I’m objectively not that cute. Yet for some reason, men I meet for the first time tell me, “You’re beautiful” or “You’re really gorgeous.” I’ve met men through friends, group dates, matchmaking parties, dating apps, mistress clubs, and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I’ve felt that things went well about 80% of the time.
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When I take photos with my beautiful friends, I feel so bad about how unattractive I look that I can barely stand it.
Of course, none of you have actually seen me, so you can’t really say, but why do you think someone like me is popular? Could I just be under the mistaken impression that men like me?
Why do all the men I meet for the first time compliment me, even though I’m not particularly cute?
For the record, women don’t seem to like me very much. I’m aware of that myself.
I think people are just saying “You’re beautiful” as casually as they’d say “Good morning.”
I don’t think it’s quite right to assume you’re popular just because people say that to you. In fact, I don’t get the impression from your post that you’re especially popular at all.
As for whether someone sees themselves as unattractive, as Dai-san said, I think having confidence in yourself—or lacking it—makes a big difference. Also, all the girls I’m currently seeing or have seen in the past are cute and beautiful. But beyond whether they’re confident in themselves, I think it also matters whether the men they’ve dated in the past or are currently dating were good at complimenting them.
Also, I get the impression from this question that you may not be very well-liked by other women, so I think that’s something you should work on. I don’t think the main issue is your appearance.
To me, someone who’s genuinely popular is liked by both men and women, regardless of gender. If anything, I think being well-liked by people of the same gender is a stronger sign.
People who are only popular with one gender are usually just being fawned over because there’s some kind of mutual benefit involved. I suspect that may be the case with you.
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Poor thing—you’re told, “You’re beautiful” and “You look lovely,” yet you don’t even get your transportation covered… Maybe you give off an aura that makes people say those things?!
I doubt anyone would tell someone they’ve just met, “You’re ugly.” Why not be a little more humble?
Reading this question, I get the same impression as with the previous “My friend gets her transportation covered…” post: it sounds like you’re really asking, “Why don’t I get my transportation covered when I’m prettier than my friend?”
Women tend to be sensitive to that kind of thing, so maybe that’s why you don’t have any female friends. You probably think, “Everyone’s jealous of me,” but what comes across in your writing is someone constantly trying to one-up others.
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The men you’re meeting are looking for women to date—or have an adult relationship (intimate)—with, so they’re probably more inclined to compliment you.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say you’re mistaken, but I do think it’s a little early to assume that alone means you’re popular.
That said, the reason you think of yourself as unattractive is that you lack confidence in yourself.
If you can’t help feeling that way, you could get cosmetic surgery to achieve the look you want. But even then, you probably wouldn’t gain real confidence in yourself.
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Marika, you’re such a cool person—not just because of your looks, but in every way.
As for what men find appealing, maybe an idol-like look? Being thin doesn’t automatically make someone beautiful. There are even weirdos who prefer someone heavier, like me.
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If you’re actually getting good feedback and feeling that your efforts are paying off, then I’d say you’re probably popular.
In marketing, one of the most important things is not to overestimate your own instincts. Only a tiny minority of people can create something they personally think is good and have it receive positive public feedback. In most cases, people succeed by identifying what’s valued in ways that differ from their own instincts and then digging deeper into those aspects. Let’s put the Voice of the Customer first.
Being popular with men but not with women is pretty common. Compared with being wildly popular among people with mental health issues or having an unusually strong appeal to gay men, it’s completely ordinary—nothing particularly worth teasing you about.
Taro
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I feel like I’m about 80% of the way there.
But honestly, I’m starting to hate how ugly I am. None of you have actually seen me, so I know you can’t really say, but why am I popular despite looking like this? Maybe I’m just mistakenly thinking I’m popular?
I honestly feel the same way.
So most of the time, I look in the mirror and think, “Man, I’m ugly,” though every now and then I somehow look “handsome” to myself.
I think that’s pretty normal and nothing out of the ordinary.
> Women don’t really like me.
That’s the one difference here—I’m popular with people of the same sex.
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I’m the same way, but I think it’s because I have a sexy aura even though my face is pretty average.
I’ve been like that since high school. There’s no point worrying about it anymore, so just embrace that life.
Oh, but women don’t dislike me that much either. Maybe they don’t get jealous because I’m not beautiful…
Even so, the person asking this question might actually be quite beautiful.
Marika
Oh, maybe women don’t like you because your attitude is different toward men and women—not because of your looks?
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