I don’t want to share too much personal information from the first meeting. I’d rather open up gradually as we get to know each other—does that mean I’m not suited for a dating club?
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So far, everyone I’ve met has said, “I told you my real name, so you should tell me yours too,” so I’ve been giving them a fake name. Honestly, I don’t want to tell them my real name.
They’ve also asked about my nearest station, the name of my company, and my family members’ occupations. When I seem reluctant to answer, they ask, “Why won’t you tell me?” It scares me.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Everyone asks for your real name?!
How many people is “everyone”?
Fuu doesn’t ask, though.
Try to dodge the questions smoothly.
Real name → Give only your first name
Nearest station → Just tell them the general area
Company name → Say only the industry and what you do (such as office work)
Family’s occupations → Just mention the industry
Be careful not to reveal enough information to identify you.
If a papa (a male supporter) gets upset over that, end things and wait for offers from papas who don’t pry.
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It’s strange that the question is phrased as, “Am I not cut out for this?” rather than, “What should I do?”
If you’re wondering whether you’re suited for it, I think that probably means you aren’t.
But if you’re asking what to do when someone says, “Why won’t you tell me?” then I think you could simply reply:
“I’ll tell you once we get to know each other better. 😊”
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I don’t think it’s possible to tell yet whether this suits you or not. However, in your case, I get the feeling that you wouldn’t be able to build rapport from the very first meeting, so maybe this isn’t for you.
I think the way you approach people and manage the distance between you is important. That said, it is possible to become friendly and close the gap from the first meeting, and when you do, the other person will naturally start telling you various things.
I think this applies not only to relationships through an introduction club, but to relationships in general—including work.
That said, if you think people will teach you things just because you ask, without paying any attention to personal boundaries, you’re seriously deluded.
If everything were that easy, anything would be a piece of cake.
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You’re just not cut out for this.
The other person is a reflection of yourself.
If you truly trusted each other, you wouldn’t ask questions like that, and they wouldn’t ask you either. And if she really cared, she’d naturally tell you things without you even having to ask.
I don’t like the way you think.
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The person asking the question is being perfectly reasonable—the man is the one acting strangely.
You shouldn’t get involved with a man who doesn’t understand the risks of leaking someone’s personal information. If I were in her position, I’d somehow brush it off in the moment, end things, and report him to the club for repeatedly asking for personal information and making me uncomfortable.
I’ve only asked one woman for her real name. That was because I needed it to book a flight; otherwise, I leave it entirely up to the woman.
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I don’t think it’s really a matter of whether someone is suited to it or not. I think it comes down to personal preference. I understand that using a club name and having a certain persona is necessary to some extent, since you’re putting information out online. But once you actually meet in person, continuing to have conversations and meet while sticking to that persona can feel kind of creepy in its own way.
Especially when you’re alone together, it just feels unnatural. Though, of course, that’s just my personal feeling. I understand that other people may see it differently, so I leave that up to them.
I’m the type who tells them my real name the first time we meet, lol. I’m not planning to have an arrangement where I need to hide my real name, so I’m fine with it.
That doesn’t mean I ask, “So, what’s your real name?” I understand that there’s no trust yet, so I don’t ask. Still, quite a few women introduce themselves right away. When that happens, I’ll ask, “Are you sure it’s okay to tell me that so easily? I could be some weirdo, you know?” lol
The responses vary, but I’m honestly happy that she was willing to take that risk and tell me. It feels like a step forward—as if we’ve reached an understanding that we’ll treat each other with consideration for our social standing.
I think the way someone takes risks, gauges personal boundaries, and reads people all comes down to instinct.
If someone insists that they don’t want you to touch on the subject ever, or has rigid rules about it, I start wondering whether they have some past trauma, don’t trust me, or are planning to do something dishonest to me. My guard will naturally go up too, and we’ll probably end up drifting apart.
But that’s also just a matter of compatibility, so it’s not about one of us being wrong, lol.
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It’s quite possible that papa (a male supporter) just happened to be the type who wanted to know more, but I get the feeling you may not be particularly suited to this. At least, it might be difficult for you to make a lot of money... Sorry.
In my case, I often read people fairly carefully before sharing personal information and getting to know them more deeply. The thing is, people in this world tend to be suspicious of one another, so it’s hard to earn their trust without revealing most of my own information. It also helps distinguish me from women seeking a transactional relationship.
That said, everyone has their own way of doing things, so I don’t think you need to force yourself to share anything you’re uncomfortable with.
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I don’t think it’s for me.
How much personal information someone shares is up to them, but I haven’t continued seeing women whose real names I didn’t know.
If I try to ask about something and they hide it or refuse to tell me, I feel that, as a man, I can’t develop a deeper relationship with them.
Of course, I also use common sense and only ask about things I feel are appropriate to ask.
For example, I don’t ask about their nearest station, company name, or their family members’ occupations, since there’s no particular need for me to know those things.
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This is probably a minority opinion, but you’re not cut out for it.
As the saying goes, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Honestly, how special is your last name? It’s not like they’re asking you to tell them where you live.
That said, it’s not just men—there are always a certain number of seriously unhinged people out there. And generally speaking, women do seem to find themselves in dangerous situations more often than men imagine, so I understand being cautious.
But still, judge the person by their words and actions. That’s what “nothing ventured, nothing gained” is about.
And I’m sure you understand this, dear papas: “I told you mine, so you tell me yours” is incredibly uncool. Don’t do it. You’re making young women ask questions like this. Take a good, hard look at yourselves.
What I dislike about this question is the wording, “Am I not cut out for this?” It clearly demands the answer, “No, that’s not true.” I call that “shaking someone down for a ‘That’s not true.’” In other words, it’s a thug’s tactic.
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Your thinking is absolutely right. Even if you become close, you shouldn’t reveal too much. If he gets seriously attached and starts stalking you, things could become very difficult. It’s best to give all your male supporters the same cover story, so you won’t have to worry about mixing up what you told each person.
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No, I think the questioner’s view is pretty normal—in fact, probably the majority view.
I think the people who bring it up at the first meeting or before they’ve even gotten close are the unusual ones.
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