How often do you communicate with and meet your PJs?

In my case, I received seven or eight offers before starting an arrangement, and actually met three women. It started with me turning down offers. After various things happened—some of which I’ve also shared in this Q&A box—we finally began seeing each other. It’s been just one Type C woman, with an age gap of over 40 years. We’ve been together for four years now, and I have a feeling it won’t end anytime soon. When I first met her, I asked, “Would meeting twice a month and exchanging emails work for you?” She said yes, so we’ve stuck to that arrangement ever since. We email every day, basically one exchange each way (occasionally three). As long as her message arrives before I email her the next day, I consider it a win! I’m pretty busy too, so I can’t spend all day emailing. She taught me how to use LINE, so we’ve mostly switched to that recently, but the basic routine hasn’t changed. When I first met her, she was like a doll—an awkward, plain country girl. After starting work, both her clothes and attitude became much more sophisticated, and now she’s finally being told she used to be pretty handsome—haha. Or maybe she’s just gotten better at flattering me? If you confirm everything when you first meet and you’re both happy with the arrangement, there’s no reason not to continue that way. In my case, I don’t make any new offers while I’m seeing someone.

I think it depends on the person. I’m pretty lonely by nature, so I always reply right away. But I’m sure some people are more reserved about texting too! I don’t have a monthly arrangement, so I’m bored every day, haha.

I’m in touch with each of my papas a few times a week. Most of the time, they’re the ones who reach out, so I mainly just reply. We usually talk about planning our next date—things like “I’d like to go here” or “I feel like eating this.” There are men who like to be in frequent contact, you know… If it were my boyfriend, that would be one thing, but I wouldn’t want a papa messaging me every day from “good morning” to “good night.” You may not be quite that intense, but please keep in mind that some people start to feel overwhelmed when they’re contacted constantly, as if they’re being controlled.

Woman A receives her allowance without sex, so she has to maintain the connection through conversation. She’ll probably respond to casual, everyday LINE messages. For Woman C, sex is the compensation, so chatting on LINE afterward isn’t part of the arrangement. If you expect her to reply and keep the conversation going, you’ll either need to offer her more than she expects in allowance, or look for one of those rare women who genuinely enjoys messaging and is happy to stay in frequent contact. There are over 6,000 women registered, if I remember correctly, so it’s a real mixed bag. I think you’ll need to make plenty of offers before you find the woman who matches your ideal at your ideal cost. You might get lucky and find her with your next offer, or you might make dozens of offers without finding her. I have to admit, I’m having a little trouble understanding why you don’t want to do that… As for how often to meet, I’d discuss both sides’ preferences, then make a proposal from there.

With a monthly arrangement, I naturally stay in touch with my papa (a male supporter) every day, including phone calls. Even with the others, we exchange casual LINE messages a few times a week. We meet at least once a week, or about once every two weeks. I like to think that I’ve built a strong bond with my papas over the course of several years. I sometimes wonder if the women you meet outside the club confide in you about everything because they feel reassured that you wouldn’t try to pursue anything physical with them. But dating clubs are a little different. Since an adult relationship (intimate) is generally expected, and they may already have the negative impression that “he’s the kind of guy who registers with a dating club,” things like showing that you’re not desperate, being an attractive older man, and having a clean, well-groomed appearance may be even more important. I don’t know the details, so I can only say so much, but I’m sure that if you remain a gentleman, you’ll eventually meet a wonderful woman.

To put it bluntly, things won’t go the way you want unless you’re popular enough outside the club that you wouldn’t even need the club. You weren’t getting into relationships either before joining the club or through the club. To be more specific, this is already too infrequent before joining: > Irregularly (about once every two weeks) It should be once every two days—or even almost every day. Since that’s already too infrequent, once you join the club, it turns into: > We meet about once a month. That’s what happens. > She replies within a day or two when I message her. If you’re actually in a relationship, there may be times when she’s busy and replies late, but you’ll also get replies within a minute—or immediately after she sees your message. P.S. As for what to do: Figure out the relationship style you want, understand your own strengths and characteristics, and learn to recognize women who are compatible with you—not just physically and visually, but also in terms of chemistry and overall feeling. You need to develop the ability to make that selection. Otherwise, it’s difficult for a good relationship to naturally deepen and continue smoothly over time. P.P.S. Also, you should avoid sending messages that are clearly fishing for a reply. Basically, don’t be the one initiating scheduling messages. Whether it’s through the club or outside it, if you stop contacting her first, women will naturally message you at their own pace—some every four or five days, some every two or three days, some almost every day, some several times a day, and some only once a month. They’ll keep sending messages regardless of whether you reply.

> You’ve had long-term relationships with several Type A women outside the club since before joining. I don’t think “Type A” exists outside the club. Are you talking about another dating club? Or by “Type A,” do you mean women who want a dinner-only (no intimacy) arrangement? Unless you clearly state the terms of the arrangement that each woman had written, I feel the meaning can change. Also, if you’ve been seeing them for a long time, I assume you’re still seeing them now. But after this part, it becomes unclear whether you’re talking about women you met before joining or women you met through the club. > After joining the club, I started communicating with several Type C women. Do you mean that, since joining the dating club, you’ve been seeing Type C women? > We meet about once a month. I’ve been arranging these meetings for a long time, and in between, we communicate on LINE. It seems that, unless the two of you have become close, most people prefer to use LINE mainly for scheduling outside of your meetings. Of course, that may be different once you’ve developed a closer relationship, but otherwise, I think it’s better not to communicate too much between dates. > Personally, I joined hoping that my relationships with the Type A women I’ve continued seeing would develop into an adult relationship (intimate), but… I don’t really understand why you expected to develop an adult relationship with women you had already been seeing before joining the club, when you’ve been offering to meet Type C women since joining. > I’m agonizing over how to use the club. If you’re offering to meet Type C women and seeing them once a month, but you’re dissatisfied with that, why not meet them twice or three times a month? Does that mean you don’t have enough money for that? Or are you looking for someone you can meet once a month and correspond with the rest of the time?

It really depends on the person. If you met her through a club, she may see you simply as a papa from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) whom she met through the club. If you enjoy your time together and the conversation flows when you meet, isn’t that enough? I sense kindness from her, as well as respect for you as the person giving her an allowance. Some women stay in frequent contact whether someone is their papa, an acquaintance, or a boyfriend, while others don’t. If she’s the latter type, it’s best not to expect too much from her. Akari

It depends on the person.

I’ll get straight to the point: if you’re not attractive to women as a man, you won’t win over an A-type girl. Throwing more money at her is pointless. A-type women are A-type because they “can’t have sex with an old man they don’t see as a man.” Conversely, if she sees you as a man, she’ll agree to an adult relationship (intimate). One more thing: people who are good at communication never let their guard down, no matter the situation. The fact that you call her “PJ” without any honorific already made me think you’re probably not very good at communicating. That’s all, but I’m bored, so I’ll go off on a tangent. I always tell them, “You don’t have to contact me,” so we don’t really keep in touch. I want them to focus wholeheartedly on their own lives when we’re not meeting. The only ones I regularly message are my ace and my girlfriend. I message my ace about once a week, and my girlfriend, who works at a lounge, every day. With the others, I only contact them to arrange dates. I meet A-type women once a month, or twice at most. When I’m trying to win over an A-type woman from a club, or a woman outside the club, the first meeting is where it’s decided. From the second meeting onward, I meet them after they’ve already fallen for me, and then I just wait for the right timing. There aren’t any women around me who fall for someone simply because they’ve met several times. Even with A-type girls from Universe Club, everything is decided on the first date. I’ve come to understand that women are just like that. Within a few minutes of meeting, they’ve already decided whether they’re willing to have an adult relationship (intimate) with the old guy sitting in front of them. Right now, I’m also trying to woo another lounge hostess, but the first meeting decided everything. We haven’t had an adult relationship (intimate) yet, but I’m certain it’ll happen. Written like this, you’re probably thinking, “Who does this guy think he is?” But there are plenty of girls I can’t win over, too. What I’m good at is young, conventionally beautiful girls. I have a pretty good success rate with girls who are well-known men’s esthetic massage workers or among the top one or two hostesses at a lounge. On the other hand, I’ve never managed to win over girls ranked fourth or fifth—or lower—at a shop. They don’t even give me the time of day. I feel like they look at me as if I were something filthy… Well, I actually am, so I can’t deny it. With young, beautiful girls, I’ve established my own sort of formula for winning them over. Girls like that get hit on by someone every single day. Their needs are actually just one thing. *And it’s not money.* I think you simply haven’t been rejected enough. Don’t ask questions on a site like this—go out there and get rejected much more aggressively.

It depends on the person, but including past arrangements, I usually meet someone anywhere from once to four times a month. Among the women I continue seeing, there isn’t anyone I meet less than once a month. I don’t make a point of meeting more often just because we’re in the early stages of seeing each other, but as we become higher priorities for one another, we naturally meet more frequently. The way we communicate also varies from person to person: some message every day, some a few times every few days, some once every few weeks, and some only when necessary. Communication frequency comes down to each person’s style, so there are certainly women for whom my communication skills probably aren’t relevant. That said, in my case, there aren’t any women where the communication is completely one-sided—where I never hear from them unless I reach out first—and those relationships don’t continue. I suspect your issue is simply the number of people you’ve met. If you meet enough women, you’ll probably come across some who reply frequently. Of course, it also helps if they genuinely like you, although there may be women who are more professional about it. Also, you mentioned that you’ve continued seeing some A-type women outside the club without an allowance. That suggests a certain number of them probably do have feelings for you. However, I feel that suddenly developing into an adult relationship (intimate) under the current circumstances would be about as likely as a lucky punch after drinking too much. When I give advice to a junior from university or an acquaintance introduced by someone else, I obviously wouldn’t pay an allowance. I might simply buy them dinner and listen to their concerns, but I’m not so eager that I’d expect that to develop into an adult relationship. I don’t know what the A-type women you’re seeing think, but since you currently only have dinner and there’s no allowance involved, they may assume that an adult relationship would also be without an allowance. If so, they probably aren’t even considering that possibility—unless there isn’t much of an age gap or they particularly like older men. I don’t have that many examples, but when someone I met outside a club who seemed to be A-type developed into an adult relationship, it happened within two or three months. In my case, I give women I see for dinner only an allowance of around 1 to 5. Since my financial means are part of who I am, I would still offer it whether I were handsome or had excellent communication skills. What you compete on is different for everyone, and it also depends on how the other person receives it, so there probably isn’t one right answer. I hope this gives you some helpful perspective. As for dating clubs, you generally have some information in advance, so I don’t meet an enormous number of people. But if the initial chemistry is bad, I don’t keep seeing someone just hoping it will improve eventually. Outside a club, you naturally have more contact with someone beforehand than you do through a club. Even so, if the initial chemistry is poor, I don’t expect things to improve on subsequent meetings.

A-type, no allowance, huh? That’s unusual. Since it’s outside the club, you’re free to do as you please, though. I think it’ll take about a year for things to progress. There’s also a chance it may never happen. With C-type, some people stay in frequent contact, while for others, it’s perfectly normal to have about that little contact. They may not reach out unless there’s something to discuss or something related to when you met. If you don’t meet twice a month, you probably won’t become any closer than that. After all, intimacy is proportional to the time and money invested.

I think you have a particular style of relationship you’re looking for. As you mentioned in the latter half, until you meet a woman who’s looking for the same thing, you probably just have to meet as many people as possible. Even among Type A women, some are distant outside of meetings, while others may be open to an adult relationship (intimate). Likewise, some Type C women stay in frequent contact even when you’re not meeting. There may be general tendencies by type, but not everyone is the same—people pursue papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for all sorts of reasons.