I’m the person who previously asked about the man who suddenly stopped responding.
This content is machine-translated.
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/13652
This man wasn’t someone I met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but someone I met through ordinary dating.
Thank you all for your very helpful answers before, and for giving me the encouragement I needed.
I’d like to ask for your advice again.
There were various things going on on his end, and it had been nearly three weeks since he stopped responding. I didn’t want to have any regrets, so I sent him this message:
“Are you doing okay? I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help, even though you’re going through a difficult time.
Is hearing from me a bother? I’m worried about you.”
The next day, he replied:
“Of course not. I’m happy to hear from you. Things should settle down soon.”
So I wrote back:
“Thank you for saying that.
It sounds like things are really tough for you.
I’m sorry all I can do is keep in touch.
Please don’t take everything on by yourself, and don’t push yourself too hard.”
Then he invited me to meet, saying:
“Let’s meet up soon.”
I replied:
“Of course I want to see you. When would be convenient for you?”
But afterward, I started having negative thoughts. If he said that things would settle down soon and he didn’t seem to have much time or emotional room, why did he suggest meeting up soon? Was he just saying something nice in the moment, intending to fade out afterward...?
Before he stopped responding like this, we had been getting along well, and our relationship seemed to be heading toward us dating because we both liked each other.
If I’m able to see him next time, I’m thinking of telling him:
・I like you, but I can’t really tell how you feel about me.
・I know it’s not something I can say when we aren’t officially dating, but I was really worried and lonely when I couldn’t reach you. If this could happen even after we started dating, it makes me a little anxious.
・You said you were hesitant about our age difference (14 years), but how do you see a future with me?
If he still leaves things vague after that, I’m thinking I’ll stop seeing him.
I want to become this man’s serious partner. (He is single.)
Someone previously advised me that if I wanted to become his serious partner, I shouldn’t be the one to initiate sex. But personally, I do feel that I’d like to become intimate with him now.
I’ve never been in a romantic relationship outside of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I don’t know how to move things forward.
What should I do about this man from here on? I don’t even know whether I’ll be able to see him again in the first place...
Sorry this got so long.
I’d really appreciate the wisdom of those with more experience.
※My previous post was accidentally cut off.
I’m sorry.
I would appreciate it if you could delete it.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
These days, men seem reluctant to confess their feelings—maybe they’ve been psychologically castrated, or maybe they’re afraid of getting hurt.
For reference, here are a couple of conversations about how relationships I’ve heard about from papa-katsu girls began.
Example 1
Man: “If I got a girlfriend, I’d treat her incredibly well.”
Woman: “Then treat me well, too.”
Man: “Huh? …You mean, that’s okay?”
Example 2
Woman: “You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?”
Man: “No.”
Woman: “Don’t you want one?”
Man: “It’s not that I don’t…”
Woman: “I like you.”
Man: “Yeah, I’d kind of noticed.”
Woman: “…(looks him straight in the eyes)”
Man: “Well then…should we go out?”
Apparently, women don’t really talk about this kind of thing among themselves. Since I’m a man—and a papa (a male supporter)—they tell me honestly. They don’t exactly hide the fact that they were the ones who applied the pressure, but they don’t go out of their way to mention it to their female friends. They have their pride, after all. But apparently, this is what really happens.
The questioner has listed various things she wants to say “the next time they meet,” but if you start pressing someone with questions like that before you’re even officially together, it’s like a cat chasing a sparrow while meowing loudly—you’ll never catch your prey. You have to sneak up quietly and grab it.
So what the questioner needs to do first is get him to agree to be in a relationship. Save the interrogation for later. Of course, wait until you’ve already become intimate. Then you can say, “We’re together, and we’re intimate, so it’s okay for us to talk more about the future, right?” Once you put it that way, it won’t be so easy for him to run away.
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Once you start papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you’ve crossed a line, so you can never go back to your old mindset.
No matter what comment you send, your papa-katsu habits have become so ingrained that you end up asking:
“When would be convenient for you?”
You can’t simply settle for saying:
“Of course I want to see you.”
If you continue pushing for concrete plans and prioritizing your own convenience like you are now, men will want to run.
I think all you can do is distance yourself from papa-katsu little by little and wait until you return to a more normal way of thinking.
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I can understand why the person asking this question is overthinking things, because I also have someone I’ve come to like right now.
What should I say back? How can I make things work? What if I say the wrong thing and they end up disliking me? It would be painful if we couldn’t stay in touch, even in the worst-case scenario. I think they asked this after thinking and worrying about all sorts of things.
Since men and women may think about and interpret things differently, I’m not sure whether my advice is appropriate.
I tend to overthink things too, but when that happens, I don’t try to come up with the perfect response. I honestly tell the other person how I feel deep down:
“I like you, so I want to see you.”
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You may not be able to think clearly right now, but I really hope you’ll try.
With a 14-year age gap, that man will reach retirement just when raising children becomes most expensive.
When the money runs out, so does the relationship. Everyone here is living in a fantasy world and saying whatever they like, but women need money to support themselves.
Having sex is fine—I’m not telling you to stop. But you should reconsider getting married.
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> I’ve never been in a romantic relationship outside of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I don’t know how to move things forward.
Basically, I don’t think there’s much difference between a regular romantic relationship and romance in papa-katsu. However, in papa-katsu, the decisive difference is that “you’ve drawn a line from the very beginning.” Since you’re both single, I suppose it comes down to whether you want to get married.
> Someone previously answered that if I wanted to become his serious partner, I shouldn’t be the one to initiate sex. But I feel like I’m ready to have that kind of relationship with a man now.
In my opinion, you’re already in an adult relationship (intimate), so I think it would be okay to initiate it. However, I do think you should stop accepting an allowance.
Where things go from there depends solely on whether the direction you both want is the same.
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