Why is everyone getting designer items and things like that?
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I’m a college student in Nagoya, formerly a platinum member of Univa. I joined this site just under two years ago, have met around 30 men, and currently have three papas. One is on a monthly arrangement of ¥200,000 for one date a month, and the other two pay ¥70,000 for one date a month each.
I’ve been seeing all of them for anywhere from eight months to just under two years.
We don’t normally message each other on LINE. They reply when I message them, but one of the three doesn’t even respond when I text him after a date. He just leaves me on read. I send a message anyway, just to be polite.
The papa who pays ¥200,000 a month has told me he dates multiple women, so I’m just one of many.
None of them ever buys me accessories or clothes. I’ve never asked them to, though. I didn’t even get a birthday present. The papa on the ¥200,000 monthly arrangement sent me a ¥1,000 Starbucks gift card.
I’m not short on money, and I can pay for my cosmetic procedures and designer goods myself, so it’s not really a problem. But when I see other PJ women getting designer items bought for them by their papas, I can’t help thinking, “I’m supposed to be a PJ too, so why not me?” I’ve never even gone shopping with them. The closest we’ve gotten is going to a supermarket.
What am I doing wrong?
I have a personality kind of like Chisako Takashima. Do I need to be more cute and girly to be suited to being a PJ?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
There are ways to do it.
Think it over more carefully and find techniques that work for you.
Try putting yourself in a man’s shoes and thinking about what kind of woman he would want to buy things for.
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I know it feels like everyone has already said everything there is to say, but this part felt very realistic:
“I have one monthly arrangement at ¥200,000, meeting once a month, and two others at ¥70,000, also meeting once a month. I’ve been seeing all of them for anywhere from eight months to just under two years.”
“But I don’t receive that many gifts…”
I was in a similar situation for a while after I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
From there, if you steadily grow closer to the papas you genuinely like—or the ones you feel you can influence (that may sound like a harsh way to put it, but I’m choosing those words intentionally)—you can turn them into generous (well-paying) supporters who give you lots of gifts.
That said, relationships with men like that tend to become more romantic, or the kind where the papa is almost your lovesick slave—basically one step short of being emotionally unstable—so I wouldn’t really recommend it.
They may even demand that you return the gifts when you break up, and there’s also a possibility they could harm you.
Also, I don’t think this approach is really suited to strong-willed women like Chisako Takashima in the first place.
I hope you find your own way of doing papa-katsu.
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If you really want designer brands, go for them—but whether they suit you is a separate matter. Even if you don’t receive anything, it’s better to buy something you genuinely want and that suits you.
It doesn’t have to be a brand-name item, either. You could have a necklace or ring custom-made by a top-tier diamond dealer that supplies luxury brands, get a membership worth over ¥10 million, or receive a set of golf clubs.
Usually, people who do things like that are genuinely in love with you and really, really like you. It’s flattering, but it does reduce your freedom.
Akari
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I’m not really the type who suits flashy designer brands, so the things I receive are mostly practical items that genuinely help me out!
They’ve ranged from small things like, “I lost my mask—eeeek!” to fairly large items.
I do buy designer items for myself sometimes, but I don’t choose anything that screams, “Look, it’s a brand!”
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I don’t have any designer-brand items, but I have received gifts worth hundreds of thousands—even millions—of yen.
I think it’s because I don’t usually ask for things and because we have a relationship that’s more like a romantic one.
I’ve never received or asked for obvious things like handbags or anything like that. It just feels embarrassing.
Marika
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You’re basically spelling it all out yourself, lol.
You’re an interesting one.
If, as you wrote, you don’t really want it that badly, then it’s not like gifts are just going to fall into your lap—you probably won’t get any. But if you say you want one, you might get it, although it could also come with all sorts of hassles for you, lol.
So if you focus only on that part and keep saying, “I never get anything,” well… I guess that’s just how it is.
Still, you’ve managed to continue with someone who matches what you’re looking for, so I’d say you’re doing pretty well. Among the 27 people things didn’t work out with, I’m sure there were probably some who would’ve given you gifts. But since it didn’t last with them, the fact that you’ve created your own once-a-month arrangement is pretty impressive.
If you want to aim even higher, you could try looking for the type who gives you a gift once a month!
“Looks like you don’t want it, but you really do, don’t you? Here, I bought this for you! Don’t make that face! I could watch that expression of yours once a month forever!”
That kind of person, lol. What a pain, lol.
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Rather than focusing on designer goods, you’re better off enjoying the relationship itself.
The usefulness of material things tends to be relatively short-lived, but a relationship stays with you and gradually deepens your perspective, way of thinking, and approach over time.
A few years from now, you’ll have become a stylish, confident woman with an aura that can rival any other girl（笑).
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That’s because with a once-a-month arrangement, you’re basically just meeting up. It’s not really a club-style relationship…
Besides, you’re not high on his list of priorities.
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Aside from designer items, I’ve had all kinds of things bought for me:
Two air conditioners installed, a wallet, bathroom renovation costs covered, a dishwasher, an IH cooktop, and various other household goods.
It was almost like having a house built for me.
If you keep saying, “I want this, I want that,” they’ll start to dislike you.
So choose a gentleman who seems willing to buy things for you.
Why did you leave the dating club?
We look forward to welcoming you back.
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I also tend to keep things pretty genuine, so like you, I hardly ever receive gifts.
Based on stories from other sugar babies, it seems that men who give gifts often view it similarly to supporting their favorite idols.
That said, these men are often what you’d call introverts and may have little experience with romance, so I get the impression that they aren’t always able to handle a smooth, sophisticated relationship…
If you can afford it out of the allowance you receive, why not try asking for something small, within reason? And be grateful that you’re receiving the allowance in the first place!
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I don’t think it’s about the amount—it’s because he’s a papa who doesn’t see value in designer brands. I’m exactly the same.
If Ace told me she needed ¥2 million for studying abroad, I’d cover it in a heartbeat.
But if Ace asked me for a ¥500,000 handbag, I’d never buy it for her.
It’s pretty rare to find someone in Nagoya who pays ¥70,000 per pay-per-meeting arrangement. You must have been extremely popular. And having three monthly supporters even after taking a break is an impressive track record.
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I don’t get them either.
Maybe it’s because I’m the type to think, “If I want designer items, I’ll just buy them myself!”
It probably just means that neither you nor I are the kind of women men feel compelled to buy things for. But it’s not causing you any problems, right?! So there’s nothing wrong with that.
Rather than being showered with gifts and feeling like you can’t refuse anything, I think it’s better to buy what you want yourself and enjoy a relationship without overextending yourself.
That said, I’d still be happy to receive something! But who wouldn’t?!
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Because my personality is more like Chisako Takashima’s. Unless you talk like a Nogizaka46 member. Try searching for “azatoi” (“calculated cuteness”)—someone from The Bachelor might come up.
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To sum it up after writing such a long answer: I think it’s because you’re pursuing a much more involved relationship.
Here’s the long version.
I’ve spoken with several women who received gifts worth hundreds of thousands—or even millions—of yen from their papas. The common points seemed to be that “men who prefer giving gifts are often genuinely romantically invested,” and that “being involved with a man who gives expensive gifts is truly difficult. It didn’t last, and we broke up.”
The stories behind the “truly difficult” part were shocking enough that I was taken aback. Since it’s someone else’s business, they were interesting to hear and I’d love to write about them, but it would probably be obvious right away who I was referring to, so I’ll refrain.
As for what you’re doing wrong, I think you’re not taking enough risks.
As the saying goes, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
If you’re not talking about something with such a high potential return, but simply want gifts worth tens of thousands of yen, I can answer from my own experience.
I usually offer ¥50,000 per meeting, but when I really like a woman, I sometimes give her gifts worth tens or even hundreds of thousands of yen, and in some cases, millions of yen.
The women I’ve given gifts to have a few things in common: we’re highly compatible, they’re good at closing the distance, and they’re very responsive.
Compatibility is like drawing lots, so I think closing the distance and being responsive are things you can improve through effort.
Closing the distance might mean being open enough to tell me her real name early on, for example.
Being responsive means showing genuine gratitude—and expressing and demonstrating it—when a man does more than the allowance you initially agreed on. Some women even express gratitude simply for the fact that the relationship has continued.
Come to think of it, these are also qualities shared by the women who received gifts worth millions of yen from the papas I mentioned earlier.
An addition after reading Paper Airplane’s answer:
That’s true—someone you only meet about once a month isn’t really someone I’d want to give gifts to.
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