My regular papa (with an adult relationship) has been making increasingly demanding requests, and I’m struggling with how to handle it.
For example:
Wanting to see me more often
Wanting to see me today
Having me join a meal with people he knows
Saying, “I’ll come pick you up at work”
Wanting to come to my home
Wanting to record us being intimate, and so on...
Do some of you feel that this level of expectation is normal for a monthly arrangement?
It depends on the person, but regular papas tend to have a more boyfriend-like style, so the boundaries have gradually become blurred.
The basis of my approach is that I want them to enjoy being with me and feel glad they chose me, so I provide what they’re looking for as part of the service. I see the allowance as compensation for that.
Even so, I gently turn down things I’m uncomfortable with, but it’s starting to feel overwhelming.
This is my third regular papa during my papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) experience, but I’ve never had anyone get this close before, so I’m confused.
I enjoy the dates, meals, trips, and conversations we share. I don’t like dealing with multiple people, but I do enjoy intimate things, so the adult relationship itself isn’t difficult for me.
But everything depends on receiving an allowance.
I also had two pay-per-meeting papas who contacted me once or twice a month, though I haven’t told my regular papa about them. I barely have time for them anymore, so those arrangements are almost over too, and that makes me anxious.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier emotionally to just do what my regular papa asks. But I’m also considering ending the monthly arrangement once before things escalate any further, even though I feel like he’d probably cut things off completely if I did.
(I can support myself through my regular job, so I’m not in financial difficulty.)
Still, I’m not young anymore, so I can’t just move on to the next person right away.
And as a result, I’m still being kept by a papa.
How much would you all be willing to accept?
#papa-katsu #boyfriendstyle #boyfriendforhire #inmy30s #wanttomakeyoufallforme #butboundariesmatter #allowanceisimportant #overprotectivepapa
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Member of another dating club
I’m late to the conversation, but if it were me, I’d assume that an arrangement that keeps escalating like that won’t last, and I’d look for another papa. Having another papa lined up also gives you a bit more leverage when negotiating with your current escalating papa.
With that in mind, you could say things like:
“I think of us as a couple. But I want a mature, independent relationship between two adults. What kind of relationship can’t continue unless we’re constantly messaging and even making intimate videos together? Is that really how you see me? It makes me sad…”
Or:
“I want us to stay happily in love for a long time. To do that, we need to find a balance between your idea of romance and mine. I want a mature relationship where we’re both independent and can respect each other.”
Or:
“I want you to be emotionally independent and secure, ○○. I once had a partner become dependent on me, and it was incredibly difficult—it left me traumatized…”
In other words, I think it’s best to create an atmosphere of, “Our ideas about relationships don’t quite match, so let’s talk it through and work things out.”
Having a thorough conversation may also make him feel satisfied that you’ve devoted so much time and emotion to him. Good luck.
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To answer honestly, I think I’d end things (´；ω；｀)
Your relationship style is more like playing the role of a girlfriend, right?
It sounds like he’s currently at his emotional peak.
I’m the type who can’t make a relationship last when I’m the one being pursued…(＞＜)
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#papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) #girlfriend experience #girlfriend-for-hire #30s #want to make him obsessed #but boundaries matter #allowance matters #overprotective papa
You’re the woman in her 30s who wrote this, right? Hashtags don’t really mean anything here… You posted about it the other day too.
It’s not like he’s asking for AF, whips, ropes, or having a vibrator held against you nonstop, right? Be sure to tell him that he absolutely cannot come to your home.
And if you’re receiving an amount that matches what he’s asking for, why not do various things for him?
Some people don’t get any offers at all, so you should be grateful that someone is willing to spend time with you.
If it becomes too painful, say goodbye before it starts affecting your mental health. Then he can make an offer to someone else, and another woman will be happy.
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Being involved with someone whose demands keep escalating can be mentally and physically exhausting.
Unless you absolutely need the money, why not tell them, “I don’t want to do ○○, but I’m okay with ○○,” even if it means being prepared to end the relationship? As Taro said, I also think it’s important to create an atmosphere where they don’t feel comfortable making such requests.
Even if I were asked to make intimate videos, I would absolutely refuse. No matter how much trust had been built, I’d be far more worried about where those videos might end up. Even if they never leaked, I still wouldn’t want to do it. I think you should also try expressing what you’re uncomfortable with instead of simply putting up with it.
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I think you should only go as far as you’re personally comfortable with.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) should be something both people enjoy and benefit from. It’s not just about the money.
Since your financial situation doesn’t seem too difficult, I think it’s best not to push yourself. Take your time finding a papa (a male supporter) who offers a proper allowance.
There’s no point in settling for an arrangement where you only meet once a month and barely get anything out of it. Look for a papa who’s willing to genuinely invest in you!
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The real mistake was continuing with someone you couldn’t be honest with.
Other than having someone you know present and filming the encounter, I wouldn’t really call the rest an escalation…
Personally, I don’t think it’s strange for anything other than filming to come up in conversation. You should just say you can’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with…
If it’s pay-per-meeting, I might be open to anything except those two…
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If you don’t like it, just say no. Actually, before it even gets to that, don’t you normally give off a “They might get mad if I say this” vibe?
Isn’t that what happens when you act like a couple while secretly viewing it as a transactional relationship? You receive an allowance by meeting the other person’s needs. With that service-industry mindset, I think you end up unable to say you dislike something and dig yourself into a hole.
People are basically selfish, and everyone has different preferences. They usually keep them hidden, but once they open up, those sides come out. Human relationships are about hashing those things out and finding a middle ground. Handling things just before they reach that point through skillful social maneuvering is what the nightlife business is really all about, in my opinion.
Your partner is not 100% in the wrong. You’ve written this as though you’re the victim, but what you’re doing is just a petty romance scam. If you want to “get them hooked,” you should learn the tricks of the trade from the hostess clubs. In Tokyo, Ginza would be better than Roppongi. You’re in your thirties, so it’s about time you started thinking about ways to compete with more than just your youth. You should probably see the real thing at least once.
Taro
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