I’ve always thought “Letter Date is for cheap guys,” but has anyone here found a generous papa (a male supporter) through Letter Date—or become one themselves??

Lately, I’ve been doing letter dates exclusively too. If you think letter dates are only used by stingy people, then you can simply refuse them. I wouldn’t want to make an offer to someone like you, and it wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s truly a sign of how far things have fallen when the person receiving the allowance complains that the amount is too low. It’s true that I don’t earn that much, so I can’t meet very often, but I’ve never been stingy about the cost of each date.

If that’s how you feel, you can simply decline the letter date. There are probably women who still want to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) even if the allowance is low. So if the “stingy papas” you mentioned match with that group, that’s perfectly fine. As long as both parties are happy with the arrangement, it’s nobody else’s business. By all means, go after a generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter). You could also make it clear in your profile by adding hints like: “Please don’t send me offers unless you’re a generous papa.” or “Please don’t send me offers unless you’re a business owner.”

I’m a man in my 60s who’s still trying to figure things out. It’s a shame to reject a letter date outright. It seems such a waste to immediately assume someone is a cheap man and say no. You can tell a lot about a man’s personality—and whether he’s cheap—just by reading his messages. Why not accept the letter first and decide afterward? You can always decide later whether or not to meet. Women who can’t even make that judgment and reject me right away are the first ones I remove from consideration, so in a way, I’m grateful to them（笑）

I’m Potassium, a female member. Let me start with my main point. Based on my limited experience, I don’t think everyone who does letter dates is cheap. It just seems that you can happen to run into someone cheap, unfortunately. ※I don’t have enough data to calculate any probabilities… sorry. Here are my personal thoughts. After registering with Universe, my very first offer was a letter date. Since I’d also been reading the Q&A box, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t initially wonder, “Did this person choose a letter date to cut costs?” lol However, apart from my current papa, I’ve also received letter-date offers from other men. Although they were dinner only, they gave me quite a generous amount. (They said they wanted me to accept it even though I declined, so I gratefully accepted.) In my case, the man who made a regular offer was actually the cheap one. (Though my sample size is admittedly small.) During dinner, he said, “It costs money to make an offer, and it’s quite expensive…” I could only think, “What am I supposed to do about the official offer fee being expensive? You chose to make an offer to a woman like me. Is that somehow my fault? I’m sorry, even though I’m sitting here smiling and making conversation properly.” ※This was said near the beginning of our conversation. As for the benefits of letter dates for women, I think they let you learn about the other person’s way of thinking and get a sense of your mental compatibility, so you can prepare yourself emotionally before actually meeting. If you’re only exchanging messages about schedules and terms, aren’t shy around people, or place the most importance on the allowance, letter dates may not be a good fit. If someone could calculate the correlation between letter dates and allowances, it would be useful information that would let women choose offers based on their goals… That’s just my personal theory, though.

Looking back, there was a young man whose terms were hotel meet-ups and hotel goodbyes after the first meeting because he didn’t want to be seen in public, yet his allowance was nothing special. I declined to meet him while wondering, “How many women has he offered this to, and how many have turned him down?” I also met someone through letter dating who offered a generous allowance, but I didn’t really like him, so I gradually faded out. I often feel that men who contact me directly are more genuinely interested in me. I think that’s because with letter dating, they may be trying to save on the setting fee, or because they’re more likely to be offering to lots of women. By the way, I once asked the men who had contacted me directly: “Why did you offer me a date instead of letter dating?” They said, “Letter dating doesn’t offer women any benefits, so I felt bad and thought it might come across as rude.” I also asked some of the men who use letter dating. They said things like, “You can’t tell what someone is like without exchanging messages to some extent, and there’s no point in meeting someone whose terms don’t match.” I felt that the former group considers the woman’s feelings first, while the latter puts their own feelings first. The sample size is small, so this probably isn’t accurate data, but I hope it helps!

I don’t think I’d use Letter Date. Whenever I screen and make an offer myself, it gets rejected, haha.

Arrangements made through an intermediary are more analog, while Letter Date—in which the intermediary is less involved—is almost digital when compared with dating clubs. That’s how I see the distinction. I think of Letter Date as the quickest way for both parties to meet for their first date, without making the staff go through extra work. In other words, you can meet sooner and give the woman her allowance sooner too. I imagine younger men than me can understand how smooth Letter Date is. And for women, it also seems more efficient: they can judge whether a man is a good papa or a generous (well-paying) papa without having to go out of their way to meet him. Deciding whether to continue only after meeting is just a waste of time. Especially through writing, it becomes much easier to plainly judge aspects that are difficult to discern from simply meeting in person. You could even say that it leaves men with fewer ways to disguise themselves, making it easier to see through them. With Letter Date, the two people communicate directly, so the first date can be decided after just a few initial exchanges—anywhere from a few minutes to a few dozen minutes. Compared with a traditional arrangement, which can take several hours to several days, that speed is a major advantage. P.S. After reading the answers from Misato and Potassium, I wanted to add this: Since both options exist, I don’t think it’s a matter of Letter Date versus traditional arrangements. It probably depends on the man. And just as we moved from the era of phone calls to the LINE era, I think the times are changing too. Early on, I saw quite a few women who refused Letter Date, but now I hardly see any. Once you get used to Letter Date, I think it becomes difficult to go back to traditional arrangements. The reason people still use traditional arrangement dates is probably because the arrangement fee is simply too cheap compared with Letter Date. I honestly think it could be priced at around five times the cost of Letter Date… (Even then, I’d still use both, and the balance is good as it is, staff!) Maybe the people using cheap traditional arrangements are actually the “cheap” ones? Hmm? No? I guess not…

I use letter dates quite often. The reason is simple: I can tell them my allowance as quickly as possible before meeting in person. You can decide whether I’m cheap when I ask about the allowance during the letter date. I’ve been turned down twice through letter dates—both times because I asked for pay-per-meeting amounts of 12,000 and 13,000 yen. I suppose they thought I was too cheap. If someone turns me down during the letter date, I only have to pay half the setting fee, and I save a total of around 70,000–100,000 yen on the first date’s meal and transportation costs, so it’s a win-win. During a letter date, we can work out the allowance, our preferred dating style, and when it’s easiest for both of us to make time on weekdays or weekends. Through those exchanges, we can also get at least some idea of what the other person is like, so I find them extremely useful. Also, I simply love the moment a message comes in saying, “Nice to meet you,” so I can’t stop using them. Not making small talk is another key point.