I’ve had a monthly arrangement of 300,000 yen with my papa (a male supporter) for about three years.
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I met someone wonderful at work, and he asked me to start a relationship with marriage in mind.
I’m turning 28 this year, so I decided to use this opportunity to graduate from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and told my papa I wanted to end things.
He burst into tears and said, “No. I think of you like a real girlfriend. Just imagining you being happy with someone else makes me feel so苦しくて死にそう.”
I did like my papa to some extent, but I always thought of our relationship as being based on money, so I’m honestly confused and troubled that he’s so reluctant to let us break up.
Is there any other way to end things smoothly?
I’d appreciate your advice.
Congratulations on your graduation.
I think Mac’s answer is perfect, and I honestly wish we could make it the standard template for saying goodbye at the end of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) relationships（笑）.
Looking back, I feel that using marriage as the reason for ending things made the cleanest break. I was sad, but in a way, I also felt I had fulfilled my role, which may be why I felt so at peace about it. I couldn’t attend the wedding, so I just gave her a wedding gift and said goodbye. If you handle the farewell well, you might even receive a little bonus at the end.
Reading it more carefully, though, it sounds like marriage is only being considered, not a certainty.
I’ve noticed there are girls who meet someone they might marry and start feeling guilty toward their boyfriend, while others think that anything can happen until the actual wedding day because the relationship may not lead to marriage. Either way, you never know what will happen until the very end, so keep doing your best without letting your guard down.
Also, of course, the longer you’ve been together, the sadder it is to say goodbye. But from the man’s side, there’s a good chance he can create another opportunity for that kind of encounter simply by making an offer himself, so I don’t think you need to worry too much about that. If anything, he may have already made another offer by now.
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It depends on how you feel, but why not try telling your papa, “Could you wait three to five years for me?”
Biologically speaking, apparently the intense desire to dote on someone and pass on your genes lasts about three years. After that, you may get bored—or start wanting to pass on your genes to someone else.
Even if you marry the boyfriend you’re madly in love with, there’s no guarantee those feelings will last.
You and your husband might grow distant and you may end up wanting to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) again.
On the other hand, while you keep putting things off, your papa’s feelings might change too, and he may find another younger woman.
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It’s good that you found a boyfriend（笑）
Time to graduate from papa-katsu!
I think that’s a good idea.
You should definitely go through with it.
Your papa is just shaken because this happened so suddenly.
He understands that you’re going to leave, so there’s no need to end things immediately—take a little time to say goodbye properly.
papa-katsu only works when both sides benefit from it.
Right now, you’re the only one unilaterally telling him that it’s over, so he hasn’t had time to process his feelings.
You could set a grace period and work toward ending things—for example:
- until you find someone else suitable, or
- until a certain date.
Since this is a dating club, your papa can make as many new offers as he wants. Finding someone he really likes may take some time, but I think he’ll find someone new within about three months.
Once that happens, you, your papa, and the dating club all benefit. That’s what I think a dating club is supposed to be（笑）
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Please allow me to post a second answer.
I deleted the first one m(_ _)m
Yume-chan, are you a genius or what?!
You’re on a whole different level!
I was utterly crushed and blown to pieces. You beat me so thoroughly that I actually feel refreshed. I’m an athlete, after all, so I’ll properly admit defeat.
And don’t bother saying it’s not about winning or losing. It is about winning and losing. No, I guess it’s just losing and losing?
Amazing… There really is always someone better than you. But somehow, it makes me happy.
Was my communication ability really only at an elementary-school level…?
One of my monthly-arrangement girls is like a textbook example of an A-type. We have so much fun that we meet all the time, and she’s even okay with sleepovers despite there being no adult relationship.
I guess there really are geniuses among PJ girls too.
The one thing I can say is that geniuses don’t make an effort. They’re just naturally that way.
My A-type genius girl always seems to be having fun, messages me constantly, and she’s the one I’m most hooked on right now.
She had never done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) before, and I was her first offer. Yet somehow, she’s the one wrapping me around her finger, and we meet as often as three times a week.
She’s also the first girl who made me think I didn’t want an adult relationship.
It feels like something would fall apart if we did, and sleepovers probably wouldn’t be fun anymore either.
My ace is in danger.
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“Just thinking about you being happy with someone else makes me feel so miserable I could die,” he sobbed.
I don’t want to bad-mouth him too much since he must have treated you well, but he certainly is a unique papa (a male supporter).
At the very least, it’s clear that he doesn’t wish for your happiness in the slightest.
Unfortunately, there’s no magic way to end things smoothly. But you should do whatever it takes to break up with him.
I think that, in its own way, would also be a way of showing gratitude to the papa who supported you for three years.
If he does become a stalker, don’t hesitate to consult the Community Safety Division at a reasonably large police station.
Next time he cries, tell him, “Quit crying, you old man.”
The only time a grown man is allowed to cry is when his mother dies. When Joe’s mother passed away, he cried so hard that he thought, “I didn’t know people could cry this much,” so he figured he had no tears left.
But yesterday, Miss Saigon at the Imperial Theatre was canceled because one of the cast members had COVID. Princess was furious and still hasn’t cheered up.
I almost cried myself. Apparently, I still have some tears left.
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Men often become stalkers in other settings, so in that sense, I’d always thought that many of the men at Universe were real gentlemen. But this kind of situation is pretty difficult.
At this point, there may not be much you can do except say something like:
“If you’re okay with just dinner, I’d be happy to continue seeing you. The allowance would stay the same as before.”
I think they’d probably back down. That said, if you want to cut ties completely, you probably wouldn’t be satisfied with that approach.
Still, a dinner-only arrangement can be nice too—though it might be difficult unless you enjoy talking with him or genuinely respect him.
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Taro, a fan of the “playing at romance” approach, here (and yes, I’m doubling down).
He clearly loves you—but since we’re assuming you have to break things off, I’ll answer on that basis. There are three key points.
First, don’t budge at all on the fact that you’re ending things. The outcome isn’t going to change, so giving him false hope would only be crueler. Make it clear that you won’t be seeing him anymore. He may say things like, “I’ll die,” but you need to steel yourself enough to think, “Then go ahead and die.” Though, realistically, people like that almost never do.
Second, make sure you properly express your gratitude for the three years you’ve spent together. Of course, you can be grateful for the considerable amount of allowance you’ve received over time, but I mean something beyond money—if there was anything else, try to find it, put it into words, and tell him how grateful you are. Then it can become a touching story in his mind.
Third, gently suggest that there might be a possibility in the future. Something like, “That said, if things don’t work out with him, I might return to the world of papa-katsu, and if I do, I’ll contact you first.” That gives him something to hope for. Even if he knows deep down that you don’t really mean it, he’ll hold on to it. Then he’ll start trying to turn this “temporary” separation into something beautiful. After you part ways, maybe six months later, he’ll realize, “Yeah, that was probably a lie.” But by then, he’ll have found someone else special through a new offer, so it won’t hurt quite as much.
No, no, no, this isn’t about me, okay!? (lol)
Hope this helps.
Taro
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The man also said:
> “I did like my papa to some extent, but I always saw it as a relationship that revolved around money.”
I think he understands that fully on an intellectual level, so please give him some time.
For now, just say, “I’m really lonely too…” and stay with him in his sadness.
He’ll probably see you off properly, saying that although it’s hard to say goodbye, he hopes you’ll be happy.
I think it was simply too sudden for him to switch gears immediately and say, “Oh, I see.” For a little while, please stay with him and “play your part” as his papa-katsu partner through to the very end. He’s probably playing his part too…maybe.
For a man, ending things on a happy note is the happiest and most ideal outcome, so I’m sure he also wants to see you off as smoothly and stylishly as possible.
> @Mac
Exactly. I hope you’ll stay by his side and play your part until the very end. Men are creatures who tend to get the wrong idea.
When I used to organize and host coupling parties, and later when I worked in men’s esthetics, I constantly saw the dynamic between women who unintentionally led men on and men who had no choice but to keep believing they had a chance.
The fact that this lasted three years means he’s probably built up his own defenses against those misunderstandings by now. I’m looking forward to seeing what words he’ll respond with in the end.
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Since you’ve been seeing each other for quite a while, your papa probably understands it intellectually but just can’t accept it. If it were me, I’d be honest while also being considerate of his feelings. I’d say, “I’ve met someone I really like, so I think it’s time for me to move on from our arrangement.” I’d thank him for all the time we’ve spent together and for supporting me, then add, “If you truly care about me and want me to be happy, please wish me happiness.” Maybe then he’ll understand…
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