A question for married men: Why do you think you pursue mistresses or papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
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Is it revenge for not being popular back in school, seeking comfort because your wife no longer pays attention to you, a My Fair Lady–style interest in molding someone, a kind of social research like the former Vice Minister of Education, simply wanting to be with younger women, wanting to see how many you can date, or something else?
I’m starting to lose sight of what I’m looking for myself, so I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Member of another dating club
You’re still in your 30s, aren’t you? You have plenty of time to think it over.
“Alcohol doesn’t ruin people. It simply shows you that people were flawed to begin with.”
That’s a famous quote by Danshi Tatekawa.
Try replacing “alcohol” with other words.
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In my case, maybe all my desires are interconnected—I still have an endless drive for work and self-fulfillment, money, women, and so on.
There are times when I lose sight of what I’m doing, not just with dating clubs, but I quickly get back on track. Since whichever way I’m facing is forward, I figure I’ll keep doing what I want while I still have the energy for it.
Worrying also takes a fair amount of energy, but maybe that kind of “wasted” time is something you can only afford when you’re young. Sometimes I just think, “Well, that’s fine too.”
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Why do so many of the examples seem to focus on negative reasons? lol
Can’t it just be because it’s fun?
Even if dating clubs disappeared, I’d just find something else fun to do, lol. Saying you’ve lost sight of why you’re doing it? What a pain, lol.
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If you have even the slightest hesitation, it’s better not to go through with it. That’s just the nature of being a mistress, in my opinion.
It’s not something you should do despite having doubts—and since it’s essentially infidelity, it’s best avoided altogether.
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If you’re no longer sure what you’re looking for, I think you should stop papa-katsu for a while.
If you feel like getting back into it later, you’ll probably have a better idea of what you want by then.
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> Basically, dating clubs aren’t really necessary.
> I’m with Paper Airplane on this one!
You should take a step back and think it over carefully.
Is it because it’s popular?
Because people around you are doing it?
Because you want to try it too?
If that’s all there is to it, there’s no need to waste your money.
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Basically, dating clubs aren’t something people really need—especially in the mainstream world.
If, for whatever reason, a man or woman feels they need a world where money is involved…
For a man, you’re investing money too, so if you can’t see the value in it, I don’t think there’s any point in participating. Honestly, I think not getting involved in the first place is the more sensible choice. As for which side reflects your true nature, only you can know that.
And people have all kinds of ways of thinking.
If you can’t earn the respect and affection of your wife—the person who should be your greatest ally and partner in life—then I don’t think you can make another woman happy or give her a good time.
Because when you’re together, she should be impressed or fall for you all over again every time you do something. It shouldn’t be a matter of her growing cold; it should be the opposite—even over the little things you do in everyday life or when you go out.
Simply by acting that way, you make her think, “Wow,” and earn her respect, trust, and a sense of security. I think giving someone those feelings is important when spending time with women, whether in a dating club, with family, or with a romantic partner.
When something doesn’t feel right, people can tell.
A dating club may be a place where you can find an amazing woman who exceeds your ideals.
But at the same time,
unless she feels the same way about you,
it will never become a place where you find mutual love.
With the kind of mindset you describe, there’s no way you’ll be popular or enjoy yourself.
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