that. At the offer stage, you’re free to decline, and you can also ask whether it’s possible to meet somewhere closer. You’re perfectly entitled to turn down a man who isn’t considerate. However, in this case, you said: “I reluctantly agreed because that was the designated location.” If you decline after agreeing, it will cause trouble for the staff, and your rating may go down. Once you accept an offer, changes generally aren’t possible without a very good reason, so it’s best to think it over carefully and respond before accepting. Also, if the location takes more than two hours each way—which isn’t a strict rule, but is roughly the guideline—the man is expected to cover the actual transportation costs in addition to the transportation allowance. So if the location seems far away, you should ask the staff whether the actual travel expenses will also be covered. For example, if the round-trip transportation cost is ¥4,000, the man would pay you ¥4,000 plus ¥5,000–¥10,000. In cases where the journey takes more than two hours each way, there should usually be a limited express train or bullet train available, so it’s common for those fares to be covered as well. Even if it takes two hours each way by local train, the bullet train may reduce it to around 30 minutes, which makes things much easier. > During the membership briefing, I was told that A and B types would take two hours, but then I was contacted and told to keep four hours free. Some parts of the process are automated internally. There had apparently been plans to adjust the amount of time members are asked to keep free depending on their relationship type, but perhaps the system couldn’t handle those conditions, or a staff member sent the wrong template message. Alternatively, there may even be a problematic employee deliberately doing something different from company policy. I imagine it was one of those possibilities. > If it’s four hours from the very first meeting, I want to quit. I understand how you feel, but the company says you’re allowed to leave after two hours—roughly speaking—so you can rest assured. That said, be careful about how you phrase it when you leave. The whole point of a dating club is that if he’s a good person, you may continue seeing him in the future. You should say something along the lines of: “I had a really wonderful time today, and I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” Then, while making it clear that you’d like to stay longer, you need to find a tactful way to say: “I’d love to stay longer today, but I’m going to head home now.” Excuses such as having another appointment or not having kept enough time free aren’t a good idea. These are personal relationships, and if you bring up time constraints, it may make him wonder whether you were only there for work—which would be a shame. Since it’s your first day, you’ll probably be nervous and say something like: “I’m just a little nervous because it’s my first time…” There are all kinds of men out there, so do your best.

If you’re so unmotivated about papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) that even an hour away feels too far, then quitting is probably your best option. Sure, there’s a chance you might spend four hours together and only get 5,000 yen, but he could also be a papa (a male supporter) who offers you a monthly arrangement right from the start. If “it’s too far” is your reason for turning him down, then I don’t think this activity is for you. I’m sorry to make this about myself, but once I made an offer because of my own circumstances under the absolutely unreasonable condition, “Would you be okay with me picking you up by car tomorrow at 10:00 p.m.?” One girl readily agreed and came to meet me. It was a drive from the very first meeting—and at 10:00 p.m., no less. I was obviously a person to avoid, right? But she still came. She was a woman buried in debt, and since she told me about it when we had just met, she also seemed like a person to avoid to me, even though I was probably the real red flag. But I trusted my intuition and promised to hand her enough money the next day to pay off the entire debt. That brought our terrifying late-night drive to an end. Just as promised, I gave her an amount that was several times larger than the tens of thousands of yen she had originally mentioned. We didn’t even have an adult relationship (intimate), and there was no IOU. I didn’t know who she really was or where she came from. All I knew was her first name. As it turned out, when we had an adult date later on, we clicked perfectly physically, conversationally, and in terms of our values. She was an incredible match—possibly even someone who could become my number-one girl. Apparently, after paying off her debt, I looked like a god to her. *I told the club representative everything, from our first date through the debt repayment, so it should be possible to verify the story. I don’t know whether she was a Cinderella, but this kind of development can happen in papa-katsu, just as it can involve meeting a smelly old man who lectures you for four hours and only gives you 5,000 yen. Whether to quit is entirely up to you. That said, I really do feel bad about taking her for a drive from the very first date. She must have been scared... She told me she wanted to meet as soon as possible, so I made the ridiculous suggestion of “only if it’s a drive,” intending to give her a reason to reject me. I was shocked when she actually said yes. She had been suffering under a massive debt, trapped in despair because she could only pay the interest while the principal never went down. Then she joined Universe and, whether it was good luck or bad luck, ended up meeting me. She’s the third woman in papa-katsu whose large debt I’ve paid off in full. So far, that makes it two wins and one loss. The amount that disappeared into the depths of the sea in that “one loss” was 150. Manage your debt responsibly!

If you’re always reluctant, unwilling, and blaming others, you should quit sooner rather than later if you can’t welcome the offers. It’s close enough that I can easily go meet them, even if it takes about three hours round-trip every day.

Congratulations on joining! Since you’ve only just joined, I’d probably go ahead and meet him under those terms for now. Think of it as, “I’ll see what kinds of people are out there.” If he seems like a nice person when you meet, you could make a suggestion or request along the lines of: “Do you have any particular preferences for where we go on dates? If not, somewhere around ___ would be easier for me in terms of getting there…” Even if the date turns out to be disappointing, I’d tell myself, “Well, I’ve only just joined the club, so this is a learning experience,” and try to take away at least one thing that could help with the next one. It would be a shame to quit right away just because your first experience was disappointing—you might never get the chance to meet a wonderful papa (a male supporter). Saying “the more chances you take, the better your odds” may sound a little unkind, but I really do think opportunities and chances are important.

If you’re getting a lot of offers, I think it’s fine to turn this one down—or politely suggest, “It takes me quite a while to get there. Would it be possible to meet somewhere a little closer?” No, that’s not what I meant. I meant “go,” not “come.” It completely changes the meaning. How did I get so sexually forward? Sorry. Since I answer so many questions on the site, my Japanese conversion seems to have started defaulting in that direction. For religious reasons, I believe funny typos are gifts from God, so I left it uncorrected—but my apologies. Anyway, back to the point. I’ve also been in the opposite position, where I had no choice but to meet somewhere far away because that was the woman’s preference. I thought it would be tough if we hit it off and continued seeing each other, with me having to make that trip every time. But if she were genuinely wonderful, I’d be willing to make the effort, so I went to meet her at least once. So, depending on how many other offers you have, if you’re still building up your client base, I think it’s better to go ahead and meet him. That said, specifying four hours gives off nothing but “a person to avoid” vibes. I’ve often had dinner with someone, hit it off, and then gone to another place afterward. But deciding in advance that it’ll be four hours means they’re fully intending to drag you around even if you don’t get along. I wouldn’t want to continue with someone like that, so if I were a woman—ugh, lol—I wouldn’t meet him in the first place. Basically, if you don’t see yourself being able to continue, it’s better to end things quickly and move on to the next person. Taro