I’ve gradually been losing the desire to see her, so I’d like to end things with the woman I’ve been seeing for a year. As a token of my appreciation for everything, I’m thinking of giving her a parting payment.

In my view, since this is a relationship involving money, the allowance already includes an element of severance pay, so I don’t think a separate parting payment is necessary.

I heard from my papa (a friend of that businessman) that a friend of mine who dated a celebrity received ¥5 million, while a woman who had been with a male business owner for about 30 years, starting in her 20s, received ¥100 million. My ex-boyfriend, whom I was involved with for 20 years (in what was essentially an affair), gave me nothing. Please do what feels right to you. Marika

I’ve turned down meeting a few people myself, but I’ve never had anyone end things with me, so I’ve never received a severance payment. The idea of a parting payment simply never occurred to me. If you feel you’d like to give one, I think you should give whatever amount you’re comfortable with. If they don’t want it, they can simply decline.

I think it depends on how much gratitude you feel. If you don’t particularly feel that way, then I don’t think you need to offer any parting money. If you do feel somewhat grateful, I think giving her around ¥500,000–¥1,000,000 would be reasonable. If that seems too much, or even excessive, then perhaps you didn’t really feel gratitude or emotional attachment. The appropriate amount is probably whatever you personally feel comfortable giving. That said, some men say that women in dating clubs need to be more prepared for the consequences. But are those men themselves prepared to take responsibility for the trouble that may arise when the relationship ends? If all they want is intimacy without being prepared for anything else, I don’t think they should lecture women about being prepared. If men expect women to be prepared for intimacy, then men should likewise be prepared to properly support them—and ensure they won’t immediately be struggling financially after the relationship ends. Incidentally, when an employment dispute goes to court after a company dismisses an employee, the settlement amount varies depending on the company’s size and location, but generally seems to be equivalent to six to 24 months’ salary. (This also depends on how long the case takes, but 10 months seems to be the most common.) So in your case, I think using 10 months’ worth—¥600,000—as the parting payment would be appropriate.

As with an allowance, I don’t think there’s any single “appropriate” amount for a parting payment. If you’ve had a meaningful relationship up to that point, I don’t think you necessarily need to give anything. But if you want to make a clean break on your own terms, you can give whatever amount feels right to you. The only time I’ve given a lump sum when ending things was when the other person got married. It was 100, more as a wedding gift than a parting payment. There’s only been one person, and I’ve never been the one to initiate a breakup, so I haven’t really given a true parting payment. Hope that helps.

This is Takei from the staff. Since the relationship lasted a full year, I imagine she must have enjoyed spending time with you to some extent as well. During that time, didn’t you support her in ways beyond the allowance, such as covering meals and other expenses? Personally, I think about one month’s allowance would be appropriate. It’s thoughtful of you to want to give her a parting gift.