After reading the previous question, I’m starting to wonder: are men who can’t even pay the allowance upfront often just twisted people with some serious personality flaws? I really don’t want to become the kind of man who can’t be considerate toward women.

If that’s how you feel, then go with it. In the end, what matters is whether the relationship works out. I may be part of the “paid afterward” camp, but I tend to fixate on odd little details, so I suppose you could call me contrarian.

> Do you think a lot of them are twisted people with flawed personalities? I do. My daughter and wife would probably nod vigorously—though I’m only speaking for myself. I can’t speak for other men… I think it’s better to give the allowance upfront, since it also carries the element of a tip or gratuity. That’s common both at dating clubs and generally speaking. At the same time, I think it’s something people should choose based on what they’re comfortable with and good at. When dealing with lawyers, moving companies, inn attendants, or the adult entertainment industry, I’ll often give a gratuity upfront—quite a substantial amount in the case of a lawyer—with the hope of getting better service. It’s rational. Some people may find that approach works well for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), while others may not be comfortable with it. Early on, I gave the transportation money upfront, but I stopped because it didn’t feel right to me. Some men don’t want women to treat them differently or go out of their way because of receiving the allowance, and don’t want the effect that paying upfront can create. Others simply want the woman to enjoy herself and want to be the one doing the treating. papa-katsu isn’t an obligation, so some men don’t want women to try too hard or push themselves. They’d rather make her happy naturally, without making her feel she has to be considerate or provide value equivalent to the allowance. Since first impressions matter, some men also want to approach things naturally without creating a power dynamic based on the allowance. Which style suits you is different for everyone, and I think you’ll figure it out as you gain experience.

If you don’t like the rules, you can simply leave. Yet some people keep acting like spoiled children, saying, “I don’t want to quit, but I don’t want to follow the rules either.” Then, when the rules change to exactly what they wanted, they start saying that whoever made the old rules should apologize. People like that are about as far from being gentlemen as you can get. Besides, men who joined within the past five years were told about the upfront-payment rule when they signed up. If they didn’t like it, they simply shouldn’t have joined. What I really don’t understand is why they only started complaining that the rules were wrong after joining. There are plenty of other dating clubs out there, after all. That said, I think it’s probably just one person posting things like this here, so I believe the other men are all gentlemen.

I don’t think that alone means someone has a flawed personality or is just being difficult. There’s no rule or expectation that the allowance has to be paid upfront. So I’d simply think, “That’s their policy.” As for transportation expenses, I used to think, “This person can’t even follow such a simple rule.” These days, though, I’d just think, “Why not accommodate such a small request?” By the way, I thought the person asking the question was rather careless—someone who can’t even tell the difference between an allowance and transportation expenses.

I used to think whether the allowance was paid upfront or afterward depended on how the man approached the conversation ∠(　˙-˙ )／ But even in my regular life, before I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I was never comfortable with men paying for my meals. I hated thinking, “Since he treated me, am I supposed to do something in return?” (・・; So this time, you were paid the allowance upfront for two hours, right? Whether this approach works out will depend on the feedback you get going forward. Maybe it’ll switch back to being paid afterward again〜! I think everything is just trial and error, though〜(´ᴖωᴖ｀)

Apparently, there are actually four male respondents who believe transportation costs and the allowance should both be paid afterward... We’re still nowhere near a solution. Maybe this should come before the campaign to raise allowances. The female respondents really go after me, but I’ve never seen them bite back at each of the men who support paying afterward...