Is it normal not to receive transportation money for lunch with my regular papa?
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Today, my papa suddenly asked, “Are you free around lunchtime? Want to have lunch?” I assumed I’d receive an allowance (transportation costs), so I went to lunch with him, but he gave me nothing and we simply went our separate ways.
It lasted about an hour and a half.
It’s a pay-per-meeting arrangement, not a monthly allowance, even though he’s my regular papa.
We’ve known each other for about six months, and until now, we’d never met without going to a hotel.
He texted me, “I’m glad we got to see each other!” but I’m not happy about it at all.
I’d understand if we were on a monthly arrangement and transportation costs weren’t paid separately, but...
This isn’t normal, is it?
I want to continue seeing him, so I won’t tell him that I was disappointed not to receive transportation money.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I think he’s probably the kind of person who doesn’t give an allowance for dinner-only dates.
You could ask to confirm, but some people might take offense. Personally, I’d meet him if I felt he was worth seeing even without an allowance for dinner, but otherwise I’d dodge the question somehow and avoid meeting for dinner only.
Marika
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Mak〇ku bragged that he doesn’t pay an allowance for dinner-only dates, so there may be men copying him.
But if they’re going to imitate him, I think they need to go all the way. They should also copy the part where women come every day, they have an adult relationship every day, and he earns 500,000 yen per pay-per-meeting session—meaning 1.2 million yen over 24 days a month.
Of course, since he has so many dating partners, paying 1.2 million yen to one person might be difficult. Still, if a woman told him, “I want 1.2 million yen, so please see me every day,” I think he has the guts to go along with it.
So I wish men would imitate him that thoroughly. If they can’t, then it seems only fair that they pay an allowance even for dinner-only dates.
As for you, I think you need to develop a better eye for judging people.
Complaining here won’t accomplish anything. Whether something is “normal” or not has nothing to do with the man you’re seeing.
You should be thinking about how to brainwash him into supporting you financially from now on.
There are probably books about brainwashing, too. Even the spiritual-sales groups that have been in the news lately brainwash people and get them to give the organization money until they go bankrupt.
If you study, I think you could learn to do it too. Nothing comes easily.
You should study and research, try different approaches, and gradually learn what works.
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It’s heartbreaking when you expect to receive your allowance but don’t, isn’t it? But at the same time, it’s not easy to ask about it directly.
I’ve had a disappointing experience like that myself. I had agreed on an allowance with a pay-per-meeting papa, but when it was time to leave, he said, “Oh, I only brought this much cash today. I’ll give you the rest next time,” so I received only a small amount.
He never paid the rest the next time, and he did the same thing again after that. Even though he had kept saying I was exactly his type and that he liked me…
So I quietly faded out without saying anything. There are some good people out there, but unfortunately, not everyone is like that. If you want to continue, please think it through carefully before deciding.
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I feel the gentleman was a bit careless—or perhaps he was thinking about it too simply.
Please don’t leave women feeling unsettled over something like that. I think it’s important not to forget that, fundamentally, he’s your papa-katsu partner.
That said, if someone I really like goes out of his way to see me or makes time for me, I’m perfectly fine with not receiving transportation money.
There are also people who always give me something, even if we only have tea. I’m very grateful for that.
In either case, I think it really depends on the relationship. And I don’t think it’s a good look for women to be constantly talking about money.
Akari
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If it’s an adult relationship (intimate) every time, then that might happen.
Personally, whether it was papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or not, if I met a girl around 20, I wouldn’t feel right sending her home with just “1.”
But if it were through a club, and we only met for an hour and a half, she might say she couldn’t accept it since the meeting was so short and that simply getting to meet was enough. In that case, I might not give her anything. Depending on the relationship, though…
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Since this is something you both need to agree on, I think it’s best to discuss it in advance. But in this situation, bringing up the allowance might damage the relationship.
That said, it’s genuinely difficult for the woman to bring it up herself in cases like this.
Personally, I find it a hassle to decide exactly when I wouldn’t give an allowance. Also, I place more value on the time we spend together than on what we actually do, so I give her an allowance every time we meet. I do it this way because a monthly arrangement would probably only amount to an awkward sum at the moment.
Your papa (a male supporter) may see going to a hotel as the condition for providing an allowance, and feel that anything else doesn’t qualify for one.
Next time, you might try having dinner without going to a hotel and see what happens.
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Since this is a free-choice relationship, views on allowances really vary from person to person.
That papa (a male supporter) simply isn’t willing to pay an allowance for dinner.
There’s nothing unusual about that.
Personally, I give an allowance of 10,000–20,000 yen when I meet someone for dinner, but I’d probably get annoyed if someone told me that was the norm.
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Free is only an option when you’re really close.
If it weren’t a monthly arrangement, I’d give her ¥10,000.
If you’re not close, he’s just a stingy papa.
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I’m not sure what’s considered normal.
I tell them in advance that there won’t be an allowance, and I don’t give one when I’m just having a meal with someone I’m seeing. All of my arrangements are pay-per-meeting. Since I don’t want to get into sensitive details, I make sure an allowance is involved whenever we meet.
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Since this was your first time, perhaps your papa (a male supporter) simply didn’t realize.
You could try asking in a tactful way, such as:
“Thank you for lunch the other day! I realized that, in the six months since we met, it was our first time doing dinner only (no intimacy). I’d like to keep seeing you, so I wanted to check…”
Something along those lines might help you clarify things without causing any friction.
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