I've been seeing a man about once a month for around a year, with an allowance. The last time we met, he said he didn't have much cash on hand and asked me to cover the hotel bill for him. This had happened once before and he transferred the money to me later, so I agreed to meet him on the understanding that he would transfer both the allowance and the hotel cost afterward. However, he didn't transfer anything on the day he said he would, and after sending me a LINE message saying, "I'll contact you again," he has ignored both my messages and calls. I at least want him to repay what I covered, but is there any chance of that happening?
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I'm shaken because I never thought a man old enough to be my father would take money from me.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
If you didn’t receive your allowance or even reimbursement for the hotel, and he’s no longer responding, there’s a good chance he’s ghosted you.
If he’s a club member, give the club your feedback. If you met through an app, you may have to accept the loss and move on—look for your next papa (a male supporter).
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To be frank, I think you’re being incredibly naive.
Even if it lasted a year, seeing each other once a month hardly qualifies as a deep relationship. And I don’t understand what “I didn’t have any cash on me” is supposed to mean. He could’ve just stopped by a convenience store and withdrawn some. What does he mean, he had to borrow it? The fact that he paid you back later doesn’t make it okay. If that really was the case, that guy’s finances must be in seriously bad shape.
There’s no doubt the man was in the wrong, as everyone else has pointed out. But you’re pretty clueless yourself. NHK has a segment on its evening news called “Stop Fraud,” so you should record it and watch it every day. Compared with apps, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is certainly much safer, but you’re still stepping into an area that isn’t exactly normal. Even as a woman, you should have an appropriate level of caution and be prepared for the risks.
Taro
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If you take an optimistic view of human nature, there’s still hope.
Try not to panic. For now, stay calm and act as though you expect to get back not only what you covered, but more than that.
For a while, just keep messaging that you’d like to meet as usual, like you always have. Act as though you’re not worried, and let things naturally return to the point where you’re both meeting again.
I don’t think it would be too late to tell the club if things become truly impossible to resolve.
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You might want to contact him once and say, “Would it be all right if I consulted the branch office about what happened with you?” If he ignores you after that, seriously consider speaking to the branch office. There really are some awful men out there.
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Some men really are awful.
I suspect he did that at the end because he already intended to break things off. It may be difficult to get the money back, but please consult the club.
Even if they don’t get involved in the “free dating” aspect, they can hear you out and remind him that a gentleman keeps his promises.
At the very least, I think they can have that conversation with him. Men who aren’t gentlemen may even be forcibly expelled from the club.
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You should probably assume you won’t get the money back…
If he’s from a club, report what happened to the staff. It may not resolve anything immediately, but if a man like that keeps doing the same thing, his rating could drop and he might even be forced to leave the club.
It’s unfortunate, but think of it as an expensive lesson. From now on, don’t pay anything upfront, and make sure you receive your allowance before you leave.
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Your chances don’t look very promising.
For now, if you’re still registered with the club, it would be a good idea to leave feedback. They won’t collect the allowance on your behalf just because you submit feedback, but at least the staff will know what kind of man he is.
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