I often go to a singles lounge.

I’m Mamiya from Universe Lounge. We’re planning to open a Universe-style shared-seating lounge soon, so please come by and check it out. What kind of person are you looking for? If they’re not your type, I think you should just move on without dwelling on how things ended. But first, why not take an interest in the other person and try to keep the conversation upbeat? Once the conversation gets going, simply responding with reactions and a smile can make the time fly by. I also often visit shared-seating lounges for research. I’ve been asked to switch tables once, but I only exchanged a single sentence with that person—and then I ate my meal in a foul mood. For the record, I know the reason was that I was practically bare-faced, wearing a T-shirt, and giving off an extremely unmotivated vibe. There are also plenty of days when I’d rather not share a table, so being able to enjoy yourself alone is a nice option too.

You dress like a college student. The conversation doesn’t flow, and it’s not interesting. As for your looks, I guess they might move on to someone else if you’re not their type. But if talking to you isn’t enjoyable, there’s really no point in meeting in person. I got the impression that maybe your conversational skills haven’t quite reached an adult working professional’s level yet. (People ask me, “Are you a college student?”)

Women show up because they can get a free meal, and men are drawn in by the promise of “120 women attending.” But if people mistake you for a college student, doesn’t that mean the age range is way off? People of all reasonably mature ages go, and many of the women are just there for a girls’ night out with free food. So it’s common for men to quickly decide it’s not worth it and move on from one woman to the next. There are also plenty of men and women there for work-related reasons—people from bars, nightlife businesses, and the like—as well as those killing time or stuck there until the first train in the morning. Since so many attendees aren’t there to meet someone, you’re often going to be disappointed if that’s your goal. And if you’re being switched out quickly, it may well be because the women at the other tables simply aren’t very motivated.

I can’t drink alcohol either, but I don’t think it’s necessarily because of the alcohol. The only explanations I can think of are that your appearance—including your makeup and clothing style—doesn’t match men’s preferences, or that they find you uninteresting to talk to. Of course, no one here has met you, so we can only speak in general terms. It may be quickest to observe how you differ from the women around you who seem to get along well with men. Marika

I’ve never been to a matchmaking lounge, so this is only based on a vague impression and my own assumptions, but… - **You go there often—are they treating you like an annoying regular?** Maybe you go frequently because women can drink for free, and the men know that and find it off-putting. - **Could it be your behavior?** If you went alone, then I may be completely off base, but perhaps you go with several female friends and, even when you’re matched with a man, the women just get caught up chatting among themselves without including him. - **Could it be your appearance?** You’re not showing up in super-casual loungewear, are you? Surely not, haha. - **Maybe you’re looking for different types of people.** I’m really sorry to be making assumptions, but my impression is that people who go to matchmaking lounges—both men and women—are mainly looking to meet someone casually and have fun. Could it be that you’re looking for a serious romantic partner instead? Either way, I think there must be some kind of issue. Even though you’ve never tried papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the fact that you’re asking a question in a papa-katsu Q&A forum suggests that you’re interested in it, right? If so, you could consider joining a club or registering with Universe Lounge and try finding a papa (a male supporter) who enjoys helping someone grow.

I’m not very familiar with how lounge dating services work, but I don’t think it’s just one thing that’s lacking—you may be missing a lot of things. No one is perfect, so even if you have some shortcomings, being outstanding in other areas can make up for them. Trying to change your appearance can sometimes make you look less appealing to men, so why not focus on developing your own strengths and personality instead?