Syphilis is spreading, and I’d like to know how to politely decline oral sex with male members who haven’t recently cooperated with a partners’ health check. Would men feel offended if I explained the reason honestly? If any female members have had similar experiences, I’d appreciate hearing how you phrased it for reference.
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I’m specifying oral sex because the premise is that condoms are required.
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I don’t receive oral sex from women.
That said, if someone told me that before we had sex, I think I’d lose interest in seeing her altogether.
That’s just how men think sometimes.
If you absolutely don’t want to do it, be clear about it—even if you’re prepared for the relationship to end.
There’s really no way to say it without possibly offending him…
And if, during sex, you start feeling that he’s dangerous, all you can do is stop right there.
Sex workers are the same way. You’re the only one who can protect yourself.
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How about saying, “I recently got tested for the following, and everything came back negative. What about you?”
If he dodges the question by saying something like, “I haven’t been tested lately,” you could try saying, “Then I’ll give you a blowjob if you get tested.”
Marika
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I think it would be best to tell him exactly that. But as Mac-san said, the wording is a bit too formal and isn’t something people would normally say out loud, so I think it’s fine to put it in more natural, conversational language.
I just want to say one thing to Makeotoko-san.
I don’t know how influential you are, but you likely have at least some influence in a place like this. So when you say things like, “There are girls who beg to do it without protection,” or, “I enjoy it, so I can’t refuse when they ask to do it without protection,” it creates a problem.
Someone reading this might get the wrong idea and think, “So there are girls who are okay with doing it without protection?” I absolutely would never do that, and I would refuse. But not everyone is the same, and I’m sure there are women who can’t bring themselves to say no when a man asks.
If you’re worried about pregnancy or illness, then all the more reason to just put on a condom when asked. And if he still insists on being selfish about it, why not end the relationship?
I wish all male members would make wearing a condom the obvious standard.
Doing it without protection isn’t something to brag about at all.
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Since syphilis has a window period of about a month after exposure, a recent test doesn’t really mean anything.
You could write this down and hand it to him:
“I only provide oral sex to people who haven’t had sex with anyone within the past month and who tested negative at least one month after their last possible exposure.”
Of course, you also need to avoid cunnilingus for a month—including from your boyfriend.
There are also STIs like Mycoplasma and Ureaplasma, which are so obscure that hardly anyone here—even among the respondents—gets tested regularly for them, except perhaps me. If you worry about everything, there’s no end to it.
P.S. Rin, I’m truly sorry. I sincerely regret it, and I appreciate you pointing it out.
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From a man’s perspective, people would naturally assume that you’ve had a partner check, right?
So this is based on the assumption that you’ve already taken one.
After dinner, when he invites you somewhere, you could say something like:
“If we’re going today, this is how I’d like things to be. But if you’re willing to get a partner check, I’d be okay with oral too. Would you be willing to take one? I’m just a bit of a worrier.”
That might be a reasonable way to bring it up.
Still, it’s only slightly better than having him mention it once you’re already at the hotel. Either way, there’s a chance it could create some tension.
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I don’t think you need to worry about offending them, so it’s best to be honest.
Rather than using a vague phrase like “recent,” I’d suggest being more specific and saying, “Someone who has a negative test certificate issued within the past week.”
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