I’d like to ask for advice about male members who tell me they’re married.
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I recently joined as a Type B member.
Thankfully, I’ve received offers and have met several men.
They’ve all been wonderful people, and they’ve said they’d like to see me again. At the time, I also felt that I’d like to continue seeing them, so we exchanged contact information.
…But during our conversations, they’ve all casually mentioned having wives and children.
Since I’m a Type B member and we’ve only had dinner together, none of these relationships have progressed any further yet.
However, when I really think about it, if things were to develop into an adult relationship (intimate), that would constitute adultery, wouldn’t it?
Why did these male members go out of their way to tell me they were married? I’ve already told them that I don’t want to get married, so I don’t think it’s about preventing me from developing serious feelings for them.
Honestly, from a woman’s perspective, I feel the risk would be lower if they told us they were divorced or single instead.
(If something happened, we could say we didn’t know, and we wouldn’t have to feel guilty, among other things…)
I understand that married people have their own reasons for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I don’t have a problem with married men per se. But when a man openly tells me he’s married, it does make me lose interest a little. And I don’t want an adult relationship (intimate) badly enough to take on that kind of risk, so I’m thinking of turning them down the next time we meet for dinner…
To the male members: Do you tell women that you’re married? If so, why? Do you make any arrangements in case your wife finds out?
To the female members: Are any of you seeing a papa (a male supporter) even though you knew he was married before starting the relationship? If so, did you make any arrangements beforehand?
I’d appreciate hearing your experiences.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
In my case, I tell her verbally when we first meet that I’m married.
If we meet a second time or make plans to meet again, I also tell her that I’ll take responsibility if anything unexpected happens. If our relationship becomes closer, I’ll even share information about my company as reassurance in case of an emergency.
That said, after that, I don’t bring up my family unless she asks.
I don’t mean to sound conceited, but based on my experience, being unmarried can actually leave a more negative impression in terms of my overall profile—as if there might be some serious hidden drawback. More women seem to prefer someone who is upfront about being married, so that’s why I’m open about it.
Of course, like you, some women consider married men too risky and won’t pursue an adult relationship (intimate). But in my experience, it has never stopped things from developing into one.
Even if she knows, there will always be some degree of risk. So I think it’s best to be aware of that and take the kind of precautions Aya mentioned.
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I was going to add an update, but I accidentally deleted it instead.
I tell them that I’m married. At first, I thought it was more polite not to mention being married. But that ended up hurting some women. Given my age and personality, it seems some women see me as a potential marriage partner even in a setting like this.
If I accidentally give someone the wrong idea, it could lead to trouble, my wife could find out, and then she’d kill me. So I make sure to tell them I’m married.
Mac-san,
The part about my wife killing me is half a joke. I’d probably face punishment close to death, though.
Also, I’m not sure how to put this well, but I think there’s an important sense of trust created by both sides putting something at risk.
To put it simply, I know my partner’s personal information, and she knows mine. But we have the trust and sense of responsibility to never cause each other trouble, no matter the circumstances. That’s why we can both be open with each other.
You could call it trust—or, in a sense, mutual leverage. I prefer relationships like this. I guess it comes down to personal preference and style. Personally, I like women who are willing to take a little risk, haha.
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I’m with Makeotoko on this one.
I never understood people who talk about their families with their dating partner during a date… But after reading Aya’s answer, it made sense.
It reminded me that I need to know my place and make sure I don’t cause any trouble while seeing someone.
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I feel that papas who frequently talk about their wives and children are trying to make it clear that they’re not seriously falling for me. I appreciate that, so I continue the relationship as is.
However, there is a risk of being sued by their wives, so I bring it up with my papa over LINE—something like, “If your wife finds out, wouldn’t she demand compensation from me? > <”—and get him to explicitly say something along the lines of, “I’ll take responsibility if anything happens,” meaning he’ll cover the compensation on my behalf.
That’s what I do with the married papas I’m currently seeing. I bring up these topics occasionally in our everyday conversations, too. I think anyone who doesn’t even want to discuss them is risky.
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How about writing in your profile: “Being married only creates risks, so please keep it hidden and meet in person”?
I believe men should be met with those risks included, so it doesn’t bother me at all. I’d take it positively, thinking, “He trusts me enough to tell me about his family!”
If you can’t do that, then perhaps you should either politely decline or prevent this by mentioning it in your profile.
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I think all three of ①, ②, and ③ apply to Mr. Loser.
Rather than saying anything, I think it’s better for the man to put in the effort, because things could get ugly in the worst-case scenario—the jealousy of a wife whose heart has been stolen can be truly frightening… Please think of it as being for everyone’s peace of mind: for both the man and woman, it’s simply a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) arrangement involving money, not an affair.
P.S.
If the woman is married, then regardless of whether it’s papa-katsu, things could get even worse if money was given to her. Her husband might say, “What the hell have you been doing, you bastard?” The fact that money was handed over as well would be humiliating for him as a husband.
From the wife’s perspective, just looking at celebrities, most cases of infidelity or cheating end in divorce. Perhaps because what happened in the multi-purpose restroom doesn’t look like an affair or cheating, but rather a temporary transaction involving money, it still hasn’t led to a divorce.
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①Showing that he’s not a dangerous papa (a male supporter) who’ll fall seriously in love and cause trouble
②Showing that he isn’t unpopular with women
③He’s just an idiot who hasn’t thought it through
It’s probably one of these, and I think most cases are ③.
P.S. Are papas like me, who go out of their way to tell a woman that they’re also seeing another regular partner, just as brain-dead? 😅
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