I started seeing a woman I find very cute. We've been on about five dates, each involving a high-end restaurant and shopping at her request.
This content is machine-translated.
I give her an allowance in the hundreds of thousands of yen. I've spent around 1.5 million yen over the past month and a half.
I’m not particular about having an adult relationship (intimate), so sometimes we part ways after just having dinner. I’m not the one who initiates these dates. How do you all respond when you’re asked for things? I’d like to give her presents for anniversaries and other special occasions, but doing so every time is exhausting. I’m also not particularly interested in high-end restaurants. Should I discuss this with her, or should we part ways on the grounds that our values are different? She’s invited me on another date, but I no longer find myself feeling happy about it. I don’t mind being called a stingy papa or a poor papa.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
Today, the papa (male supporter) I went on a date with told me this:
He’s wealthy, and he once met three other women. One of them was very beautiful and had a great figure, but she asked him to marry her on the very day they met. Naturally, they barely knew each other, and it felt creepy, so they ended things.
To the person asking the question: You should have realized much sooner—before spending ¥1.5 million. That’s what you call a money-hungry monster. I think you’d better have yourself exorcised soon.
Otherwise, she’ll bleed you dry.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Five dates in a month and a half for ¥1.5 million means you’re spending around ¥300,000 each time.
From the way the question is worded, I get the impression that you’d be okay with it if things ended.
A woman who can get someone to spend that much probably has another papa (a male supporter), too…
If I had to suggest a compromise, promise to continue giving her a five-figure allowance, while gently implying that your finances aren’t in the best shape, and tell her that you’ll only give presents on special occasions.
I think papas who provide a five-figure allowance are rare, so she may take the hint and stop making unreasonable requests.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If you’re considered a stingy papa (a male supporter), I’d be called an ultra-stingy papa, lol.
My advice would be to try making offers to other women.
You could even deliberately mention that to her…
She might start being a little more considerate in the relationship.
I don’t like restaurants that are only “high-end” because of their prices, either.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I get the feeling from your post that you’re looking for someone to give you a push. I understand how you feel, but please make the decision for yourself.
You say you’re not interested in high-end restaurants, but are you interested in delicious food? If so, I recommend reading *What Does It Mean for Something to Be Delicious?* Then, try going to Nakahigashi on the Ginkaku-ji side. It’s notoriously difficult to get a reservation, but do your best, haha. I think you’ll really come to understand what it means to share good food—to eat it together. It may also give you some insight into what kind of relationship you should pursue from here on.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
She may look cute, but her personality isn’t very cute, haha.
I can’t help feeling that a woman who expects to go shopping and ask for things every time from the very beginning isn’t thinking about the man she’s seeing. Talking things through is one option, but it may not work out.
You might be better off seeing someone else—someone you genuinely feel like giving presents to.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m thinking about how much I can get out of it in a short period, so even if we part ways, I imagine I’d think, “Well, 500,000 yen in one month isn’t bad.”
Just speculating.
Marika
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I think it’s better to talk it through.
I’m okay with her asking for things too, but I’ve told her that if it gets too expensive, it becomes difficult for me to continue seeing her. She understood, and ever since then, she only asks on her birthday and at Christmas (lol).
If she’s a favorite of yours, I think she’ll understand if you talk to her. She’ll probably feel that continuing is better than breaking things off, too.
But if she’s still reluctant after that, I think it’s fine to end things.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
It’s a waste to spend that much on someone who doesn’t make you happy, so let’s look for someone better next.
I like giving presents too, but if the other person demanded them too much, I think I’d lose the desire to buy them. Though I’ve never dated someone like that.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
So you’re spending 1 million yen a month. I actually have one like that too, so I know exactly how you feel. She’s just too cute to say no to, right?
Since you’re asking because she probably isn’t worth 1 million yen a month, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with blocking her and saying goodbye. She’d probably be perfectly fine with being blocked too.
A method I’ve used successfully several times is:
“Break up with her once.”
I think you should stay apart for at least four months—ideally six—then get back together. A very generous (well-paying) papa like you comes along less than once in a hundred, so you’ll definitely be able to reconcile.
However, during the time you’re apart, make offers to plenty of other women. Try dating women who aren’t overly focused on money, even if they aren’t quite as cute, and see whether you’re satisfied.
I think you should make offers to Type A women. Every now and then, you really do meet someone who’s genuinely fun to be around.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
At first, you’re usually on your best behavior and try not to impose, yet this is how things are…
It’ll only keep escalating, and honestly, they’ve been taking you lightly from the very beginning.
Since they clearly don’t care, just reply, “I’m busy,” and leave it at read after that.
I also go shopping almost every time, but it’s usually just convenience stores or supermarkets, so I spend anywhere from a thousand to a few thousand yen.
P.S.
> “Turn them down once.”
That’s what I mean. I think it’s best to break up for at least four months—six months if possible—before getting back together.
This works. You don’t need to contact them at all during those few months. It’s effective outside the club, too.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
From the questioner’s perspective, it sounds like he no longer feels that she’s worth 1.5 million yen a month.
If you’re even considering ending things, you could try asking something like:
“I’m thinking that from now on, I’ll only buy things for special occasions. Would that be okay?”
Though “special occasions” could lead to all kinds of occasions, so it might be better to specify birthdays and Christmas only.
If she says that arrangement won’t work for her, then ending things because your terms no longer match would be perfectly normal.
As for the restaurants, it seems like she’s gradually getting used to upscale places. However, changing everything at once doesn’t seem like the best idea, so I’d suggest continuing with fine dining for a little while longer.
After that, you could switch from high-end restaurants to stylish but more casual places.
If she refuses that as well, then it sounds like your feelings for her have reached zero, in which case it would also be fine to end things without doing anything further.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
The person asking is probably married, right? I bet his wife pressured him into marrying her in much the same way.
Since he probably won’t be able to get away from that PJ either, maybe he should just resign himself to it and give up. It’s fate. Before long, his wife will notice and claim compensation from the PJ to get the money back for him.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If I don’t feel comfortable when she asks me for something, I’ll say no—and if it keeps happening, I’ll end things.
I don’t think differences in values can be resolved through discussion, so if it were me, I’d end things after the first date.
Going forward, I think you should make your likes and dislikes clear early on so you don’t give women the wrong impression.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I don’t think you’re cheap or a broke papa (a male supporter).
From her perspective, you’re probably an easy papa—someone who’ll do whatever she asks. I get the feeling she may be taking advantage of you.
Not every woman is like that, and you don’t need to force yourself to continue seeing her. Once you spoil someone that way, she’ll start to take it for granted. And she probably has other papas (male supporters), so even if you stop buying things or taking her to expensive restaurants, there’s likely someone else who will.
It might be best to decide that she simply wasn’t a good match and look for someone more compatible.
I’m sure there’s a wonderful woman out there for you! Ideally, you should both have a relationship that makes you excited to see each other and genuinely look forward to meeting.
I hope you find someone special!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
