I’m seeing a girl once a month on the assumption that we’ll have an adult relationship after dinner, but sometimes I’d like to just enjoy a meal together without intimacy.
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In the past, she once said she’d prefer to just have dinner next time (I gave her one allowance then), but if a man suggests meeting without an adult relationship, would that throw off a woman’s income plans and cause problems for her? I feel like it would be difficult for a woman to say, “I want you to have an adult relationship with me,” so…
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Universe male member
Wouldn’t it be best to simply talk it over and listen to how she feels?
If you’re doing one adult relationship (intimate) date and one date without intimacy per month, that’s already a positive arrangement in terms of the allowance. You could also listen to her requests, such as if she feels the allowance for dates without intimacy is too low.
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Whether it’s one dinner-only date and one adult relationship (intimate) date per month, or—even if you can only meet once a month—I think you should give the same allowance as you would for an adult relationship (intimate) date, even if you just have dinner.
Marika
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> If the man suggests having no adult relationship (intimacy), would that throw off the woman’s income plans and put her in a difficult position?
It depends on the person, so there’s no point asking here.
Even if you ask women, I suspect more of them would say they’re fine with it—even if they’d actually be troubled—so I don’t think asking directly would be very meaningful either.
That being the case, it seems you need to gauge during your usual conversations how much financial difficulty she would actually face.
That said, figuring this out can be difficult. So perhaps you could ask something like:
“For our next date, which would you prefer: dinner only (no intimacy) with an allowance of 1, or dinner plus an adult relationship (intimate) for 7?”
Then observe her reaction.
(The goal isn’t to hear her answer, but to see how she reacts. Most people will probably say either is fine, so the answer itself won’t tell you much.)
If her reaction makes you think that dinner only with an allowance of 1 would put her in a difficult position, you could either avoid doing dinner only or give her the same allowance as usual even for dinner only.
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If you’re in a relationship, you’d want to have sex every time you meet—even if it’s only once a month. If you met once a week, you’d normally have sex every time too.
So if you meet four or more times a month, it’s fine for any of those meetings to be dinner only.
But once a month…
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I’m Potassium, a female member.
It’s kind of you to think about her situation so carefully.
In my view, since I don’t make a living from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), my attitude is that I should earn whatever I’m short of myself. So I’d tell her not to worry about it.
It probably depends on whether the woman’s reason for meeting you once a month is [the money] or [wanting to spend time with you].
If it’s about the money, the relationship will probably end eventually if the allowance is reduced to dinner only (as though you’re no longer a priority).
If spending time with you is what matters most, she’ll think things through herself and earn the money she needs.
If you’re thinking:
1) You only meet once a month,
2) You don’t want to pay the same amount for an adult relationship (intimate) as for dinner only, and
3) You want to help her plan her income,
then perhaps you could give her three months’ worth at once—for example, one adult-relationship allowance and two dinner-only allowances if you intend to have one adult meeting over three months. That might solve the problem by giving her a clear idea of her income and expenses.
*Just make sure you stick to the agreed number of adult meetings. Adults who lie or can’t take responsibility for what they say… well, you know?
*If this causes her to cut ties with you, then… that’s simply how it is.
That said, if you give her the adult-relationship amount for dinner only, she’ll probably feel, “Papa really cares about me and is thinking of me!” and appreciate it.
It depends on how she sees things.
That’s just my personal opinion.
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They may simply not be that dependent on papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), or they may have another papa (a male supporter) besides the questioner and therefore not be in any trouble. But if she’s important to you and you think she’d genuinely struggle without it, I’d suggest giving her the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) even if you’re only going out for a meal.
I also go on dinner-only (no intimacy) dates, as well as other dates without an adult relationship (intimate). Depending on how close I am with the other person, even when I can’t make time—which is rare—or when we happen to be unable to have an adult relationship (intimate) because she’s on her period, I still give her at least one month’s worth of allowance.
It’s less about whether she’d be in trouble and more because she’s important to me.
Ultimately, a monthly arrangement would probably be the best option, but it feels like it would be awkwardly in-between right now, so I haven’t taken it that far.
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Even if it’s only once a month, someone who relies on that income could have a hard time if it suddenly decreases.
If you’re reducing her income for your own reasons, even without an adult relationship (intimate), you could say, “Today is dinner only,” and still give her the amount for an adult relationship. I don’t think she’d leave then.
Alternatively, instead of a pay-per-meeting arrangement, you could switch to a monthly arrangement. That might be easier for both of you.
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I’m not dependent on this activity to make a living, so it wouldn’t be a problem for me. That’s why I’m happy to meet someone even for dinner only.
However, if you’ve agreed to meet just once a month and the woman relies on the allowance she receives from you, it might help her if you went out for dinner and gave her the allowance for an adult relationship, even without intimacy.
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The solution is simple.
Assuming you meet the same number of times each month, just agree on the same allowance each time you meet.
All you need to do is make sure the woman receives the same total amount every month.
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Whether it causes a problem depends on the woman.
If you’re worried that it might, you could offer the allowance normally given for an adult relationship (intimate) even without intimacy, or invite her on an additional non-intimate date besides your monthly intimate date.
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