I have about 6,000 yen that I lent (?) to my papa...
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He’s said things like, “I don’t have any small bills...” so I’ve paid for taxis, parking, food and drinks, and hotel fees on his behalf.
Altogether, it comes to around 6,000 yen.
It’s been going on for about a year, and otherwise things are stress-free.
But!!
I know that if someone says, “It’s only 6,000 yen, and you’re getting an allowance, so just put up with it,” that would be the end of the discussion...
But little things add up.
If these small charges keep increasing and I end up paying more and more out of pocket, it just doesn’t sit right with me.
At the same time, I can’t exactly say, “Please pay me back for everything I’ve covered so far,” with a full list of the dates and amounts...
Should I continue seeing him while simply accepting that this is the kind of person he is?
A dating club is for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), not a brothel lol, so once you become closer, is it normal for expenses like these to become a given?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I’ve never let him pay a single yen. That’s only natural.
Still, if he’s a tacky papa but gives you tens of thousands of yen, you should probably just let it go. Consider it a necessary business expense.
If you cut him off over a few thousand yen, you’ll lose tens of thousands.
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I’ve never had to pay upfront for a date with a papa (a male supporter). Come to think of it, I’ve never even taken out my wallet…
Even if it was only a small amount and happened just once, I’d be more hurt that he hadn’t properly prepared money for our date than by not being paid back. I don’t think a man would ever do that to a woman he truly values.
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Maybe you simply have different attitudes toward money.
That ¥6,000 may feel like ¥60 to your papa (a male supporter)—something so trivial that he forgets about it, thinking, “It’s only ¥60; who cares?”
But little things like this gradually become stressful. They build up into resentment, and eventually, I suppose, people break up.
My condolences.
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You’ll probably just have to accept that that’s the kind of person he is.
If everything else is stress-free, I’d say he’s not a bad papa (a male supporter).
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He may be romantically involved with you, rather than doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
My previous boyfriend was like that. I made an opera reservation, and he said he’d pay me back later, but then forgot… Still, I found it hard to bring up the fact that he owed me money.
Looking back now, I regret not realizing sooner that he was the one who cared about me the most.
There are so many self-centered people… I’m single again.
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No, normally, it’s the other way around.
The man should cover everything in situations like that—right down to the smallest details.
He might as well just hand over the change too…
And if you can’t even ask for that 6,000 yen, the relationship is already over. Normally, he’d give you 10,000 yen, and you’d get 4,000 yen as spending money. Honestly, he’d probably give you 20,000 yen—double that.
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Weren’t we taught that when you lend someone money, you should do so expecting never to get it back?
That’s because there really are people who won’t return it.
So if that kind of thing bothers you, and someone says, “I don’t have any smaller bills,” the right response is:
“I don’t have any change either…”
and then don’t pay.
If you do hand it over, give it with the mindset that you’re giving them a gift.
The person who borrows money and doesn’t pay it back is the one in the wrong, but the basic rule is:
Don’t lend money in the first place. If you do, give it expecting it won’t come back.
That’s the general principle.
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He may have forgotten, but maybe he’s just playing dumb（笑）
Well, I guess it’s a necessary expense?
Next time something comes up, try saying, “I’m a little short this month!” and play dumb while hinting that you’d like a little extra…
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I’ve had a similar experience in the past, though he wasn’t a papa.
At the time, I was dating a businessman, and just like you, things like parking fees and leftover change gradually added up to tens of thousands of yen in total (lol).
If you really can’t stand it, I’d give up on the 6,000 yen you’ve already paid and prevent it from increasing by saying in advance, “I’ve been living completely cashless lately~”
Then, if he asks, just stick to, “I don’t have any either.”
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First, I’d assume they’re that kind of unreliable person and only hand it over expecting that the 6,000 yen won’t come back…
You could do so much with 6,000 yen, though(´；ω；｀)
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I don’t usually borrow money, and I never have. I always make sure to have exact change too. What kind of careless papa (a male supporter) is this?
If I ever did have to borrow money, I’d pay it back with a little extra.
If I borrowed 1,000 yen or more, I’d give back 5,000 yen if I had a 5,000-yen bill, or 10,000 yen if I didn’t. If someone covered 120 yen for my drink, I’d give them 1,000 yen.
So, as you can see, it really adds up, which is why I always make sure to have small change (I’m cheap).
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If you’re in a relationship, I think you should be able to talk to them about things like that.
Dating is a one-on-one human relationship, not a commercial sex service. If you’re close, you should be able to say something like, “It makes me sad that you haven’t paid me back for the money I covered for you.”
That said, including the hotel fee, only 6,000 yen? Now I’m curious what kind of hotel you’re going to.
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