I’m feeling overwhelmed! I’m also a little unsure about the allowance, so I’d like to ask along with the original poster.

I’m Taro, here for the night shift. It feels like this question has already been thoroughly answered and the discussion is basically over, but I have nothing else to do, so I’ll weigh in. If you have a specific allowance amount in mind, I think you should just say it. Even if the other person takes offense, doesn’t that simply mean your terms don’t match? At least if someone names an amount and I think, “Well, that sounds about right,” I don’t get upset. There definitely are women who make you think, “You’re asking for that much with your profile?” Quite a lot, actually. But isn’t that, in a way, what makes them inexperienced? It’s the result of their own research and pride, so I don’t get angry. I do think, “Oh, boy…” though. To keep things going, you have no choice but to say yes, but once you agree, that becomes the deal. And those women, in particular, tend to be underwhelming when it comes to intimacy. Then, from the man’s perspective, there’s no reason to continue, but since you can’t exactly bring that up, you have no choice but to let them go. I do think that, statistically speaking, seeing more people helps you figure out what a reasonable range is for you. Put another way, I don’t think there’s any better strategy than that. If you’re not overly particular, it’s probably best to stay flexible and keep your options open until your experience gives you a sense of the going rate for you. You get to know the other person better, and it also helps with your finances in the meantime. You could say, “I’ll leave it up to you,” or name your preferred amount while adding something like, “I understand the man may have his own feelings and circumstances,” leaving some room for discussion… If you don’t want to increase your number of partners, set your own standards. Who cares what someone thinks if your terms don’t match? But if you’re going to leave some flexibility, you’re not a naive girl in her twenties—can’t you make use of your communication skills? Trying to force a clear yes-or-no outcome through negotiation is a poor strategy. More broadly, isn’t a dating club a gray area that people who want everything clearly defined simply won’t understand? You could even think of it as a place to develop your ability to handle ambiguity, let things slide, and carry things over for later.

>Do you ever secretly think, “Wow, how could someone with his specs offer that much?” I haven’t met that many women through Universe, so I’ve never received an especially high offer. But if that ever happened, I’d be excited to hear them out and ask lots of questions because I’d want to know, “There must be a reason for such a generous offer—what is it?!” If the conversation were boring, I might think, “Seriously?!” lol. Still, since it would be a valuable connection, I’d probably meet them at least twice. I can’t help feeling a little uncomfortable with the word “specs.” The qualities men look for in women vary from person to person. I’m also of the opinion that financial circumstances on both sides have a greater influence on the allowance than someone’s specs do. So, to me, specs and the allowance amount aren’t really linked. When it comes to women I like and choose to date, it feels less like “choosing” and more like “deciding.” Everyone has a desire to compare themselves with others, but when comparing becomes a habit, you start paying attention to other people’s standards and specs. Then your own judgment gets thrown off, and you can lose sight of who you really are—which scares me. So when I think, “This is the person,” I choose to honestly trust that intuition. Then the things that truly matter become clear, and even if I don’t make the right choice, I can take responsibility for it myself. No matter what Awawa-san’s specs are, what amount she offers a man, or what amount a man offers her, her value as a person is 100% and will never change. So when it comes to the allowance, I think it’s best to consider your own financial situation, have confidence in the value you can provide, and decide on an amount in advance. Then let the man make the offer. If there’s a gap between his offer and the amount you had in mind, you can either turn him down based on your intuition about him or allow some room for adjustment. If you do that, the men who aren’t right for Awawa-san will naturally disappear, and the men who recognize her value 100% will remain. Maybe that’s a little too idealistic, though lol. It’s just one way of looking at things. I’m sure there are many different opinions and values when it comes to allowances and specs, so I can understand why you’re worried. As you said, after meeting more people and experiencing both successful and unsuccessful situations, you may eventually develop a feel for things. Good Luck and Enjoy ;D It’s me,

Same here—I’ve never brought it up myself. I’ve just gone by the amount the papa offered: if I felt it wasn’t enough, I wouldn’t see him again, and if I felt grateful for it, I’d continue seeing him. So there have been times when I spent an entire day on a date—with no hotel—and received only ¥10,000. There was also a time when I spent the whole day on a date with no hotel and received ¥90,000. He was getting pretty irritated when he said, “Since there’s no adult relationship, this is all I can give you as an allowance.” ※I’m a B, so I feel like I go on quite a lot of dates without an adult relationship. If you find a papa you click with, I think the allowance he offers will naturally become your personal standard.

I always state my terms upfront, so I’ve never really thought about it that way. Also, no one has ever turned me down over the amount I offered. This is just speculation, but I don’t think it’s something to negotiate. Rather than wondering whether it was because of my looks or other attributes, I’d assume our values didn’t align and move on to the next person.

I’ve been offered both 30,000 and 100,000 yen before. Since it depends on each man’s personal values, there’s no fixed amount I can say. But since Kazu and Mac say 50,000 yen, I think 50,000 should be fine.

There was a post in the Q&A section before about a woman asking what amount a man had in mind. He replied, “I’ll leave it up to you,” so she named an amount—but then he turned her down. In Japanese, it sounds strange to reject someone after telling them to decide. But men tend to dislike whatever amount the woman suggests, one way or another. They simply don’t want to pay more than the amount they had in mind, without any particularly solid reason. That’s just how they are. So I think the safest approach is to ask, “I’ll leave it up to you. How much would you be able to offer?” and turn him down if the amount is too low. Whether the Japanese is technically odd or not is beside the point. It’s not much different from asking what amount she wants and then complaining that it’s too high. A man might say he was only asking what she wanted, but when a woman says, “I’ll leave it up to you,” she’s essentially asking what he wants to pay—it’s just phrased differently because it’s awkward to ask directly. It’s like how the meaning of “yabai” has changed between 20 years ago and today. So “I’ll leave it up to you. (How much would you offer?)” is probably the safest wording. The next best option would be, “How much would you be able to offer?” since that isn’t unnatural Japanese either. Of course, once you have a few papa (male supporters), there’s no need to see anyone who doesn’t meet your desired amount. So something like, “I’m looking for 100,000 yen or more, but if that’s difficult, I’ll pass,” could work too. The “I’ll pass” part is actually a bit of a trap: it can mean both “I’ll leave if it’s under 100,000 yen” and “Feel free to make an offer even if it’s less than that.” That said, this approach has very little actual benefit, so I’d only use it as a way to playfully gauge the man’s mindset. (You can also see how he interprets it.)

If a woman can state her desired allowance outright, I feel she’s at least beyond the level of an amateur. It gives me the impression that she might be a papa-katsu professional—or perhaps even beyond the world of compensated dating. Whether you’re a woman or a man, if you want to benefit from an allowance, I think being upfront is the cleaner approach. However, many men seek club dating rather than the sex industry because they don’t want the allowance to be the main focus. As mentioned in the earlier question, many men participate in club dating because ordinary, allowance-free encounters and dates feel difficult. So when a woman gives a clear answer about her allowance, it can make her seem less like an amateur and often leaves them disappointed. Also, I honestly think you can’t know what amount you want until you’ve had an adult relationship with someone. You have to spend the night together first… I think a woman only starts feeling that she’s glad they met, wants to see him again—or wants to see him soon and often—after they’ve confirmed their adult compatibility.

I wouldn’t call it “based on her specs,” but honestly, there have been two occasions when I was asked for ¥100,000 and thought that. Of course, I try not to let it show in my words or attitude.

I don’t have enough experience to answer based on a broad range of experiences or intuition, but… I can’t ask men directly either. I’d prefer the man to bring it up himself. I think it comes down to whether I’m willing to accept the amount he offers. That said, I feel like the first amount I received has become my benchmark, so I’d consider how to proceed with my current partner while keeping that in mind. Even if the amount is lower than that, I’d be happy to continue seeing him if what I gain from the relationship is substantial. Otherwise, I’d decline.

If I were a woman, I’d probably see a guy at least once as long as the allowance wasn’t extremely low. That’s because there are men who are good in bed or handsome even if they offer a low allowance. Personally, I wouldn’t want to see a man who’s bad in bed, causes pain, or is unhygienic, no matter how generous the allowance was. After seeing a few men, I’d start cutting out the ones who offered a low allowance and weren’t particularly good in bed or handsome. I think that would help me develop my own standards to some extent. P.S. Sometimes I do think, “How did someone with these specs have the nerve to offer that amount?” But that’s only when they ask for more than 6. I always negotiate at 5, so for me to accept an offer of 6 or more, there has to be some extra quality that women offering 5 don’t have. So far, there’s only been one man I thought might be worth paying 6 or more for.

Sorry, my original post didn’t really include a question, so here goes (>_<) ・For female members: Will I eventually figure out, through trial and error, what a reasonable allowance is for me? ・For male members: Do you ever secretly think, “How could someone with her specs have the nerve to ask for this amount?” I’m sorry if these questions are rude m(_ _)m [Thank-you message] To everyone who answered: Thank you all so much. I had been approaching this from the wrong angle. Through everyone’s answers, I came to understand that I only thought I understood things, that it’s better to let the man guide me, and that suddenly naming a large amount based on my “specs” isn’t the right approach. I’m so anxious that I’ve been trembling and unable to sleep. I’ve been trying to calm myself by shoving frozen asparagus into my mouth and melting it with hot milk, but so far it hasn’t helped. I’d really like to sleep sometime today… To everyone reading this question: Sorry for causing such a fuss! I’m usually an answerer myself, but when it comes to my own situation, I suddenly lose all perspective. I’m still a beginner, but I’ll continue giving sincere answers whenever I can. Thank you for your continued support! [Replies] Dai: Thank you! That was really easy to understand. There’s no way I could say 60,000 or 80,000 yen! So there are people who would still want to meet for 10,000 yen, right? Dating clubs really are deep and fascinating places to meet people. Rin: Thank you! My first papa was a true gentleman, so I can’t help comparing everyone to him (crying). I wanted him to name the amount himself, but I’ll do my best to enjoy tomorrow (>_<) Eek! Kazu: So it’s the amount, not the specs, that makes you think that? Thank you! That’s a relief! I went with one step below 50,000 yen (>_<) There’s no way I could ever say 100,000 yen, even if the world turned upside down‼️ Paper Airplane: Exactly! As an amateur, I never know what the right answer is—or even if there is a right answer. Thank you! If he asks, “What are your wishes?” I’ll try saying, “I’d like to hear what you have in mind, [name] ♡” (I wonder if that’s right…?) Mr. Maezawa: Thank you! Your explanation of the Japanese nuance was very clear and easy to understand. So even when a man asks, “What do you want?” the proper etiquette between men and women is to reply, “I’ll leave it up to you,” or “How much were you thinking?” I had been doing it wrong! I was panicking and thinking, “If he asks, I have to tell him!!” (>_<) Nana: Thank you! I hadn’t realized that men have their own values about this too! Everyone told me that women shouldn’t name the amount first, so I was the one who had it wrong (>_<) I’ll try it next time! I love you, Nana! Early: So the man really is supposed to bring it up first. Thank you! He even said, “Wait, I’m supposed to name the amount?” so maybe we’re both beginners! Even arranging where to meet felt like neither of us was used to it… If you happen to see an inexperienced man and woman walking around tomorrow, please laugh quietly to yourselves while we panic ☆ Aya: Thank you! So I really shouldn’t bring it up myself… I still have a long way to go if I automatically think, “If he asks, I have to answer!” (>_<) Even though I’m an answerer too, when it comes to myself, I suddenly have no idea what to do. I hope that one day I’ll naturally develop a sense for the usual standards! It’s Me: Thank you! You explained everything so gently and thoroughly that it was very easy to understand. I didn’t really want to use the word “specs” either, but I couldn’t think of a better expression… Still, I think I’ll generally ask the man what he has in mind. I had been worrying because it all seemed so difficult. Taro: Thank you! I’m the type who would rather cherish one person than meet lots of people (crying). I’ve only just started, so I don’t yet have the confidence to state my terms clearly… So papa-katsu is about building up your own repertoire and enjoying the gray areas, isn’t it? I’m still a beginner for wanting everything to be clearly black or white.