I found out I’m the same age as my papa’s daughter, and now I feel uncomfortable and am wondering whether I should end things.
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Honestly, part of me would hate to let him go after putting so much into this relationship.
For papas with daughters, does your daughter’s face ever come to mind while you’re dating another woman?
You do compare things like educational background, right? He actually does compare us.
Please explain in detail how you feel.
Is it more like looking down on her as “inferior to my daughter,” while also feeling that because she can be bought with money, you can have fun with her and be intimate with her?
Please also tell me how I can learn to keep this as a transactional relationship.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Member of another dating club
I’ve always liked older men in my private life too, and I’ve even dated men around the same age as my papa or biological father. I never found it particularly uncomfortable, and I never compared them.
I’ve also had a papa who had a daughter around my age, but I don’t think he ever compared me to her. So I don’t think you can say that everyone does.
Since being compared would make you uncomfortable, you could tell him, “Please don’t do that,” continue the arrangement, and perhaps look for a papa who doesn’t have a daughter.
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She’s a separate person from your daughter.
She’s a mature woman, age-wise, so I think she can be intimate with you. Your daughter has nothing to do with it, does she?
As for her educational background, isn’t that simply your own insecurity and resentment talking? You’re not planning to marry her or hire her at your company, so I don’t think her education matters.
Marika
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If you think you’ve been “raising” her, then by all means, cut ties.
How condescending can you get?
And by the way, you’re the only one thinking of her as being the same age as your daughter.
Men are perfectly capable of distinguishing between the two when they sleep with someone.
Also, comparing educational backgrounds doesn’t necessarily come from contempt. You’re taking it far too personally.
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That’s pretty hypocritical.
You’re having an adult relationship with your own father or grandfather, aren’t you?
So why are you able to do it?
Hmm? For the money?
As long as there’s no blood relation, you can do it, right?
The only thing I’ve been wondering about lately is:
“So this girl is younger than Ace?”
That’s something I’m really curious about.
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Hmm…
For example, if you’re 40, you wouldn’t feel anything strange about a papa (a male supporter) having a 40-year-old daughter, right? If you would, then it might be best not to date married men.
If you dislike it because his daughter is young, though, I get the feeling you may not really want to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) in the first place. If you’re doing it reluctantly, I think you should quit that too.
> Please also tell me how I can learn to separate the two emotionally.
In the end, I think it comes down to how you look at it. The important thing is not to fall into the mindset that, because you’re the same age, it feels as though he’s with his own daughter.
No matter whether you’re the same age or not, you’re completely separate people—entirely different.
I think it’s better to see it that way.
If you can’t, it may be better for your mental well-being to end things.
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My daughter is now old enough to join the club, and we’ve started going out together more often—to meals, shopping, movies, and drives—almost like dates.
She comes up and talks to me from so close that she’s practically clinging to me, even more than a papa-katsu girl would, so I can’t help worrying about what people around us think…
It wasn’t until I had a daughter that age myself that I finally understood what it was all about.
As Aya wrote, a daughter and a papa-katsu girl are two completely different things. She’s entirely different from any other woman, too. Even compared with children, a daughter is nothing like a son. And she’s different from one’s wife as well. It’s not a date at all.
Parents naturally want to do things for their children. They become the object of that instinct—the person they feel compelled to take care of.
It’s completely unconscious. Just like bees building a hive or birds feeding their chicks, you simply find yourself doing it all the time.
Whether she speaks casually or says nothing at all, for some reason you just do whatever she asks, as if you were her servant, obediently carrying out her wishes. Compared with sons, daughters receive nothing but benefits—it’s incredibly unfair. Everything is unfair between men and women, really…
> Please tell me how I can see it as a transactional relationship, too.
Some papa-katsu girls are the same age as their papa, right? If you don’t care that your papa is the same age as your father—or, from the papa’s perspective, that he’s the same age as the girl’s father—then isn’t it basically the same thing?
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When you really listen to them, it seems many papas conveniently tell themselves, “My daughter and a papa-katsu girl are completely different. My daughter is innocent and doesn’t have sex, but papa-katsu girls love sex and desire me.” So they don’t feel guilty about dating women their daughters’ age. I suppose it can’t be helped.
When I found out that one of the women my papa had met several times through a lounge or dating club had been a student, I couldn’t help blurting out, “That’s so gross!” in a voice like Ayana from *Tomorrow’s Girlfriend*. I actually told him that directly.
I’m the type who thinks it’s better to say something if it’s bothering you, so I just tell them. As I kept explaining my feelings, my papa apparently started thinking that dating younger women was high-risk, so I’m glad about that. You should consider that part of “raising” him, too.
In your case, perhaps you should cultivate him in the direction of, “My daughter and I are separate people, but you should cherish me even more,” so that he’ll become even more devoted to you.
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The only way I’ve found to keep it transactional is to try not to think about it too much 😅
I have a huge inferiority complex about my education. I’ve met several men who have daughters my age, too. I used to feel empty about it as well.
But once you’re over 30, you enter a stage where things like how dedicated you are to your work, your household/childcare/caregiving skills, and how well you get along with people matter more than your educational background.
I’m confident that I’m the best, so it doesn’t bother me anymore. Once, after being told something unpleasant, I even replied, “I feel like I’m doing caregiving too~”
There will come a time when it’s not just about your education, so don’t give up—keep going.
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I don’t have a child that age, so this is just speculation, but I think you’re able to be intimate with them precisely because they’re a complete stranger.
Personally, even in that situation, I don’t think I would compare my child’s educational background with that of the person I was dating. What would comparing them accomplish? There’s no point in comparing anyone to someone else. And besides, your own child is a separate person from you—not an extension of yourself—so comparing them with a complete stranger doesn’t really make sense.
As for how to come to terms with it, why not first analyze what exactly feels so uncomfortable and get to the root of that discomfort, then think about how to deal with it?
For example, does it feel uncomfortable because they’re the same age? What about within one year of your age? Three years? Or does it feel uncomfortable because it makes you feel like you’re somehow inferior to the person you’re dating’s daughter?
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