I’m a Type C, but is it normal for the first date to be at a café?
If the meeting time is after lunchtime, is it reasonable to assume that a café would be the usual choice for a first date?
This is my first time, so I wanted to ask.
When I signed up, I was told that dates would start with a meal, so I wanted to clarify.
I’d really appreciate it if someone could answer. Thank you.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂40s👑Universe female member
I use cafés all the time.
Obviously, if it’s not around lunchtime or dinner, but even when we’re planning to eat, I often suggest meeting at a café first, chatting for a bit, and then heading somewhere else.
I feel it’s better to get a general sense of each other before going to a restaurant. It’s also easier to adjust things—like considering how we’re feeling that day or what we can eat—before moving on.
If the goal is simply to have a buffer, the casual, slightly bustling atmosphere of a café can actually be a plus.
Besides, isn’t it more natural for two people to walk into a restaurant together?
This reply is a little late, but I thought I’d answer before anyone could put the wrong bias on it, haha.
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If the offer is for around 3 p.m., a café would definitely be a possibility.
I once went to afternoon tea at a Hilton hotel during their strawberry fair.
It was practically empty because of COVID, so it turned into a really satisfying date.
These days, hotel buffets are packed too, which makes them a bit harder to go to…
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If it were me, I’d still go hungry, even at that time, and ask what time you need to leave and what you’d like to do.
Whether it’s a meal, café, hotel, dessert-hopping, exploring the city, a long drive, karaoke, a movie, or a theme park, I’d think of somewhere we could both enjoy.
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It’s not a dating club, but when meeting through an app, cafés are fairly common for the first meeting. That said, we generally use hotel lounges.
We only choose a café when the woman prefers a daytime meeting or when our schedules only line up during the day. With app dates, there’s no adult relationship on the day you first meet, so we simply use hotel lounges because they’re easier for talking.
As the other respondents have mentioned, it doesn’t seem to happen very often unless the woman specifically wants it. I think it would be best to take Maezawa-san’s advice into consideration.
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I’ve never had anyone suggest a café for a first date before, so maybe it’s not that common…
That said, I have had someone kindly say, “If going straight to a meal feels overwhelming, we can just meet for coffee first.” So there’s a chance he may ask about an adult relationship right away. If you’re not comfortable with that, just decline and make sure you at least receive your transportation money before you leave.
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> Was it reasonable to assume that a first date at a café was standard?
No, that isn’t the norm.
Most men choose a meal.
That said, if the meeting time is around 2–4 p.m., it may sometimes be at a café.
Even if it’s outside normal mealtimes, some men will take you for afternoon tea at a hotel, for example.
Having tea while eating those sweets arranged on a three-tier stand can make a woman feel glad she came on the date. So if the date is scheduled outside mealtimes, I think that kind of consideration is nice.
(Even if she’s dieting, she can mainly just drink the tea.)
Some men who only want intimacy choose a café because even having a meal feels like too much effort.
They may also suddenly start talking about the terms of the arrangement. In that case, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say:
“I’m sorry, but I decline invitations from people who try to invite me somewhere without even talking to me first.”
The club tells both men and women that they have the right to decline.
The difficult part is that if you decide to leave, you have to ask the man, “Would you like to end the date here?”
Men who choose a café from the start may be primarily interested in intimacy and may not value the people-to-people connection that makes dating clubs unique.
(There are exceptions, of course.)
So it may be best to go in prepared to think about how you’ll turn them down. Good luck.
Also, I feel that once a man invites you to an adult relationship (intimate), it’s essentially the same as him ending the meal portion of the date.
However, there are some unreasonable men who say things like, “I’m entitled to four hours,” even though four hours is merely a guideline, not a right. So this can be difficult to navigate.
(I don’t think there’s any point in staying together in an awkward atmosphere after being turned down.)
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We’re both in our 40s.
If it’s not around lunchtime or dinnertime, it’ll be coffee instead.
Usually, it would be lunch or dinner, but… if you want to have a meal, specify 11:30 or noon.
For this time, just accept that he either wanted to cut corners on the date or was simply an inconsiderate man.
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When the woman requests a meeting time that isn’t around mealtime, I usually choose a café.
When I’m talking in a hotel lounge, I often see men and women who appear to be doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I think it’s pretty common.
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