I’d like to share my experience about what to do with a monthly allowance arrangement during periods when you can’t meet 😭😭
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I also had an experience where it became difficult to meet my long-term monthly-arrangement papa (the same two years as the previous poster!) every month because he was transferred for work.
The monthly allowance was generous—an amount that made it seem like my papa wanted me exclusively—and he also gave the impression that he didn’t want me seeing anyone else.
He asked me to continue seeing him even after his transfer, so I asked, “What will happen to my allowance?” He put the question on hold at the time, saying, “Let’s figure it out together,” but after we parted, he messaged me: “I realized that worrying about money came before worrying about not being able to see me, and I feel it would be difficult for us to continue seeing each other.” Just like that, we broke things off... 😭
Of course, I was sad that I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore, but I was also concerned about what would happen to my allowance, and I felt that it would affect whether we continued seeing each other or not. (I didn’t tell him, but I was also preparing to look for another papa.)
I thought we had gotten along well over those two years, so it was really painful to be told over LINE, so casually, that it was over.
It happened a long time ago, but seeing the previous question brought it all back and made me wonder what the right way for me to respond would have been...
What would have been the right way to handle it?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
When it’s time to part ways, it’s always pretty straightforward.
The only difference is whether they delete the chat without reading it or explain the reason over LINE.
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I think this is probably the right approach:
Say, “We don’t need to do an allowance—let’s just grab dinner sometime!” Then actually go on a dinner date. If the papa (male supporter) ends up wanting to be intimate, you become intimate. Then he’ll probably give you an allowance anyway.
That’s the right answer.
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Men often lose interest as soon as money comes up.
But even if you hadn’t mentioned the allowance, things might still have ended, so keep looking for someone else.
There are plenty of women, but there are plenty of men too. Don’t dwell on it—move on to the next one.
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Early and Aya are right.
It might have been worth meeting him at least once, even if the allowance ultimately wasn’t what you hoped for, just to see how he would respond.
If the allowance hasn’t been clearly discussed, you can always look for someone else at the same time.
If “I’m lonely” doesn’t come out instinctively instead of “What’s the allowance?” then you’re only second-rate as a papa-katsu girl.
Marika
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I feel like “What’s going to happen to my allowance?” may have been the one thing you really shouldn’t have said in that situation. As a papa, he probably wanted to hear that you would mainly miss him…
If it were me, as wrong as it may be, I’d quietly look for another papa while waiting to see how he responds.
Unfortunately, I think being able to keep smiling even if your allowance were reduced comes from having enough financial leeway. Besides, he may not have been planning to reduce your allowance at all just because of his transfer.
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If you ask, “So, what about the allowance?” it really kills the mood.
If it comes from the woman, it’s especially off-putting…
As with the previous question, don’t bring it up. Let the man think about it himself.
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The moment your papa didn’t bring up an allowance, I think the best move would have been for you not to mention it either and to quietly look for other papas without letting him find out.
Since this is a relationship built around money, you both should understand that money is important. Still, psychologically speaking, I feel it would have been better if you had held back from bringing it up yourself.
I’m open about seeing multiple people, so I’ve never demanded that anyone be exclusive. However, when the other person ends up focusing solely on me, I do feel a certain sense of responsibility.
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I think that man intended to end things from the start
(since it’s hard to meet when you live far apart).
So I feel the outcome would have been the same no matter how you handled it.
Come to think of it, long-distance couples must have had it tough back before cell phones existed...
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