Tips
Aug 21, 2022 23:11
13 answers
Other
If you get to see him again, the first thing you should do is offer a sincere, heartfelt apology.
You’ve kept complaining because you took him for granted, but explain clearly and logically that you’ve reflected deeply on what happened and will change your behavior going forward—including what you plan to do differently.
Unless you apologize and actually change your attitude, I don’t think your papa’s cooled-off feelings will change.
🏅 あなたの味方
お役に立てれば幸いです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe staff
If it happens every time, I think it would get pretty exhausting.
If you didn’t make plans to meet again, it may already be over. But if you do see him again, I think it would be best not to complain at all next time.
美惺（みさと）
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Other
Everyone makes mistakes, so what matters is what you learn from them.
If you feel you complained too much, why not message him and say, “I’m sorry for relying on you too much. From now on, I’d like to spend our time together having fun”? If he’s still willing to meet, make an effort to enjoy your time together.
Even if it doesn’t work out, just avoid making the same mistake next time and focus on having a good time with your papa (a male supporter).
Other
Perhaps this was your last-ditch effort. You may have gone into what became your final date thinking, “If she complains again this time, I’m saying goodbye.”
I’ve read that women love to talk, but when all they do is complain, it’s a real turnoff for men too.
A～Dまで一通りオファーの経験あり、多くても月１程度でLINEはスケジュール調整のみ、スマートに無理なく長期交際するスタイルです。
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
I don’t know if he’s lost interest in you, but it does seem quite likely that he’s looking for another woman.
Other
Have you tried looking at it the other way around?
Would you really enjoy spending time with someone who does nothing but complain?
People who constantly complain are also often lenient with themselves, so I imagine they were judged as not being suitable as a working adult.
👨 Male
Universe member
> I end up complaining about my workplace and badmouthing male acquaintances every time I meet my papa.
Doing it every time might be going a bit too far. Complaining about your boss is pretty standard, so doing it once in a while can be a good way to blow off steam (lol).
You need to let off some steam occasionally.
Other
I’m mostly on the same page as Osaka-san, but since I’ve been through this myself, let me describe what was probably going through the man’s mind:
“Whoa! She’s cute and has a great figure, so this is a win. She’s venting about work—maybe she’s opening up to me? Sounds good; I’ll be supportive! Then we can get closer and things should go well.”
↓
“Yeah, but is she going to complain every time? And objectively speaking, isn’t the other person actually in the right? Or is she just coming up with various reasons to bad-mouth a guy she dislikes? Her nasty side is starting to show. Being able to get intimate is nice, but having to go through all this every time beforehand isn’t fun. I’ve also made offers to some other promising women, so I guess this is probably where we call it quits.”
That’s more or less how it felt.
The good thing about your question is that you noticed the change in his attitude. Being sensitive to the other person’s reactions is extremely important. Use that to your advantage, and from now on, try to steer the conversation while watching how the man responds. If you want to vent, it’s fine once you’ve gotten closer—maybe once every three dates at most. It depends on the person, though（笑）
Taro
Other
I don’t want to sit at the same table—or even be on the same floor—as someone who badmouths others.
It’s only natural that people dislike them.
Other
Wow, what a coincidence, lol. I’ve been listening to his complaints nonstop too, but I just got back from our date and decided that today would be goodbye, lol.
Let’s both hang in there! lol
Other
People who do nothing but bad-mouth others or complain—whether it’s about their papa or someone else—probably aren’t viewed very favorably. At least, I might not want to see them anymore…
The more you put your complaints and criticisms into words, the more you start noticing every little thing the other person says or does, and it can feel like their annoying traits just keep piling up.
It’s not good to bottle up too much stress, but why not try finding other ways to let it out instead of venting to your papa?
Other
Of course not.
No one enjoys listening to someone badmouth others or complain. And besides, why would anyone pay to meet a woman like that?
—Marika
Other
Maybe he found another nice girl who doesn’t complain.
I doubt anyone wants to pay an allowance just to listen to someone else’s complaints. This isn’t a job, and I understand that arrangements can take many forms, but shouldn’t you have shown a little more consideration for the fact that you were receiving an allowance?
I honestly can’t understand why you, the person asking this question, spent so much time talking about other people’s badmouthing and complaints despite receiving an allowance. Did you ever think about your partner?!
Saying something like, “I’m sorry—I can only trust you enough to talk about this, and I ended up making you listen,” might be acceptable once in a while, but… perhaps you relied on him a little too much.
He was probably a really good papa (a male supporter).