Can a man who can't even find a girlfriend succeed at papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
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I've been reading this site for a while. I'm a male member in my early 30s.
To be honest, I’ve never really wanted to get married, even at my age, and I’ve never had much success in love. (I have dated several women, and I once lived with someone for over a year.)
I’m currently single, and I joined the club hoping it would be a good experience, but things haven’t gone very well.
Of course, I wasn’t looking to meet someone for a romantic relationship—I wanted to enjoy dates and an adult relationship (intimate)—but even so, things haven’t worked out.
I’m trying to learn from my past failures in love and apply those lessons going forward, but sometimes they end up backfiring instead, and I’m really struggling.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I also feel that papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a little different from a normal romantic relationship.
If you’re going to use a dating club, I think it would be a good idea to find a slightly older woman who will listen to your concerns, guide you, and teach you various things.
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☆Taro, it’s 4:30… Are you still drinking?
Sorry, this is Nana Ayase♡
What do you mean, things aren’t working out for you in your early 30s?
I don’t think marriage has to be the ultimate goal, but if you can’t make a relationship work, you might end up divorced even if you do get married—so maybe it’s better to give up on that idea…
Why not ask the staff to introduce you to an older woman who can give you some dating guidance? Of course, that would include guidance on adult relationships (intimate) too. I feel you might be able to have better relationships after getting yourself back on track that way. Otherwise, you may be looking at a lonely old age.
Also, it seems some men from the club use Tinder and other dating apps, so why not try those as well? First, please get some dating guidance from an older woman.
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People who develop a habit of losing will never win. Just focus on how to win. You don’t need to think about anything else. From what you’ve written, I don’t think you’re doing badly. It sounds like you’re struggling because you want to move up to the next level. Think of this place as a practice ground, not the finish line. If you’re willing to pay, there are as many partners as you want. They may open their legs quickly, but whether they open their hearts is another matter, so take your time experimenting and figuring that part out.
What young people often do is go in trying to show their true selves. Since compatibility matters, that only gives you a limited chance of success. The more of yourself you put out there, the narrower your appeal becomes. Instead, give people what they want. If they want worms, give them worms; if they want frogs, feed them frogs. Then you can catch anything from fish to snakes. That’s simply the law of nature. Once you’ve caught them, you can decide whether they’re a fish you actually want to eat. If you do, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to cook it; if not, release it. As long as you have options, things are extremely simple. The key is figuring out how to put yourself in that position.
Up to a certain level of intimacy, dating clubs are much easier and cheaper than ordinary romance. Don’t be intimidated—go in confidently and take charge.
Sorry, I’m a little drunk.
—Drunk Taro
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Be honest about your lack of experience and ask the woman to show you what a good relationship through Universe can look like. I’d recommend someone close to your age who seems kind.
You can probably guess this from my previous posts, but if you can’t afford the going rate, you’re better off not doing it.
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I’m not sure whether things are actually working out, as I asked myself, but I’ll share my thoughts.
Compared with finding a romantic partner, I think it’s easier to find someone through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Also, unless you look noticeably older than your age, lack a sense of cleanliness, are overweight, or have similar issues, going on dates or having an adult relationship (intimate) is probably easier than finding a romantic partner and doing the same with them.
So I think it would be best to start by analyzing the possible factors.
Alternatively, if your goal is simply to get more experience, rather than making lots of offers through a dating club, you could meet plenty of people through a papa-katsu app or a regular dating app and use it as practice.
Even on a regular dating app, if you put the money you would spend on dating club offers toward meals and such, people will probably appreciate it.
That’s how the single guys around my age spend their time. Whether you’re handsome or not doesn’t really matter.
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If you’ve dated several women and lived with someone for over a year, I’d say you have plenty of experience.
Ultimately, it comes down to what you consider “success.” Try not to overthink it—if you can achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself, that should be enough.
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If you’ve been able to live with someone for a year, you’re probably doing just fine.
What exactly went wrong in your romantic relationships?
Why isn’t your papa-katsu going well?
What keeps backfiring?
If you gave us some specifics, I could offer advice, but it’s too vague to know how to respond.
I wasn’t popular when I was younger either, but I’m enjoying papa-katsu.
As long as you offer money plus the kind of relationship the other person wants, it’s not that difficult…
As some of the other respondents have said, you may be overthinking the romantic side of things and getting the wrong idea.
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> I registered with the club, but things haven’t been going very well.
What exactly isn’t working out?
For example:
- The woman’s relationship type
- Where you met at the time
- The distance from the meeting place to the restaurant, and whether you walked or took a taxi
- The restaurant’s level—roughly how much the two of you spent
- Whether you asked what allowance she wanted
- Whether you offered the amount she requested
And so on.
I think the answer might be different with a little more information.
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If you’re in your early 30s and have previously lived with a partner for over a year, I don’t think it’s that your romantic life has been unsuccessful.
That said, it might be best to stay away from dating clubs. Women who sign up for these services generally assume that the men they meet are married or divorced, so if you’re single, they may avoid you because they worry they’ll end up developing serious feelings.
In fact, my papa (a male supporter) apparently once took off his wedding ring and was mistaken for a single man, and the woman he approached was completely put off.
So if you’re single, I feel you’d have a better chance of meeting someone through a regular dating app or a matchmaking service.
That said, considering your age, the fact that you’re thinking of joining a dating club because you want a romantic relationship is itself a little misguided. The person asking this question may have communication issues in their everyday life… I know this sounds harsh, but no matter where you go, romance won’t work out if you struggle socially.
So I think all you can do is lower your expectations and steadily work on improving your communication skills. Good luck.
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It varies from woman to woman, but in most cases, I think what they want from a romantic partner differs from what they want from someone in an allowance-based arrangement.
If anything, perhaps things don’t work out because you treat your allowance-based partner the way you would a girlfriend.
Incidentally, I also think dating and marriage are two different things. Seeing someone in their thirties still idealistically equate the two is interesting from an outsider’s perspective, but as a dating partner, it might feel a little burdensome.
As an aside, even when it comes to romance, I think what women want differs from person to person.
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I don’t think you’ll enjoy this kind of relationship unless you’re a man who’s naturally popular with women.
Anyone can easily enjoy dates or an adult relationship (intimate). That’s what these clubs are for—and money is involved, after all.
Given your age, I think you’d be better off enjoying more ordinary encounters and romance. There’s no need to deliberately step into a world where money is involved. papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and romantic relationships are two different things, so I think it’s more valuable for you to gain plenty of experience in the pure, ordinary world of romance, where even failure can be enjoyable.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), as the name suggests, the ideal papa (a male supporter) is a man old enough to be your father—experienced, financially comfortable, calm, and composed. At your age, while you’re still growing not only as a man but also economically, through experience, and emotionally, there’s no way you can compete with them.
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I don’t have that much romantic experience myself, and I’m not currently dating anyone. I signed up because I wanted to experience something I never had before.
I think dating and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are different, so I don’t think the fact that you’ve never been married or don’t currently have a girlfriend is directly related to whether an arrangement will work out.
That said, you may not be used to dealing with women.
It’s hard to say without knowing exactly what isn’t working. Maybe you can’t bring up an adult relationship (intimate), the conversation doesn’t flow, you’re choosing the wrong women in the first place, or the allowance is the issue…
You wrote that you’re a man in your early 30s, but you selected the Universe female member section, and it also looks like you didn’t select an age range. I couldn’t help imagining that you might be a bit careless and not very organized when it comes to checking things. Maybe you’re not very considerate toward women, either?
Why not try reaching out to an older woman who might find you adorably clumsy and naturally charming?
Dating and papa-katsu are different, so I don’t think you can apply failures from romantic relationships to papa-katsu. Women aren’t looking for something as emotionally demanding as romance.
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Early 30s? That’s great! You’re quite young among the male members ❀.(*´▽`*)❀.
Why not choose a woman who seems familiar with dating clubs—someone who can pick up on what a man is trying to say, subtly take the lead when needed, and still make him feel respected? (*'▽'*)♪
It seems to depend on the class you’re registered with, but I believe there was a service where you could consult the branch office, as some of the other male members do.
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