Could it be that my appearance is only good enough to date men at the level of the papas I see? I can’t get a boyfriend at all. My papas compliment my looks and ask, “You must be really popular at university, right?” But I’m not. Still, I was ranked Platinum at the club, so I don’t think I’m unattractive.
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The papas aren’t unattractive, but they’re in their 170s cm and not handsome at all—just average-looking. When I think about whether things would have developed into a romantic relationship if they were younger, the answer is no because they aren’t my type.
My type is someone aged 22–29, at least 180 cm tall, with a handsome face, not overweight, and in steady employment. There aren’t many men at this level, but they do exist, and I can become friends-with-benefits with them. However, I can never become their serious partner. When I suggest dating, they dodge the question or say things like, “I don’t want a girlfriend.”
Does this mean it’s difficult for someone with my looks to date a tall, handsome guy?
Am I really only capable of dating men who look like my papas?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
> They’ll become friends with benefits.
If they’re willing to be friends with benefits but not make you their serious partner, I think there may be an issue with your personality or inner qualities.
You need to work more on yourself and develop something that makes them want to spend more time with you.
You could also try aiming to move up from friends with benefits to a serious relationship.
> When I ask if they want to date me, they give me a vague answer or dodge the question.
If you’re already saying things like that, I feel you may not be attractive enough to them.
You should think about what would make them be the one to ask you out.
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The moment you say, “With my looks…” I doubt attractive men would be interested in you.
Good-looking men can also choose attractive women, so unless you have something extra to offer, I don’t think they’d want you as a girlfriend. You’d probably just end up as a convenient friends-with-benefits arrangement.
Also, you mentioned that your papa tells you you’re cute over and over, but as men get older, their standards for young women’s looks tend to become more lenient. There are women I wouldn’t have thought were that cute if they were my age, but now that I’m older, I find myself thinking, “She’s pretty cute.” Am I the only one?
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Um… and I don’t mean to be rude, but could it be your appearance makes you look a little flashy or flirtatious?
Maybe you look like someone who’d be easy to sleep with right away…?
Bold makeup is trendy, but why not try a more understated look, including your makeup, hair color, and clothes? And is your behavior a little rough or careless too?
I’m worried that if you keep this up, you’ll end up marrying some pathetic guy and have a hard life. The women wealthy men choose as wives tend to be the kind who don’t pry into everything, aren’t a nuisance, don’t try to steal the spotlight, and aren’t embarrassing to be seen with. Maybe you should aim to become that kind of woman.
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If you’ve managed to become friends-with-benefits with a tall, handsome guy, then you’re attractive enough.
Unfortunately, though, it also means he doesn’t find you appealing enough to pursue a relationship with you beyond sex.
And if you have a friends-with-benefits arrangement, that suggests you’re willing to sleep with someone fairly easily, doesn’t it?
Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) can sometimes feel like intimacy is expected, but when it comes to romance, I think it would be better to value the process of properly getting into a relationship first.
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Some possible reasons you tend to end up as a friends-with-benefits situation might be:
- You give off a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) vibe, which may put men your age off.
- You’re lacking a little in openness or charm, so they may feel you wouldn’t be very emotionally comforting in a relationship.
- You may come across as not very bright. One benefit of seriously dating someone as a girlfriend is that you can respect each other as people and grow together.
- Even if your papa-katsu isn’t discovered, you may be giving off the impression that you probably have other friends with benefits.
- You sleep with them too quickly. Guys your age generally don’t see women who are easy to sleep with as someone they want to seriously date. It can be different with much older men, though.
Those are a few possibilities. Take a moment to reflect on yourself once again.
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According to the census, there are 5.16 million Japanese men aged 22–29.
Of those, 6.4% are at least 180 cm tall—about the same proportion as those earning 10 million yen or more annually.
Around 33% of Japanese men are obese, which means 67% aren’t.
Japan’s unemployment rate is just under 3%. Among men aged 15–64, 34.4 million are regular employees and 6.52 million are non-regular employees, so if we define a decent job as being a permanent position, that’s roughly 81%.
“Good-looking” is subjective and difficult to quantify, but let’s roughly estimate it at 10%. Incidentally, about 10% of people are left-handed, and 5% are reportedly gay.
That leaves approximately 18,000 candidates nationwide. If you live in the Tokyo metropolitan area—Tokyo and the three surrounding prefectures, where 30% of the population is concentrated—that would be around 6,000 in the same region.
That’s quite a reduction, but even so, 6,000 people is still a lot. If they all gathered together, they’d fill about half of Nippon Budokan or Ryogoku Kokugikan.
From what I hear, you’re getting a fair number of matches, so if you make an effort with around 100 people, you’ll probably find a keeper.
From the men’s perspective, if you date 100 women, you’re bound to meet a few who are unforgettable.
Taro
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As you already recognize, you’re targeting a very small pool, so it’s understandable that you’re having a hard time finding someone.
It’s probably not so much your appearance as the lack of other qualities that would attract those women.
Keep at it.
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If anything, unattractive men tend to be particular about wanting beautiful women, while unattractive women tend to seek handsome, good-looking men.
I don’t think that necessarily applies to you, but I do wonder whether being so particular about looks is really a good idea…
Also, once a man reaches 30, the qualities that make him attractive change quite a bit, so I think women’s priorities in what they look for in men also shift away from appearance.
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