I met a woman for the first time and gave her an allowance, but she told me she doesn’t need one from the second meeting onward.
Actually, when we met for the first time, I told her that I felt something almost fated between us and that I might fall for her.
In this situation, is it possible that we could start dating if we continue seeing each other?
It’s up to the two people involved to decide what to do about the allowance, but be careful about deciding things like “no allowance is fine” or “I’m okay with dating him,” lol.
There are three main reasons people lose at any kind of competition—in other words, the things losers have in common:
- Lack of information: judging solely based on “he doesn’t want an allowance”
- Overconfidence: believing, “I can ride this momentum to victory!”
- Assumptions: convincing yourself it’s “fate”
Don’t all three apply to your current situation?
I’m getting a very dangerous vibe.
Intuition is important, but take a moment to calm down, lol.
It’s me.
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I’m the type to dive into the deep end of a messy situation, so I’d say go for it.
But there are also cases where someone says, “I don’t need any money,” while meaning, “I do need money, so I’ll be intimate with someone else, but I like you, so I’ll do it with you for free.” At that point, the whole thing starts feeling a lot more like being a kept man, though（笑）. Whether or not you open that Pandora’s box, if you think you could genuinely fall for her, you might as well go all in. It could also be a great opportunity to learn firsthand that “nothing is more expensive than free.”
If things turn into an inescapable mess, I suggest posting on this Q&A site and on the advice column run by Chizuko Ueno. And if Professor Ueno answers you, I’d appreciate it if you could let us know here as well.
I apologize for imposing on you while you’re busy, and thank you in advance for your consideration.
Taro
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As the relationship continues, some women may say that they feel uncomfortable or unhappy continuing to receive an allowance.
Assuming he’s married, if he has no intention of getting divorced, then since he presumably has some financial leeway through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think continuing with an allowance is better for both sides—it helps maintain a clear boundary.
It may simply be that, within a dating-club relationship, the word “allowance” starts to feel uncomfortable. I began calling it spending money or living expenses when I gave it to her, and she eventually settled down about it.
I’ve never agreed to continue without an allowance, so I can’t say what would happen in that situation. But you’re not the only person who’s been told this, so I wouldn’t take it too seriously. I think it’s better to continue the relationship as a dating-club arrangement.
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If she’s even starting to take you seriously… are you married?
If so, I think you should definitely give her an allowance.
You need to draw a clear line with the allowance, or she may end up becoming a stalker.
If you’re unmarried, are you prepared to make her your lifelong partner?
Paying an allowance means exactly that.
If this feels dangerous, it’s better not to get involved carelessly.
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I’m incredibly jealous.
No, no—it’s honestly terrifying…
That said, whether it’s a dating club, the adult entertainment industry, a men’s esthetic salon, or a cabaret lounge, there’s always a small chance of meeting someone anywhere. Some people even end up getting married or building a lifelong relationship.
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If you’re considering marrying him, I think it would be fine to date him without an allowance.
What happens from here depends on how compatible the two of you are.
However, if you’re not thinking that far ahead, you should explain that clearly and continue giving him the allowance until you genuinely feel ready.
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If you’re single, I think a relationship without money involved would be fine. But if you’re married, it’s better for both of you to give her at least a little money and maintain some boundaries.
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If he says, “Even if we see each other more often, we can’t be in a relationship,” would you end things with him?
That’s something you should be able to figure out for yourself.
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I think that’s something only you and the person involved can truly know.
You’re both still quite young, so it might be worth considering.
Wishing you happiness.
Akari
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