I’m the one who asked the earlier question about Nakai.

In this day and age, if you’re giving money to a nakai, it must be quite a nice ryokan, right? Come to think of it, I remember my wife asking, “Should we give her something?” and then handing over some money. That was a long time ago. These days, with online reservations, the only places I ever handle cash at a ryokan are the souvenir shop, food stalls, or capsule toy machines. If the nakai still accepts tips, it’s probably an upscale ryokan. Maybe that means he sees you as someone special and values you that much. Also, when going on a trip, it’s probably best not to bring up the allowance beforehand. The man should treat the woman in a way that keeps her from having to worry about such things in the first place. It sounds like the two of you may still be lacking a sense of security and trust in each other.

People have different views on whether an allowance should be given for a trip. For example, I’ve had several women tell me they didn’t need an allowance and would rather be taken somewhere special. Even the same woman may sometimes say she wants an allowance, so I think they each have their own boundaries. In your case, I don’t think you were being mocked, looked down on, or treated carelessly. It was simply a communication issue. Miscommunication isn’t something where only one side is necessarily at fault.

Why do you feel like you were taken advantage of? I think the gentleman probably assumed that since your relationship had progressed to the point of traveling together, it had become a normal romantic relationship. Also, you were able to go on the trip for free, weren’t you? Some men from dating clubs mistakenly assume that because the travel expenses are high, no allowance is needed. If you travel with someone else in the future, I think it would be best to clearly agree on everything—including the terms for trips—when you first discuss the allowance.

Then the man was simply mistaken. The woman was also at fault for not negotiating the allowance in advance. From the inn attendant’s perspective, she’d be happy to receive even 1,000 yen. You’d understand if you put yourself in her shoes, right? When I pay a taxi driver in cash, I sometimes let them keep the change—not every time, but sometimes. It’s the same idea. So there’s no fixed going rate. Don’t overthink it and assume you were being mocked. Just use your head and make sure to negotiate the terms properly beforehand next time. That said, the man was pretty bad too. He should give an allowance to a woman he met through dating, and I honestly think any man who gets that wrong is a real asshole. P.S. I added this to my answer to the previous question as well, but if the questioner hadn’t seen the man give the inn attendant an allowance, she might have accepted not receiving one herself. Some people say, “Why compete with the inn attendant?” But that’s not the point—that’s just how women can be. If a woman sees her man giving money to another woman right in front of her, she might well say, “Do you have a thing for that inn attendant?” The man was also at fault for failing to pick up on that.

I’ve never been to a traditional inn with a man, so I didn’t know. I’ll have to remember that so I don’t embarrass him. Right! I don’t do overnight stays, so I never travel with a papa, but I should have checked in advance whether there would be an allowance or not. If you’ve convinced yourself that it’s fine even without an allowance because you respect him, then he’s probably picked up on that too, and there’s not much you can do. I think the only way to avoid being taken advantage of is to end things with him. To him, you’re probably not a dating partner at all—just someone convenient. By the way, I’m not glamorous either! So please be confident in yourself, too!