I didn’t feel much of a connection at our first meeting, so I initially thought it would be a one-time thing. But it seems she liked me, and after she invited me to meet again some time later, our relationship developed into an adult relationship (intimate) after we met a few more times.
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At first, I wasn’t particularly interested, but the longer we’ve been seeing each other, the more I can’t stop thinking about her.
I’m starting to wonder if I should take a step back on my own or end things, since I feel I might cause her trouble if I get seriously involved. However, she wants a long-term relationship, so I still can’t bring myself to go that far.
What would you do if you felt you were in danger of falling seriously for someone? I think seeing multiple people would be the best option, but that would be difficult because of time constraints and the increased risk of my family finding out. Is there anything else I could do?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe male member
What does it mean to be serious?
I’m not mocking you—I’m genuinely asking myself that.
For example, if you’re married and put your partner first, acting without giving any thought to your family, would that qualify as being serious?
Personally, I don’t think there’s any need to worry about “being serious” before you actually get to that point.
Since this is a relationship through a dating club, why not prepare your allowance, go with the flow, and enjoy yourself? After that, I also think it might be good to start something new.
Joe started an education business and oyster farming (lol). It’s been a real ordeal, but he has so much to do that he doesn’t have time to get serious about anyone. It’s at least a little fun, though.
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We’re both serious about our relationships through the dating club, so we never end up in the kind of situation you’re describing.
One thing does concern me, though: in the first place, I think it’s better not to pursue a relationship that you already intend to be a one-time thing.
When making an offer, perhaps you should be more careful and only do so once you’re in a position where you’d be open to anything—including a long-term relationship.
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I guess your options are either to find another woman to date or keep your feelings hidden.
You’re worried your family might find out about dating multiple women, but if you genuinely fall for her, they’ll probably find out eventually anyway "(∩>ω<∩)"
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
My papa (a male supporter) says similar things. At first, he was seeing multiple girls, but gradually I became the only one. Now he grumbles, “This isn’t how it was supposed to go,” “I’m having a hard time being wrapped around your finger,” and “I guess this is the end of the line for me.”
Whenever he says that, I reply, “What exactly is so hard about it?” And I genuinely mean it. There’s nothing painful about it at all—you look incredibly happy.
Isn’t it more exciting when you find someone you like enough to become serious about?
If you really don’t want to get serious, just reduce how often you meet and make it an occasional treat. Or, as I mentioned in my answer to Early’s question earlier, set the allowance at an unusually high amount.
Also, be extremely careful not to let your wife find out.
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The whole point of a club is to enjoy the relationship.
Treat it as a dating club, don’t get too serious, and enjoy the relationship.
Just make sure you keep yourself in check.
By the way, how old are you?
If you’re still around 40 or younger, you could leave the club for now and join again ten years from now.
It’s okay to get serious, but remember, it’s not a romance club.
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Reducing how often I meet them, cutting back on how often I contact them, and seeing multiple people at once have all worked for me to some extent—I tried them in that order.
But even when I’m seeing multiple people, I end up liking all of them, so that’s becoming less effective.
Also, partly because she’s a good person, but even more because of my desire to show off, raising the base allowance might be acting as a brake for me.
I feel that as long as I pay the allowance properly, it shouldn’t be a burden or inconvenience for the other person.
That said, something I read in response to my previous question made me wonder if that might not actually be the case.
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I think you should reconsider the type of arrangement you’re looking for.
If becoming serious causes you to turn into a stalker, an adult entertainment service may suit you better than a dating club.
A dating club is a place for mature encounters where, even if you develop genuine feelings, you don’t cause the other person any trouble—you’re able to maintain a clear boundary.
It’s not about deciding what to do; rather, even while dating someone, you need to make sure you don’t cross that line.
That’s the kind of place I believe it is.
Of course, if you’re both genuinely serious about each other, I think marriage could be an option too.
> I was hoping there might be something else.
The allowance is meant to help create a comfortable arrangement for both people. If you feel like you’re becoming too emotionally close, increasing the allowance may be effective.
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From a man’s perspective, I can see why multiple relationships might seem best, as you said. But from a woman’s perspective, it would feel a little sad to break things off preemptively just when you’ve finally developed mutual feelings…
If he’s also hoping for a long-term relationship, why not tell him how you feel now—that you’re worried about becoming serious and causing him trouble—and talk it through, with the intention of continuing the relationship?
Personally, I think I’d be happy if my papa (a male supporter) said that to me♡
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I don’t want to end up in the same situation as you, so I see multiple women on a pay-per-meeting basis, once a month, with an allowance of 50,000 yen each time.
We don’t communicate much normally, but whenever we meet, things still feel fresh and we have a great time. And when it’s time to say goodbye, there’s no messy fallout.
I feel that frequently messaging each other when we’re not meeting only increases the risk of being found out by one’s family.
This may not be the best answer to your question, but I think the best option is to reduce how often you see her and start seeing another woman as well.
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