What exactly is wrong with doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) when I have a boyfriend?
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Is it wrong to have a physical relationship with someone else while I have a boyfriend, or is it wrong to receive money in exchange for sex? And even if you don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t really understand why papa-katsu itself is so often criticized.
I do understand that, generally speaking, there’s a tendency to disapprove of it.
The only person I truly feel I love from the bottom of my heart is my boyfriend, and my feelings for him are almost overwhelmingly strong. I don’t have romantic feelings for my papa (a male supporter), but I always feel gratitude and affection toward him. So I don’t see it as cheating, and sex is just one form of physical affection or an expression of love, so I don’t feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. I’m still doing papa-katsu because I enjoy having sex with my papa, I’m happy that he treats me like a princess, and I enjoy meeting and talking with him. Of course, I receive money, but I see that as a boundary that keeps neither of us from getting serious.
Even after explaining all this, I couldn’t get my friends to understand me at all when I told them I was doing papa-katsu, and one of them cut me off, saying they couldn’t stand having someone with those views around them. (According to my friend, having a friends-with-benefits relationship would be fine. That makes even less sense to me...)
I’m not being bitter or deliberately difficult—I genuinely don’t understand what’s wrong with it.
I fully understand that people generally see it as wrong and that my way of thinking may seem strange. Even knowing that, though, I still don’t understand why it’s wrong. This may be a ridiculous question, but I’d appreciate your thoughts.
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I feel like people who think the same way as the questioner are the ones who can keep this going here for a long time.
I agree.
But could you accept your boyfriend having an intimate relationship with another woman for the same reason?
I could accept it, haha.
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You do understand that, naturally, people have all kinds of different ways of thinking, right?
With that in mind, I took your question to mean that you don’t really understand your friend’s perspective.
What struck me was that it might have been better if these had remained separate:
○ Affection ⇒ sex
○ Sex ⇒ money
Right now, for you, it has become:
○ Affection ⇒ sex ⇒ money
If you apply that to relationships between women, it could become:
○ Friendship ⇒ empathy ⇒ money
Just as there’s a phrase like “unconditional love,” I feel there used to be a basic understanding that emotions and money were separate things.
“Were you really the kind of person who could turn emotions into money? Does that mean you only became friends with me because there was some benefit for you? I never saw it that way…”
What do you think? Does any of that sound familiar?
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Don’t worry about it—it’s just some utterly pointless talk, like which political party someone supports.
For you, your boyfriend and your papa (a male supporter) are completely separate categories, but apparently your friend sees them as coming from the same place.
Personally, I find it far more puzzling when papas criticize PJ girls for wanting an allowance higher than the current going rate for an adult relationship (intimate), despite expecting women to be beautiful and young while unfairly complaining, “I hate women who are all about money!”
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I don’t really understand what’s wrong with it either.
Maybe your friend believes that having sex with someone other than your boyfriend while you’re in a relationship violates your boyfriend’s rights. Perhaps she thinks couples, not just married couples, have an obligation to remain faithful. In that case, maybe she thinks it’s okay with a friends-with-benefits partner because there’s no such obligation.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—or relationships involving an allowance—tends to be criticized because many people believe that their sense of morality is more important than personal freedom.
Personally, though, I think interfering with someone else’s morality is what’s truly immoral.
Come to think of it, I hear there are women who get angry and consider it cheating when their partner merely watches adult videos.
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People think differently, and it’s impossible to agree on which view is right.
At work, just go along with things as needed. When it comes to friendships, spend time with people who share your way of thinking.
I’d like to organize another Universe Club meetup sometime, so come if I do. It’d be great if the female members could become friends.
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