About lies told by someone you’re dating through the club
Since we meet through a dating club, I understand that a certain amount of lying or putting things diplomatically is to be expected.
However, whether someone is married or single is personally a major factor in deciding whether to make an offer or continue seeing them.
I prefer to avoid married women, so I’m disappointed when someone falsely claims to be a single mother or unmarried. Given my position, I consider making an offer with potential worst-case scenarios in mind.
I’m not sure whether they think they’ll receive a higher allowance or get more offers, but even taking into account that this is a club, it comes across as dishonest.
Of course, this can only really be confirmed through self-reporting, but what do you think motivates someone to do this?
Also, is this kind of lie generally within an acceptable range?
I don’t feel angry, but I find it difficult to simply move on to the next person without giving it much thought, so I’d appreciate everyone’s opinions.
To be honest, if it’s a harmless, cute lie, I’d rather be fooled.
Thank you in advance.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Universe male member
> When deciding whether to make an offer or continue seeing someone, whether she’s married or single is still a major factor for me personally.
In my case, regardless of whether she’s married or single, my main criterion for continuing the relationship is whether she agrees to date me.
Based on my experience so far, I’ve made offers to women in their mid-30s, early 30s, 20s, and to both married and single women—but ultimately, I continue seeing the ones who agree to it.
There have also been women I thought I might be willing to support, but unfortunately, we ended up parting ways because I couldn’t get their consent to a relationship.
I’m in a situation where I can’t come back looking like my former handsome self unless I’m in a relationship for about three years, so I suppose it can’t be helped.
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You really have to approach this with the mindset of “On to the next one! (lol)” to enjoy this.
It’s not easy to meet someone you genuinely want to see regularly, and even when you do, they may dump you right away. Just don’t worry about it—on to the next one!
If you’re hiding the fact that you’re married from the club, the club wouldn’t know either, would they?
Since you call it dishonest, I’m guessing you’re unmarried. I’m married, so I suppose I’m being dishonest too. I think all you can do is make lots of offers and keep looking for the right woman.
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I think the most effective approach is to state in your profile that you don’t accept offers from married people or single mothers.
Even if they aren’t lying, some people who don’t mention it may still fall into one of those categories.
If they make an offer after that, then they’re definitely lying.
Marika
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Speaking in terms of finding an ideal dating partner:
If the woman is married, she can no longer meet all the terms of the arrangement. Much the same is true of a single mother.
No matter how satisfying a partner may be, as long as there are constraints, it’s impossible for her to fulfill every condition.
What about men, though? Is it better for a man to be single or married? That depends on the woman’s preference.
Some women feel more comfortable with an unmarried man, while others actually feel more at ease with a married man. In either case, is it possible to meet most of the terms?
And regarding what you said:
> Honestly, I’d rather be deceived by a cute little lie.
Then even if you later realize that continuing the relationship won’t be possible, you can still consider it worthwhile that you met her and move on to your next relationship. And if she really is such a wonderful woman, there’s no reason you couldn’t continue some kind of relationship beyond papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
But the most important thing is this:
What matters above all is developing the discernment to find a woman whose personality and compatibility suit you—someone you can genuinely regard as a good partner. If you’re able to choose that kind of woman, you’ll be happy simply to have met her. Those feelings will reach her as well, and in turn, you’ll become the kind of man who can bring out even more of her charm.
If you keep ending up with duds, you’ll lose motivation. So it’s important to develop the eye to spot not just a good match, but an exceptionally great one. Maybe that’s what people call luck.
And when you’re fulfilled by a good relationship, your activities will naturally become more relaxed and comfortable.
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Sorry for the somewhat offbeat answer. I used to keep lying, saying:
“You’re the only person I’m seeing.”
But I got completely exhausted, so since the beginning of this year, I’ve been upfront that I’m always seeing multiple women, and I only date those who are okay with that.
It’s much easier this way. Either way, I’m not bringing out the man in me—I’m simply enjoying being a papa.
That said, I still tell my ace, “You’re the only one”...
I also pass on married women. I once got caught up in a major mess and learned my lesson.
She had hidden the fact that she was married, but I don’t resent her at all.
I learned from Sanji that:
“A papa is someone who forgives a woman’s lies.”
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Universe Club’s profiles don’t state whether someone is married or single, so what exactly do you mean by making a false declaration at the offer stage?
I don’t think it’s right to lie about being married or single after meeting, since that can lead both parties to misjudge the risks involved. As for the psychology or reasons behind lying, it varies from person to person and depending on the circumstances, so I don’t think asking others will get you anywhere.
Everyone has different boundaries when it comes to what they can tolerate. What matters isn’t what other people think, but how you feel about it.
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Since I’m in the position of being chosen as someone to meet, I feel that whether I’m married or single is the bare minimum to disclose.
The same goes for things like tattoos, which they ask about during the interview.
I feel it would be disrespectful to someone who makes time in their schedule and offers a considerable allowance to meet me.
—Akari
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Many male supporters care about that, so personally, I think it’s something you shouldn’t lie about.
There are probably lies that are okay and lies that aren’t, but being married comes with its own risks. I think the best option is to be honest and date someone who’s still comfortable with it.
Alternatively, you could make absolutely sure the male supporter never finds out.
That said, as you mentioned, being honest about it may reduce the number of offers you receive, so I imagine many people struggle with this.
But if you absolutely don’t want to see married men, come to SALON! Women can’t register as married there, so everyone you meet will either be unmarried or formerly married, including single mothers.
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