I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I think there was often this idea of using four hours as a guideline, but just as men consider the cost-effectiveness, women are perfectly entitled to do the same.
To begin with, I feel like there are no manuals or rules for free-form dating. I personally think basic manners are all that’s really needed.
I think you simply happened to meet men who weren’t a good fit. (Whether there are many of them is another question.)
Personally, I hate spending four hours together—it feels like my time is being stolen. I’m the type who thinks, “What do you think a man’s hourly rate and time in life are worth?”
Even business appointments and client entertainment should be kept as short as possible… I prefer meals to take no more than two hours. The restaurant would probably benefit from serving the courses quickly and seating a second group of customers.
Afternoon tea… I can’t even imagine it anymore. It makes me feel like saying, “Go ahead and enjoy it by yourself first.”
(I don’t think there are women who can have genuinely engaging conversations for four hours in the first place.)
I’d like to wrap things up within three hours, including time in the room.
↑ This is what I consider truly rude.
Time is more important to me than anything else. So when someone asks about the time involved, I find it very appealing.
There’s no reason to meet a woman through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) if her hourly rate is low, and I wouldn’t want to meet her anyway.
Maezawa here.
If the man you’re dealing with only wants to be able to have H, I think it’s fine for the woman to calculate the allowance based on the amount of time spent together.
However, many men in dating clubs are willing to pay, but want to spend their time together like a couple. So when you’re dealing with that kind of man, I don’t think it’s best to weigh the date length against the allowance and decide whether it’s worth your time.
That said, keeping an entire day open every time can be difficult. So when a man suggests the next date, you could say something like:
“I already have plans to hang out with a friend that day, but I can meet from around ___ for about three hours.”
He might then say something like, “I was thinking we could go here or there.”
Of course, if you always say you can only meet for three hours, the man may eventually get tired of it. So perhaps he would appreciate it if, once in a while—say, every few months—you were available for a full-day date.
When it comes to the allowance, people generally think in terms of a single date or a monthly amount. I don’t think there are many men who adjust the allowance according to the length of the date or view it as an hourly rate.
That said, there are no fixed rules.
You can tell him you’d prefer an hourly arrangement, but as you mentioned in your question, I think more men would dislike that kind of approach. On the other hand, some men may want to meet only at a hotel every time, so it really depends on the person.
That’s why it’s a good idea to talk with the man and get a sense of how he thinks, then learn to respond differently depending on who you’re dealing with.
The important thing is to consider what the other person wants and what matters to him, accommodate him to some extent, and still maintain a relationship that doesn’t leave you exhausted.
