When meeting someone for the first time, is the full allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) usually paid beforehand or afterward? I’d like to pay half before and the other half afterward—what do you think? I’m not comfortable paying the full amount upfront when I don’t know the other person’s preferences or whether we’ll be compatible. I’d appreciate your advice.

Do as you please. Though if there’s no next time, you’ll probably be disliked. Women don’t know what the person asking might do to them either, after all.

I completely understand how you feel. Rather than splitting it into before and after, why not make it pay-per-meeting—or, in this case, pay-per-step? (lol) For example: One payment when you meet One after dinner One when you agree to go to the room One after entering the room, and so on… That sounds kind of interesting, actually. (lol) I think it’s worth trying.

For the first meeting, I pay the allowance upfront. I don’t think handing it over in a less gentlemanly way is acceptable. That said, once we’ve built a certain level of rapport, I may give it to her afterward. Actually, when someone in their 30s asks a strange question, it reflects poorly on our whole generation, so could you be a little more careful? (lol) People like Kamihikōki and Makeotoko might start asking, “Why are people in their 30s doing papa-katsu?” (lol) I think it’s pretty normal to respond financially when I appreciate something or someone, so I have no problem with allowance-based relationships. If anything, I feel like I often get more in return that way. Someone I was seeing once told me she didn’t like allowance-based relationships, but I still gave her the allowance properly. My position has something to do with it, but fundamentally, it just doesn’t occur to me not to respond financially. Besides, nothing is scarier than getting something for free. (lol) You’re talking about compatibility and all that, but this is papa-katsu. If a few tens of thousands to a few hundred thousand yen bothers you that much, you might as well use a regular dating app and date without an allowance.

> I don’t feel right paying the full amount upfront when I don’t yet know the other person’s preferences—or whether we’ll be compatible. When you eat at a restaurant, do you say you’ll only pay half if the food wasn’t good? Or demand a half refund on an appliance because you didn’t like it after buying it? Wouldn’t that make you a difficult customer? In Japan, people like that are generally seen as lacking common sense and are disliked as complainers. Regardless of whether you know if you’re compatible, the basic rule is to pay the woman the full amount you initially offered. It’s absolutely unacceptable to make excuses after the meal and refuse to pay. I can’t imagine how you’ve managed to get by until now—you must have been very unpopular with the people around you. I don’t think the person asking this question will change their personality anytime soon, so I think it would be best for them to leave Universe. If you’re willing to listen even a little, then from now on, pay the full amount upfront. And if you feel you’re compatible, give the woman an additional amount equal to the original payment after you’re done. The basic idea is that when deciding whether things went well, you don’t reduce the payment because you felt incompatible—you increase it because you felt compatible. After all, things went well, didn’t they? If it was good, I don’t think doubling the payment would be a loss. If you weren’t compatible, you can simply choose not to see her again.

I’ve learned that even the way someone hands over an allowance can reveal a lot about their character. I don’t know why you want to split it into two payments, or whether you intend to pay only half if you’re not satisfied. But if someone suggested that to me, I’d feel like they didn’t trust me—or thought I might be a boring woman. If you still think that method is best, why not give it a try? If you’re worried, I think paying afterward would at least be more tasteful.

There seem to be people who pay the allowance upfront and others who pay afterward, but personally, I always pay in advance. I believe mutual trust is important in any relationship, which is why I think it’s better to show the other person that you trust them, even in small ways. I’ve paid dozens of women upfront this way, and I’ve never had things end badly as a result. On the contrary, there have even been women who tried to return the allowance because their period started while they were showering, despite thinking they’d just make it in time, or because they were talking before showering and ran out of time for another appointment they had scheduled. Some have even offered to return it because they felt they hadn’t satisfied me since I didn’t finish. People talk about preferences and compatibility, but to me, that seems to mean whether or not they’re satisfied with the other person’s service. A relationship isn’t a sex service where you’re buying a service, and I don’t think the allowance is payment in return for one. I think it’s best to accept from the outset that the club’s arrangement fee, the transportation money you give the woman, and the first allowance are all money you may never get back. That way, you won’t dwell on every little thing.

As long as you have the woman’s consent, I think you can do whatever you like. I’m curious how generous an allowance you’re offering, though. If it’s around ¥100,000 per pay-per-meeting arrangement, for example, it seems reasonable to give half upfront and the rest afterward. If it isn’t that much, why not simply give her the full amount and decide not to meet again if you feel she wasn’t worth it? If even that feels like a waste, then perhaps you’d be better off looking somewhere other than a dating club.

No way… How stingy. Please give me the allowance after we get to the hotel. If our kinks don’t match, you’re not going to pay half, are you? If your preferences aren’t normal, go to a brothel. I’m sure they’ll make you feel good. Could she run off? Maybe. But given your age, I think that’s because you’re offering women an unreasonably large age gap. I saw several pairs yesterday too—men in their 50s with women around 30. Even so, you can tell they’re mistresses. You should be grateful that anyone is willing to spend time with you.

It’s pretty bold of you to ask that question and expect the answerer to agree. I also, of course, always pay the full allowance upfront. If that’s what you want to do, why not make an offer at half your budget without telling the woman anything? If she agrees and you become intimate but the chemistry isn’t there, you can say goodbye. If you hit it off, give her the remaining half. For men whose pay-per-meeting budget is around 10, that seems like a perfectly workable approach. You’re not just trying to skimp on the allowance, are you?

What is that supposed to mean? I seriously don’t get it?? And on top of that, a papa in his 30s? It’s just one nonsensical thing after another?? Is he already a lost cause as a man?? Goodbye… > “What feels good to a man doesn’t feel good to a woman.” You really need to keep that firmly in mind. Above all, you’ve got to make it one thing after another that feels good for the woman…

So you’re saying you won’t pay the remaining half if you don’t feel compatible, right? That’s absolutely unacceptable, so I hope you leave Universe Club immediately. A matching app would be perfect for you. It’s obvious you’re not cut out to be a papa, so please quit papa-katsu right now. A papa who makes women feel uneasy has no place here. As a basic premise, there isn’t a single woman in the world who prefers to be paid afterward. If there were, she’d only be lying to make the man like her. In fact, not one female respondent said she wanted to be paid afterward. Not one. I’ve spent the last few months going to men’s relaxation salons like crazy, and apparently even there, a certain number of regular customers want to pay afterward. “They’re all, without exception, regulars who’ve fallen seriously in love with their provider.” That’s what I was told. “No matter how pleasant their personality is or how much you like their looks, if they don’t pay upfront, you can’t concentrate on the treatment at all. In the end, that regular customer is only hurting himself, right?” That’s what I was told. I can practically hear someone saying, “Men’s relaxation salons and papa-katsu are different,” but they’re the same. Nobody starts papa-katsu because they want to fall seriously in love with a papa. That only happens as a result. They start papa-katsu because they want money. So you need to satisfy that desire first. Otherwise, they won’t feel even the slightest desire for intimacy. Pay upfront, and pay the full amount. Only paying half means she’ll only be half in the mood, so of course the questioner isn’t satisfied during the adult relationship. She isn’t giving it her all. I’ve approached a lot of women working at men’s relaxation salons, and every one I successfully won over has told me, “You have such a classy way of spending money.” In other words, that was a major reason they were won over. You’re free to pay the other half afterward, but you’ve made such a terrible first impression that recovering from it will probably be impossible. Even if she becomes your monthly arrangement, she’ll always be looking at you with suspicion. She’ll never open her heart to you. “Whatever feels good for a man doesn’t feel good for a woman.” That’s the absolute basic rule. There are certainly things that feel good for a woman but not for a man. But accepting those things with a smile is what makes a gentleman, isn’t it? Why are you trying to make women conform to your preferences? I genuinely don’t understand. Do you really want to be unpopular that badly? I want to be popular, so I always put ladies first. For starters, why are you acting as a papa in your thirties? You’re still young and energetic enough to approach women and pick them up, aren’t you? Even at 84, I’m still going strong and approaching women all the time. ■Update Early, you’re handsome and your allowance is generous, so if anything, you should do even more papa-katsu. Much, much more. It’s nowhere near enough. All the women are after you, Early. Someone young who offers a generous allowance? I wouldn’t stand a chance if we were competing—sweat.

Don’t be stingy over what amounts to half a meeting’s allowance. Pay the full amount upfront. If she turns out to be a starfish and you’re not interested, just don’t meet her again.

This is starting to sound like a hitman contract: half up front, with the rest paid upon success... lol I think you should handle the payment however you like. People say it’s better to pay upfront, but for me, it varies depending on how the day is going. If she seems particularly wary because the arrangement feels very transactional, I’ll show her the money first. Otherwise, I just pay afterward as usual. Splitting it into half upfront and half afterward is unusual, and it may give the impression that you’re a fussy, difficult guy, so I wouldn’t recommend it. If you’re concerned, I think paying afterward would still be the better option. P.S. Wait, what is this—you’ve posted six questions? (They’ll probably get hidden later.) ...That’s exactly the problem. Try to take it a little more easygoing. You can’t have fun properly without a certain amount of “playfulness.” Taro