Women who do papa-katsu probably earn several times more than men their age. When you date someone your own age, do you let him pay? I’m a college student dating a recent graduate who has started working full-time. I assume new employees at regular companies earn around ¥200,000 a month. I live alone with no financial support from my family, and between my part-time job, a grant-based scholarship that doesn’t need to be repaid, and papa-katsu, I make ¥500,000–¥700,000 a month. Of course, I haven’t told him that I do papa-katsu, but since he’s older and already working, I do feel like I’d like him to treat me. At the same time, I think that if I were living on ¥200,000 a month, I wouldn’t be able to manage, and I also have income from papa-katsu… So we usually split the bill, with him paying a few hundred yen more—roughly 40–50% each.
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I’m also dating a man in his third year of working full-time. Since he earns ¥6 million a year, he pays for almost everything. Occasionally, I’ll say, “I’ll get this one!” and pay for bills under ¥1,000 at convenience stores or cafés.
These days, many couples split the bill, but I’m used to being treated when I do papa-katsu. For women who earn a lot through papa-katsu, how do you handle dating expenses with someone your own age?
If he were a college student exactly like me and only working part-time, I’d be fine splitting the bill. But when he’s already working full-time, it somehow bothers me. Then again, I also feel like, “I’m the one who brings in more money each month…” What do you all think?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Even when I go out to eat with male friends my age, I’ll offer to pay, but they usually end up treating me. In return, I try to do something small for them, like bringing back a souvenir from a trip, giving them a birthday present, or paying for coffee. Everyone’s different, so I think the best thing is for the two of you to talk about it and find what feels comfortable for both of you.
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So this is what people mean when they say a college student who can’t live on ¥200,000 a month has a warped sense of money.
Although this is really an answer to another question, if you told him, “I earn more than you, so I’ll treat you,” I think he’d appreciate it.
Marika
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Everyone has different ways of thinking, but some people naturally treat their friends to meals. I’ve also heard people say that, although they don’t mention papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), they treat others because they’re better off financially.
> “When we’re both working adults, it leaves me feeling a little uneasy.”
In that case, I think it’s fine to let him pay—if he’s willing to.
As long as things work well between the two of you, any arrangement is fine. What matters is whether he actually wants to treat you.
If splitting the bill is the norm right now, then I think that’s fine too.
For now, I think it’s best to clear up those uncomfortable feelings.
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It probably depends on the man’s personality and the age gap.
I realize my thinking is a bit old-fashioned, but treating someone is partly a form of self-satisfaction for me. Since I started working, I don’t think I’ve ever really had a woman pay when we went on a date—I usually made arrangements so that wouldn’t happen. I also treat younger friends or colleagues I’m fond of, even when they’re men.
When I was a student, though, I either paid a little more or split the bill.
As for things like convenience-store purchases or coffee, as you mentioned, I think I occasionally let the woman pay for those too.
I only continue seeing people who properly show their appreciation and gratitude, so in that respect, ordinary relationships and this kind of relationship are the same.
If the other person doesn’t seem bothered, I don’t think you need to feel uneasy about it. However, as Dai mentioned, your sense of what’s normal may have started to drift a little, so it might be worth being mindful of that.
Personally, I don’t think drifting from the norm is necessarily bad. What matters is being aware that it has happened.
If “normal” means what the majority of people consider normal, then I’m aware that I’m not exactly in line with it either.
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Haha, you’re quite something yourself（笑）
She sounds a lot like my wife.
That said, I feel like it’s the kind of attitude that comes after turning 50 and no longer seeing oneself as a woman（笑）
I don’t think you need to be so pushy about it. If splitting the bill is the norm among the people around you, then splitting it seems perfectly fine too.
For what it’s worth, I didn’t earn as much as I do now when I was younger, but I always paid for the dates（笑）
I think that was simply the custom back then.
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Good morning〜
I feel bad letting someone treat me, so I say, “I’ll pay next time! I mean it!”
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When the guy tries to pay the bill, I put up a little resistance.
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At the register, I think, “I should let him keep his dignity,” and let him treat me.
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Then I say, with all my heart, “Thank you for the meal (*´ڡ`*)”
If he were my boyfriend, I’d occasionally make him a homemade meal at home and pamper him a little.
By the way, my younger sister and I are always arguing over who gets to pay, which is kind of funny.
(She’s very serious and always wants to split the bill, so watching her helps me understand how men feel a little.)
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It’s clear that someone who openly admits to dating two people at once and considers a grant-based scholarship one of their sources of income doesn’t have a very sound sense of judgment.
You’re no different from someone who spends their welfare payments on pachinko.
Someone like that doesn’t need a sensible answer.
So go ahead and stew in your own confusion.
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