I can’t help but relate to the question about men in sexless marriages signing up for sex and treating themselves as nothing more than a tool for satisfying their sexual needs.

Some men are only after physical intimacy, while some women are only after money, so mismatches are bound to happen. I don’t know how much allowance you’re receiving, but earning that kind of money through other means probably isn’t easy. So I think your options are either to put up with the relationship and continue, or to cut back on your spending.

I’m not trying to bad-mouth the papa you’re seeing. But a relationship that’s only physical can be painful, can’t it? I have two criteria for choosing a PJ as a favorite and upgrading her to a monthly arrangement. One is her appearance—I won’t deny that. But just as important to me is whether she’s someone worth investing in and helping develop. By “helping her develop,” I mean helping her acquire the ability to earn money through business. Of course, we do have sex. I have sexual desires, after all. So it may be true that the allowance is partly for that. But that kind of relationship isn’t enjoyable, so I help her grow as a businesswoman. In other words, I absolutely won’t put someone on a monthly arrangement if she has no motivation to work hard at business. Separate from the allowance for the monthly arrangement, I give them extra money to attend seminars, buy them laptops, teach them how online businesses work from the ground up, and help them study taxes. I have them register as sole proprietors—sometimes I even go with them—and teach them bookkeeping. I support them in every way I can. For girls who are job hunting, I help with that too. I’ll help with their essays, and I continue the monthly allowance during their job-search period, but I generally prohibit adult dates during that time. We hardly even go out for meals. Instead, I meet them and help with anything related to their job search. That becomes our substitute for dating. Helping them develop is more enjoyable to me, and I don’t want to get in the way of their lives. It’s impossible to plan your life around allowances alone. Even the amount I give is only a temporary thing. So my way of repaying these women is to help them become able to support themselves even after they leave papa-katsu. I’m sure there are other papas who enjoy helping women grow, too. So please don’t give up on meeting someone wonderful—keep looking ahead.

I think everyone is probably just putting up with it. You don’t need to give so much of yourself that it makes you mentally unwell. Take it in moderation. And get a regular job.

Probably not. If you’re going to put up with something either way, you’d be better off earning money another way.

I don’t understand how this turned into “revenge” when you were enjoying seeing each other. I also don’t see the point in continuing with someone you hate so much that you’re thinking about getting revenge.

> Meet him with your heart completely detached, for your own sake and for the money. What kind of mindset would allow me to see him with the same romantic, role-playing attitude as before? I think men can tell when their partner’s feelings have changed. When your feelings change, your behavior naturally changes too. I wouldn’t recommend doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) solely for the money.

If you’ve already come to terms with it that much, then I guess all you can do is put up with it. Or work yourself to the bone by juggling three part-time jobs. If you want to make a decent amount of money in a short time, you’ll just have to force a smile, put up with it, and keep meeting him. I don’t really have any advice for you. Marika