I often end up losing out because I’m too humble and try too hard to be a good girl.

It’s truly disrespectful to genuinely humble, good people. In your case, you’re too focused on how others perceive you—you simply want to be thought well of. I don’t see what’s so great about designer brands or restaurants that are difficult to book. Those restaurants are at their best before they become impossible to get into. Work on developing your own eye for quality.

Isn’t this something many women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) struggle with…? You want to remain humble, but sadly, that very humility can be taken advantage of. You’re definitely not the only one going through this! There are all kinds of people out there, so when you meet someone you don’t like, try to think of it as a learning experience. Set your own standards so you don’t make the same mistake again. Once you meet a good person, I’m sure those painful feelings from before will fade. My own rule is to value both the other person and myself. I try to remember that the people we meet are a reflection of ourselves. Don’t push yourself, and I hope you have some wonderful encounters!

To ordinary women, men and women involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are already seen as: “They’re crazy.” “Absolutely not. No way.” So what is there to hold back for? People already think it’s abnormal, so you don’t need to worry about what they think. Is it happier or more miserable to discover papa-katsu and your own desires? There isn’t just one answer, and it can change over time, too. As for me…

You sound a lot like me. Even outside papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I’ve often been looked down on or taken advantage of because I was too humble. But there are also people who truly appreciate that quality and give generously. It’s a matter of probability, so there’s nothing wrong with staying the way you are.

It’s difficult, isn’t it? I used to be overly humble myself, and I ended up making quite a few mistakes. Everyone has their own way of thinking, but some people will appreciate a humble attitude, while others will take advantage of it and bleed you dry. I think you have to learn to tell the difference. I’m pretty greedy myself, and I’d say I live quite honestly according to my desires. I want to earn money doing work I enjoy, eat delicious food, drive a nice car, and date cute, beautiful women. If I keep listing my desires, there’s no end to it. At the same time, I didn’t come from a particularly privileged family, so I believe I’ve worked harder than most, and I’m still doing my best to this day. Luck plays a part, but I think making good things happen also requires effort. It’s important to keep working without losing sight of the right direction—and to keep at it until that effort truly pays off. Rather than brooding over things, take action.

I think that pace is just fine. He may have mistaken you for a humble, well-behaved girl, which could be why your generous papa (well-paying supporter) has been able to continue seeing you. If you find someone better, let him know tactfully that you’ll move on unless he increases your allowance. Your going rate will keep rising. At the same time, land an ultra-high-spec guy, marry him, and build up a hidden stash of 1 billion yen. I think you can do it.

Even with a man you normally couldn’t stand being with, if the allowance is 100,000 yen or more, you find yourself trying to put up with him and make it work. That isn’t humility or anything like that—aren’t all people who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the money basically the same?! Even if it’s not purely for the money, you still make an effort so they’ll continue seeing you. Isn’t that just how it works? Even someone who seems naturally gifted at handling men like a papa (a male supporter) must be making some kind of effort somewhere—working on their appearance, for example. Everyone is trying to live a slightly better life and build a better future. Even maintaining the status quo is hard. So this is simply a normal human feeling. You’re not especially greedy compared with everyone else. Realizing that this is just a normal reaction might make you feel a little better. I think that’s separate from having confidence in yourself.

People who live true to their desires are called things like “punks,” “psychopaths,” or “antisocial elements” by society. I’d love to eat all the McDonald’s and ramen I want, enjoy some delicious sweets afterward, and still look like BTS. I’d also love to walk down the street and have beautiful women approach me. When it comes to being greedy, I’m confident I’m no match for the person who asked this question. That said, even if I woke up one morning having magically become a member of BTS without making any effort, unfortunately, I still wouldn’t be happy. There’s really only one way to become happy: “Work hard and bring your own talents to fruition.” I’m not the one saying this. Aristotle—the tutor of Alexander the Great, who is said to have been the smartest person in human history and had effectively conquered the world—said it. He was such a great philosopher that he’s known as the father of all learning. A premium black girl I met the month before last asked me how she could tell which men would become wealthy in the future. We spent two endless hours at a hotel talking about nothing but that, and then parted without having an adult relationship because I wasn’t in the mood. Of course, I’ll never see her again. As for finding a papa, if you keep spinning the gacha, you’ll eventually meet a good one. The odds are 1 in 20, so all you can do is work on meeting 20 men from now on. This is a universal rule that applies to every woman. No one gets a good papa on their first try. I met a really smart woman this year, so I’ll introduce her as an example. When I offered her an allowance of 12 pay-per-meeting, she turned it down and countered with, “How about three adult relationships per month guaranteed, for a monthly allowance of 20?” She’s an extremely popular premium girl who has received more than 30 offers. Calculated on a pay-per-meeting basis, that comes to less than 7. Her birthday had been the previous month, so I wouldn’t have to give her a birthday present for almost a year, which made it feel like a great deal. I agreed to that amount before we’d even gone on a single adult date. There was no way I could say no, right? So what happened afterward? On our first adult date, I gave her a thick wad of cash as a birthday present. After quite a bit of back-and-forth, I somehow managed to get her to accept it. Looking back, I feel like everything was calculated from the start. And she’s also the type who really puts in the effort at night, so how could I possibly cut ties with such a great girl? There’s no way I could. At this monthly rate, I can’t exactly have adult dates three times a month, so I keep them to two or fewer. I don’t want her to cut me off.

> I’m greedier than anyone else. > But in front of people, I end up acting humble, so they get the impression that I’m a modest, well-behaved girl. > You’re exactly the same as me（笑） > And in the end, people often look down on me and treat me carelessly. > It’s okay, even if that happens many times. > I want to marry someone far wealthier than the papas I’m currently seeing. That’s why I’m working every day to improve both my inner and outer self. > Keep striving every day. > You won’t easily meet a wealthy man like Makeo-san. > You should assume that you’re being looked down on and treated carelessly because you still have more training to do. > Once both your inner and outer selves are fully developed, a truly wealthy man will appear. Keep up the good work!

Just because you don’t receive an allowance for a lunch date doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being taken for granted or treated carelessly. Personally, when a woman is kind enough to spend time with me like that, I feel I should repay her in some way. I think that, to live solely according to your desires, you’d have to let go of—or ignore—the desire to be seen favorably by the other person or to avoid making them angry. But I don’t think that’s the same as living confidently or standing tall.