I’m in my 30s and asked here two days ago about being cut off over something minor.
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Since then, I’ve been reflecting on things and thinking about what I did wrong.
I think the problem was that when I felt the other person didn’t have any affection for me, I tended to lose interest, or rather, I found myself seeking affection from the woman. Maybe that created a gap between our feelings.
I think she was only meeting me in a businesslike manner because I gave her an allowance.
I could somehow sense that from her attitude.
I’m still new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but is it wrong to want even simulated romantic feelings in papa-katsu?
Should I just take the attitude that, as long as I’m giving her an allowance, I shouldn’t expect any affection from her and should put up with it?
I had thought this would be something I could enjoy more, so I’ve been reflecting on that.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Universe male member
Even though they don’t actually like you, do you want them to have romantic feelings for you?
I’ve never once assumed that a woman I’m friendly with has romantic feelings for me.
How is “pretend romance” any different from saying, “She doesn’t have feelings for you, but I’m giving you an allowance, so please put up with it”?
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a pseudo-romantic relationship. However, you simply won’t be a good match for women who find those feelings too intense, so you’ll need to meet someone who can genuinely like you in return.
Become a wonderful papa (a male supporter) who is respected as a man.
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I only date papas (male supporters) I genuinely like and can give my affection to.
With my main papa, I think we can honestly say that we truly love each other. With my other papas, even if we don’t feel quite that strongly, I still enjoy spending time with them and like them.
People may assume that younger women tend to have weaker feelings and prioritize money, so it might be difficult for you to find someone who wants an emotional connection—especially if you’re looking for someone younger, attractive, and popular.
Still, if you make offers and meet several people, I’m sure you’ll eventually find someone you really click with.
I hope you find each other!
—Marika
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You need to treat her as if she were your girlfriend or wife and cherish her.
Only after doing that consistently for years can you receive the affection that comes with a pseudo-romantic relationship.
A man more than ten years older is just an old man, after all.
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I don’t have much experience myself, but even if it doesn’t go as far as a pseudo-romantic relationship, I do like the men as people, with a sense of respect for them.
I believe the allowance is there because they may have families or other circumstances, and to keep things from becoming too serious or either person getting too emotionally invested.
Even if it’s not quite pseudo-romance, I think there are people who feel respected and genuinely liked by their partner.
“I’m giving you an allowance, so you should just put up with it” is not okay. That attitude is exactly what women will dislike. Women aren’t objects.
Since you’ve reflected on what happened, perhaps next time you could look for someone you’re more compatible with.
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>> Is it wrong to want romantic feelings in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), even if the relationship is only pretend?
Personally, I think it’s better not to overthink it.
While you’re on a date, just focus on liking the woman in front of you and enjoying every single second you spend together. Even if it’s only pretend, the moment either of you starts thinking or talking about that, the mood will go cold for both of you, lol.
Even if you feel like she doesn’t have any feelings for you, getting discouraged or expecting too much from her won’t get you anywhere.
Make an effort to find out where she’d like to go, what she’d like to eat, and what she enjoys, then reflect that in your dates. She’ll notice that you’re trying to make her happy.
Even if you don’t get everything exactly right, what matters is making her think, “This papa (a male supporter) really looked into all this for me.” I think there’s a chance her feelings toward you will gradually improve.
—It’s Me
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Even if it’s only an illusion, I do have romantic feelings, and I believe I’m looking for a relationship with genuine emotion.
Also, to begin with, I only call it an “allowance.” If I genuinely like someone, I believe it’s perfectly normal to support her financially as well, so I don’t take the attitude of, “I’m giving you an allowance, so just put up with it.”
I’ve provided financial support to my former girlfriends and my wife out of the same feelings.
That’s why I can’t understand the idea you mentioned, Awawa-san—that having romantic feelings means there should be no allowance.
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With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), if you had met somewhere else, you might still enjoy going on the same kind of dates without an allowance.
That’s the mindset you need to have: make the date enjoyable for the other person.
Just because you’re giving her an allowance, it’s still nothing more than an extension of the sex trade or a business transaction…
From a woman’s perspective, of course she’ll meet you because there’s an allowance involved. But papa-katsu only truly comes alive when you’re meeting someone you’d want to see even without one.
It’s up to the man to create that atmosphere. And it’s also important to feel grateful for all the women in the world who make you want to act that way, make you want to see them, and give you a reason to want to meet them.
The reason men can be this happy and carefree is simply because women exist and continue to be so attractive.
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You should reflect on this deeply.
I’m an old man myself, so I’m always bowing and scraping to women.
I’m sure you understand that the way a man takes the lead can influence how a woman changes.
> Is it wrong to seek romantic feelings in papa-katsu, even if they’re only pretend?
Even in a dating club, the basics are still just a man and a woman. Rather than calling it romantic feelings, I think it needs to feel good for both of you; otherwise, it’ll end up being just a one-time thing.
Best of luck!
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The moment you described it as something trivial, I felt that things were going to be difficult.
I don’t think papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) works well when the demands or desires of only one person become too strong.
After all, a relationship involves two people.
Akari
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Hmm… even if it starts out as an allowance-only relationship, spending a long time together naturally creates shared memories and emotional attachment, so I don’t think it would stay that detached…
I’m probably in the minority in hoping for romance, but I’ve decided that I’ll never force those feelings on my partner (>_<)
Good night~
P.S.
Oh, and I think it’s fine as long as you’re confident you won’t tell a girl, “Since we have feelings for each other, you don’t need an allowance, right?” Check out the column for details! (lol)
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