A little while ago, there was a question about a man (her boyfriend) who had gone on 10 dates without touching her even once. Apparently, there are really a lot of young men like this these days.

I’d say No. 1, though（笑） These days, you can get sued for sexual harassment... Women scare me（笑)

I’d say No. 2. That said, it feels like the traditional gender roles have either switched around, or perhaps men and women have simply become more equal. These days, it seems more and more people are thinking about how women can win men over. Even back in the Showa era, women would gather around popular, attractive men. But now that this has become more commonplace, perhaps men have come to feel that they can simply wait for women to make the first move. And as long as men who don’t touch a woman even slightly after ten dates are the ones being praised, it seems only natural that more men would develop that sort of attitude as part of their instincts. Maybe men have been changing their strategies instinctively because society has become more gender-equal. That said, aside from high-spec men, I think most men are still trying to figure out how to date women, just as they did in the past. These days, it also seems to be becoming common for young men to date women in exchange for money. Apparently, even men in their early twenties who aren’t particularly high-spec sometimes use money to date women. (I’ve also heard of cases where they eventually run out of money and start dating normally.) In other words, high-spec men can simply wait for women to approach them, while other men can now date women without having to go through much trouble—although they do need money. So perhaps men no longer feel the need to work hard to win women over. That may be why they appear to be herbivorous men at first glance, but I’m not sure that’s really the case. There also seem to be men who are virgins and are looking for their first partner. Apparently, there are women who want to be with a virgin themselves and are willing to be that person’s first partner, so I sometimes think the world has a way of working things out. So even without becoming an aggressive, woman-chasing type, men can still be intimate if they want to—as long as they have the money. I think that’s one reason young men today can appear herbivorous. Conversely, men in their forties and older who try to date women by offering a low allowance actually have to compete with men in their teens and twenties. Yet they often don’t realize that. They lecture women smugly, saying things like, “Do you even understand how hard it is to earn this money?” when in fact they’re the ones who don’t understand. The sad reality is that they fail to realize women may simply think, “A man in his twenties would offer me that much anyway, so I’d rather go with him.” Of course, the allowance isn’t everything. It also depends on whether the man has other appealing qualities. It’s like the difference between driving a car with a top speed of 100 km/h at 100 km/h, and driving a car capable of 300 km/h at 100 km/h. The latter has much more leeway. I suppose it also depends on whether he can show that kind of composure and potential. I’ve strayed a little from the topic.

I’m not exactly young myself, and I’ve only dated older men, so there are some things I can’t really speak to, but… This is just my personal impression, but I feel like a lot of guys these days are more feminine than women. They pay a lot of attention to their appearance, wear makeup, and so on… Aren’t there more boys who are prettier than girls these days? I sometimes wonder if they even dislike touching women. Not to the point of being germaphobic, but maybe they have that kind of feeling? Or, like Mac-san’s point ②, maybe a lot of men feel that women are stronger—like small animals being targeted by a tiger. So they can’t make a move carelessly, and instead the women go after them. That’s just my own image of things, though. If any younger men are thinking, “That’s not true at all!” then I’m sorry. I also get the feeling that in the past, women tended to act in groups while men were more likely to act alone, but maybe it’s the opposite nowadays? So perhaps they don’t get many chances to face a woman one-on-one and end up not knowing what to do… Reading this question made me realize that, personally, I really do prefer men who are assertive enough to make a move on me!

My son probably has something like a fear-of-being-touched syndrome too. He used to say, “Everyone except me is dirty…” There seem to be fewer and fewer children these days. I wonder if I raised him wrong…

I’m Potassium, a female member. I thought this was an interesting question, so I decided to answer. I haven’t fully worked out all the details yet, though... Based on my own experience and speculation: **A. The influence of one’s family environment** When I was old enough to remember, my mother disliked physical affection, so I never learned how to show it. I also never really developed the desire to touch someone. **B. Lack of experience** If someone hasn’t had much experience, they may not know when it’s okay to touch the other person. (It’s not about whether they’re confident in themselves; fundamentally, they may not be able to tell whether the other person has feelings for them.) ↑ This is kind of the mindset of the typical clueless papa, just in a more shy and inexperienced version. **C. Because women these days are scary** Some women immediately threaten to report someone, or make a big deal about stalking or sexual harassment. So they may be trying to avoid the risk of being accused later of doing something without consent, even if consent was given. (I get the impression this is more common among women who give vague, half-hearted answers—though that may just be my bias.) If touching someone is defined as a sign of sexual desire, they may already be satisfying that desire—the sexual drive among the three basic human needs—in other ways. Or they may be channeling it into other desires. Anyway, that’s just my personal theory. I’ll refrain from categorizing people this time.

It may be similar to being afraid of getting hurt, but I think a lack of confidence is part of it too. For example, I have one papa who hasn’t touched me even a millimeter. He’s a handsome, fresh-faced young guy, but he says he’s shy when it comes to romance and lacks confidence. He’s a business owner with plenty of financial freedom, and he’s young and good-looking, yet he says he has no confidence when it comes to women. Apparently, he grew up in an all-boys’ school, devoted himself to sports, and spent his time studying, which is how he ended up this way. He might feel a little lacking as a boyfriend, but as a papa, I think he’s the best haha.

These days, even at home, when I talk to my wife or son, I get no reaction at all. Even when I walk up to them and speak, nothing… Then I notice the earbuds in their ears. Ah, they’re listening wirelessly… The TV may be on, but no one’s watching it. People can be perfectly content with just half a tatami mat, while arranging meetups, booking movies and restaurants, and doing everything else on the move. It’s an amazing—or terrifying?—era where you can do everything “while doing something else,” without having to set aside dedicated time for it. Maybe people no longer expect things to proceed step by step. It wouldn’t be strange if they simply saw that as a hassle. We’re living in an era where everything is already done and arranged by the time you show up. So the idea that nothing can progress until you actually meet someone… And having to go out of your way to do so… Even after meeting, you don’t necessarily have to bother moving things forward in that complicated way. There are countless more enjoyable things right nearby that you can immerse yourself in anytime, anywhere. Once the date is over, you can immediately open a question box wherever you are… something like that. On the other hand, my daughter responds when I speak to her, and even reacts when she walks past me. Maybe she’s a little old-fashioned? Some women at the club are old-fashioned too. Some never watch TV at all, while others are completely absorbed in it. Some still go to the movies, and others watch tons of television. There are girls whose interests line up with mine in those ways. Even for someone from the Showa era who could spend hours in a hotel, we’re now living in a time when entertainment is available instantly, anywhere, and you can switch over to it in a snap. Meanwhile, when it comes to relationships between men and women, physical contact between the people involved hasn’t really changed. That makes me feel that its importance is gradually fading. Even the time spent together can now have all kinds of different interests and values, and there are countless ways to enjoy spending that time. Put simply, we’re living in an era where even being together can be fun and exciting as long as you have a smartphone. P.S. Come to think of it, there’s a girl I’ve gone on more than 800 dates with without ever touching her—not as my girlfriend, but simply as a partner. It was over several years, and I enjoyed it in its own way… I’m going out with my daughter today, and she finally said: “Won’t people think it’s strange if we’re together?” She has a point. These days, it wouldn’t be strange at all if people mistook it for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)… Considering that I’m doing papa-katsu, I couldn’t even bring myself to say, “It doesn’t look like papa-katsu.” I stumbled over my words and said something like, “They’ll think we’re a family…” I don’t even remember what I said.

He’s what you’d call a “herbivore man”—a guy who’s not very assertive romantically. I think being afraid of getting hurt is part of it. I was like that too, haha. But more than anything, I feel like social media is to blame. More and more people can act tough online, yet surprisingly have nothing to say when they’re face-to-face. It’s raising a generation of young men who are only confident in their own territory. They’re intimidated by women their own age. That’s probably why he can go on ten dates without even touching her by a millimeter. We’ve entered an era where it’s perfectly normal to say you met someone through an app. From now on, it may even become normal to bring home someone to marry without really knowing—or explaining—where you met them.

My ex was like that too. We went on overnight trips several times, but he never made a move… It’s kind of sad(´；ω；｀)

I was born in the Showa era, so this isn’t a recent change, but even I wouldn’t touch a woman in the slightest until we’d had sex—even if that meant going on ten dates. I wouldn’t go on ten dates with a woman I met through a dating club without becoming intimate, but even so, I wouldn’t touch her until then. And even after that, I wouldn’t touch her outside a private room. The only time I might touch her outside would be to take her hand and help her in an awkward or unsteady situation. I once thought about why I’m like this, and came to the conclusion that it probably has to do with how I was raised. I feel like I was taught not to casually touch a woman’s body. I suppose that corresponds to reason ② in Mac’s theory. As an aside: This may be a reaction to that, but one of my kinks is casual sex. I like the scenario of lowering a woman’s panties and being allowed to enter her at the moment I get aroused. Whether it’s an allowance-based relationship or not, once I become close to a partner, I tell her in advance that I like this and get her permission to push her down when I suddenly feel aroused. One more aside: Even outside dating clubs, I’ve never gone on ten dates with someone without becoming intimate. When I was in my twenties and thirties, if we’d gone out five times and I still hadn’t made a move, the woman would usually get impatient and steer things in that direction herself, or so it seemed. So as reason ③, I’d suggest that women have stopped making the first move. Of course, one reason I didn’t make the first move may also have been reason ①: I was afraid of getting hurt.