What’s the best answer when someone asks, “Why did you break up with your previous boyfriend?”
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The real reasons include things like, “Once we started dating, I realized he was harsher than I’d expected, extremely controlling, and would ignore me whenever I tried to talk things through,” but I feel like saying that would leave a bad impression.
I often see people on this forum say that it’s best to keep the reason private, but when men around my age ask me and I keep it private, they press me even more, asking why. So I wanted to ask for advice. If you don’t mind, I’d love to hear everyone’s answers.
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Whether it’s a man my age (not a papa) or a papa, I soften the real reason and add something I’d prefer them not to do.
ーー Examples ーーーーーー
If they had a harsh personality:
→ He was a little too serious—or rather, strict…
I think I’d like to be with someone kinder next time.
If they were extremely possessive:
→ It seemed like he wanted me all to himself…
I’d like to value my friendships and social life, too.
ーーーーーーーーーー
I’ve often heard that when you lie, “half-truth and half-lie” is just about right.（笑）
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I think “I no longer feel the same way about you” is a perfectly good reason to break up with someone.
The specifics depend on the level of trust between you, but personally, I’m not comfortable with people who keep pressing me for detailed explanations.
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If it were me, I’d probably explain it in terms of something I didn’t want that papa to do. For example, “You were way too controlling,” or “You were always complaining about work, and I gradually stopped being able to respect you.”
But since those would genuinely be the reasons, I might just tell him straight. So far, it hasn’t made things awkward.
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It’s just a conversation topic, so I think any reason is fine.
The most awful stories I’ve heard were from someone who was hospitalized after experiencing domestic violence, and someone who became a guarantor, only to be left with a ¥5 million debt when the borrower disappeared.
They paid off the ¥5 million with the allowance I gave them. You really shouldn’t agree to be someone’s guarantor.
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I don’t ask them myself, since there’s no way to know whether what one person says about themselves is accurate. However, people often open up to me about it on their own.
I assume they do so once they feel they can trust me to some extent.
Since people interpret and think about these things differently, I don’t think there’s one definitive answer.
As Paper Airplane said, the question itself can be a bit questionable. Some people may take it as a sign that the relationship isn’t going to develop if the other person asks, while others, as Taro said, may use their answer to judge the person’s character and so on.
If there is a best answer, I think it depends on whether you’re interested in that person and, if so, what kind of person they are.
If you don’t really care about them, you can just give an arbitrary answer. But if you do like them, I think it’s better not to lie.
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I tend to ask fairly often, because I find it interesting.
As far as I can remember, I’ve heard answers like these, roughly in order from the youngest women upward:
“I’ve never really been in a proper relationship.”
“I was cheated on. And the other person was a friend, too…”
“We ended up in a long-distance relationship and drifted apart.”
“Our values didn’t match.”
“Once I got to know him better, I realized he was a terrible guy.”
“I was introduced to him and we started dating, but he was kind of a rock ’n’ roll type.”
“He was in his thirties, but it was his first time dating a woman…”
“He was just way too controlling—using that GPS-related thing and all…”
“He pressured me to get married, but I wasn’t ready for that.”
“We were engaged, but I called it off and moved here from my hometown.”
“He died.”
One reason I ask is that I want to know how someone handles things when a relationship isn’t going well. People who show consideration for their partner leave a good impression, while people who cut someone off without a second thought make me a little wary. I wonder if someone who’s being taken advantage of is okay, and if they say things I can’t understand, I start to think they might be trouble.
That said, I do understand how they feel. If someone asked me, I’d probably think, “What an annoying guy,” too (lol). It’s interesting when you’re the one asking, though. There’s clearly a pretty obvious asymmetry here.
Taro
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“Just say, ‘I’d rather not say.’”
There’s no good guy who asks questions like that. He’s just an insecure weakling (though I’m hardly one to talk...).
If he keeps asking, give him a vague answer and say goodbye.
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