There’s a 23-year-old woman who constantly messages her friends on LINE whenever we’re together. Whether we’re eating or talking in bed, she’s on her phone messaging nonstop in every situation. We agreed on ¥100,000 for our second dinner date and third adult relationship (intimate), but when we met for the third time, I was curious and counted the messages—she exchanged 32 messages in three hours. I understand that everyone has their own personality and principles, and since she had gone out of her way to meet me, I didn’t say anything. But honestly, I was put off. I’m sorry.
In bed, she was completely passive, like a “tuna,” and once again I felt that our values didn’t match. We’re simply too different, so I don’t intend to see her again. Putting aside her personality in bed, though, I’m having trouble deciding whether her LINE behavior is merely a difference in values, something I should tell her is bad manners, or something I should just write off as a problem she can’t help. I’d appreciate hearing your opinions.
After taking the answers into consideration, I’d like to think about how to handle similar women in the future.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
The person asking the question is kind of puzzling.
I honestly don’t understand why they agreed to a monthly arrangement with someone like that in the first place.
Checking their LINE messages or phone a few times is one thing, but if it goes that far, I’d bring it up before agreeing to anything. If they can fix it, we continue; if not, we part ways. Someone who just lies there passively would also be a deal-breaker for me.
If I met a woman like that, I’d tell her how I feel, and if things didn’t improve, I’d end it.
There are plenty of other good women out there, so make lots of offers and keep looking.
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I put my phone on silent too.
I do check notifications on my smartwatch, but I think, “I’ll reply later♪” (´；ω；｀)
Maybe it’s because we’re close. But even with close friends, you still need to show basic courtesy…
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That sounds pretty pointless. You might even wonder, “Are they doing it on purpose?” But at its core, it’s still pointless, so there’s no use dwelling on it.
That said, I don’t think simply accepting it or letting it slide makes you tolerant, and I’m not sure calling them out is the right move either. I probably wouldn’t leave feedback, lol.
What I really want to know is: if the questioner has already decided not to meet them again, what exactly were they hoping to hear? lol
Would the way they deal with people change if everyone were more tolerant?
Not sure how helpful this is, but I usually decide after the first meeting that I won’t see someone again. I try to avoid wasting my time on pointless interactions as much as possible—I’d just feel sorry for myself otherwise, lol.
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Forget LINE for now.
More importantly:
> “In bed, she just lay there completely passive, and once again, it was clear that our values didn’t align.”
That’s the bigger issue. There seem to be problems on both sides, including with you.
The fact that she was using her phone so much that it bothered you also suggests she wasn’t very interested in you.
Whether it’s in bed or in the way you communicate and interact, it sounds like both of you need to make some improvements.
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I’d simply end things without saying anything.
If some much older, practically unknown man she’d only just met told her that, she’d probably just think, “Huh?” There’s really no need to do it “for her sake.” If she isn’t troubled by it now, she’ll deal with it herself if it ever becomes a problem.
You could certainly give her feedback, but I wouldn’t. Feedback can come across as a lecture given “for her own good”—or, conversely, as an act of kindness.
I’d just leave it completely alone, ignore it, and forget it ever happened.
Marika
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I haven’t met anyone like that yet, but I do think some women tend to use LINE quite a lot.
Usually, they’ll ask apologetically, “Would it be okay if I replied to a message?” I feel that one small gesture can make quite a difference in how you perceive them.
There probably aren’t many women like the one you described, but that said, some women do have a lot of messages to deal with. If she asks the man’s permission before using LINE, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to whether you want to continue seeing her. Even if she spends a long time on her phone, if you still want to see her, you probably will.
As for calling her out, unless you’ve become fairly close, there’s a chance she may not meet you again because of it. The important thing is deciding whether you’re willing to risk that—even if it means you might not see her again.
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As Akari said, some women do respond after excusing themselves, but I’ve never met anyone who suddenly starts fiddling with their phone. If that continued, I’d probably end things.
My wife doesn’t do that either.
I think it would be a good idea to give the club some feedback.
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They’re either seriously looking down on you, or they think they’re doing you a favor by spending time with you.
I get a fair number of work-related messages, so I’ll say, “Sorry, let me just reply to this work message.”
But I don’t touch my phone in bed.
They tell me, “You don’t have to worry about it—go ahead and reply,” but as a matter of courtesy, I value the time I’m spending with them.
Your partner may have various reasons, such as being young, but I think there’s no doubt they’re being rude and treating you lightly.
Akari
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Texting someone else while you’re in the middle of meeting is bad manners. You should report it to the staff.
Also, when a woman keeps messaging on LINE and acts completely passive… she’s probably doing it on purpose.
She’ll accept the allowance, but she clearly doesn’t like you and just wants to get out of there and go home as quickly as possible.
How many stars did the woman have?
You don’t need to mention the LINE issue to her. Report it to the staff and ask them to add it to her notes.
The next time you make an offer to someone new, ask the staff plenty of questions about her first. Save yourself the wasted time and money.
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“I’m fine with you using LINE during the date.”
I often use that as a trap. Every now and then, a girl falls for it and starts messaging like crazy, and then I say goodbye after seeing that. What a horrible person I am…
Here’s my answer.
Even if you point it out, it won’t help. She’s simply not interested in you, the questioner.
Aren’t we papas the same way? When you’re with someone you’re not interested in—for example, when you’re with a wife you’ve grown cold toward—you and your wife use your phones, right? It’s the same thing.
I don’t use LINE, so we exchange SMS instead. Since last month, I’ve been exchanging about ten rounds of messages a day with a Type A girl I started a letter-dating arrangement with.
*I send her 3 via PayPay.
She’s really considerate. When her boyfriend comes around, she sends me a message saying, “My boyfriend’s here, so I’ll contact you again later♪” Then she’ll message me things like, “I broke up with my boyfriend~. Did you miss me?♡”
It’s incredibly fun.
We’re meeting for the first time soon, and I may be more excited to meet her than anyone I’ve met before.
We talk about each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends, and we’ve also confirmed that neither of us is considering an adult relationship (intimate) at all.
Until now, even with Type A girls, things have almost always turned into an adult relationship (intimate). But with this girl, I’d like to keep things going as far as possible without intimacy.
My concern was that I’d never experienced genuinely falling in love—but come on, me, fall for this girl already!
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What other people think doesn’t matter. If you found meeting him boring, you don’t have to see him again. If you felt it was worthwhile, you can meet him again.
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Being able to say “32 times” sounds like you have a pretty relaxed relationship. Conversations about whether either of you knows any interesting people always get lively from there.
I also find myself casually replying to each other’s friends’ messages while we’re at a café or somewhere. And it’s fun to talk about each other’s friends from time to time.
That said, being a total starfish isn’t acceptable. If she’s serious about making a living as a PJ, she needs to keep her clients interested and put on an act.
That PJ probably already has another more generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter). Let’s move on.
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