My papa messaged me saying, “I don’t like how slow your replies are, how casually you decide what we do when we meet, and how your communication feels halfhearted.”
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I told him I wanted to meet his expectations, so I asked him to tell me how often he’d like to meet, how frequently he’d like to communicate, what he’d like to do together, and so on. He replied:
“What you’re saying, 〇〇, is valid, and my way of thinking isn’t wrong either. There’s no single right answer to this kind of thing, so I think it’s important for us to respect each other’s values and meet halfway. Let’s talk it over properly another day.”
This is the second time something like this has happened, and honestly, I couldn’t help thinking, “Not again…”
What does this papa actually want?
He originally told me that he doesn’t communicate very often…
Women at work often say things like this to me, and it’s honestly a hassle. I usually ignore them, and after a while, they come back and apologize. That’s generally how it goes.
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That said, if you respond perfectly to everything that guy considers ideal, he might say you’re too good at it and seem like a pro, or ask you to show him the “real” ○○-chan, lol.
If he starts talking in loaded, indirect ways, try responding with a blank, puzzled look, lol. He’ll probably follow up with something like, “No, ○○-chan, you’re right. You haven’t done anything wrong, but…” and then launch into all kinds of poetic lines.
Fight poetry with poetry, lol. How about replying with metaphors of your own, like, “You are both the moon and the sun,” or, “I want to see you so badly that I end up not wanting to see you at all”?
Sorry, sorry—I’m giving you silly advice because it’s someone else’s problem, lol. But if you can’t find a way to enjoy the hassle, there’s really no point.
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Why was the part saying, “What ○○ (I) said was correct,” left out?
I think it would be easier to understand the issue if the questioner included exactly what they said to the other person, without omitting that part.
Maybe you replied something along the lines of, “I’m not constantly checking LINE, so I can’t respond immediately.”
If so, I don’t think that was a very good response, and I can understand why the other person then said, “Let’s talk it over properly another day.”
I can’t really say without knowing what kind of exchange you had, but if you find these kinds of interactions a hassle, you could take the initiative and say:
“If my slow replies bother you, it’s difficult for me to change that, so let’s end things here.”
That seems like a reasonable way to bring things to a close.
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I know because I’m like that too (lol), but those kinds of papas are very self-absorbed and needy. What a handful.
Still, if you respond to their demands as much as you reasonably can, you might be able to get quite a bit out of them. Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but when you open your legs, try opening them a little wider. They might even sob with emotion.
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This papa (a male supporter) wants to genuinely connect with you.
Even though this is a transactional relationship, perhaps you’ve taken the “transactional” part a little too far?
Of course, this kind of arrangement is ultimately one where you’ll part ways someday. But while you’re together, he wants you to be present and engaged with him.
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It’s great that you’re really taking the time to communicate openly (*^^*)
So, even though you discussed things during your first meeting, he’s asking to talk it over again this time.
He may have compromised too much during the first discussion and perhaps still wasn’t completely satisfied deep down (>_<). At first, he probably didn’t intend to message you that often, but he may have gradually started developing genuine feelings.
At the end of your next conversation, you might want to find the right moment to say something like:
“I understand that you want us to gradually share and understand each other’s values, but having these discussions so many times is becoming difficult for me too…”
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Are they testing how far you’ll go along with their selfishness? Are they just seeking attention?!
Still, I think it’s great that you can openly discuss what you don’t like and how you want things to be. If they really didn’t like you, they could simply end things, so the fact that they’re telling you honestly probably means they care about you.
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You’re in your thirties, so surely you understand by now.
The “not very often” in “I don’t contact people very often” is based on his own subjective judgment. Besides, how frequently someone contacts you is a separate issue from how quickly they reply or what they say.
I think what you really want is to encourage him to reply quickly and in a way that makes you feel valued.
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When I get questions like this, I can’t help wanting to say, “Why not just break up with him?”…
I’m not sure what that papa wants either, but I assume you have your reasons for being unable to end things with him.
If that’s the case, then no matter how often he changes what he says or how much of a hassle it is, you’ll have to accommodate him.
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