I’m a member in my 40s who’s always grateful for the help I receive here.
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Thank you as always for your insightful answers.
Since the discussion about allowances has been continuing, I’d like to take the opportunity to ask a question as well.
When I previously asked a question, I was told that rather than the amount of the allowance, what matters is how to continue seeing that papa (a male supporter), and that really made sense to me.
I’m grateful to have received the offer, and we’ve continued on to a second date.
Today, I’d like to ask this for future reference.
From the man’s perspective, I wonder what it feels like to be offered an allowance based solely on appearance, without first finding out whether you’re physically compatible. (Though I suppose if he says there’s no need to continue seeing each other, that’s the end of it…)
If I were in the papa’s position, I think I’d want to try things once before deciding on the allowance.
(Though generous (well-paying) papas who don’t care about the money are a different story♡)
I sometimes think I’d also prefer to have them see how we get along before deciding on my allowance, rather than having it based only on my appearance…
So… my naturally very submissive side is showing, and if I ever get another offer, when we discuss the allowance, what would you think of me saying, “Please assess my value”? If anything, I’d rather like to try saying it.
To begin with, I’d be extremely grateful to receive a 5… (I understand how difficult it is to earn 50,000 yen in society…)
I’m thinking I could say something like:
“After considering my appearance and figure, and seeing how we get along physically…
if you feel there won’t be a next time, I’d like to receive 3. If you’d like to see me again, I’d like to receive 4 or 5.”
As for how to phrase it, I used to be a counselor, so I think I could communicate it well. I’ve kept my counseling background hidden (people often assumed I could read their minds), and I haven’t told Universe either. However, the men who have made offers seemed pleased when I mentioned it, which just goes to show how unpredictable people can be…
Anyway, putting that aside,
what do you think of making the idea of assessing my value a straightforward proposal?
Personally, I think the sense of tension could be nice too…
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂40s👑Universe female member
Like you, I’m convinced that if he’d just try it once, I could definitely negotiate a much higher allowance.
I’ve never said it because it’s hard to bring up, but you seem like you could phrase it tactfully, so it might be worth giving it a try. If it works, let me know how you put it.
I’d like to try saying it too, haha.
Marika
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>How about proposing a specific amount outright instead of saying, “It’s up to you”?
I think simply saying, “I’ll leave it up to you,” is best.
But if you want to try something different:
- If you feel like things are going well: “I’ll leave it up to you.”
- If you’re not so impressed: “What did you have in mind?”
How about that...?
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I’ve never negotiated an allowance before and have always just accepted whatever was offered, so I think someone like you is impressive.
That said, if you say, “If you don’t think there’ll be a next time, then make it 30,000 yen,” there’s a risk he might feel like he’s being tested—or that you’re trying to reflect his feelings in the allowance, which could come across as a little scary. In other words, it may be too specific and intimidating.
If it were me, during that lovey-dovey moment right before an adult relationship begins, I might say, “I’d like you to put a value on me♡” without telling him exactly how much to pay.
That’s just my personal opinion, though. Some papas may prefer you to be specific, so try different approaches and see what works for you.
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What you’re saying is one valid way of looking at it, so I think it’s perfectly fine. As long as both people are happy, there can be all kinds of arrangements.
Personally, I don’t necessarily see the allowance as payment for intimacy, so physical compatibility isn’t a high priority for me.
What matters most is having compatible core values and making sure both people’s needs and wants align.
You can tell within five minutes of meeting for the first time, talking, and having a meal. If I sense something feels off during those five minutes, there won’t be anything after dinner or a second meeting.
When I first joined, I sometimes met someone a second time despite feeling a little uneasy, but that didn’t work out. There have also been people I kept seeing without ever having an adult relationship. Even when they asked me why, I couldn’t explain it very well. If we’re both comfortable together, that’s enough.
As I was writing this, I realized it’s the same with business. Nothing ever came of meeting a company president I didn’t instantly click with.
Your way of thinking is interesting. I imagine the papas’ reactions and how things develop will vary, so I’d love to hear the results too. Please share an update in the form of a question!
It’s me.
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Since neither of us can know for sure at the outset, I meet her at the allowance I’ve already decided on and then judge whether I’d like to see her again. In other words, I simplify the decision to two choices: meet again or not.
I also don’t decide whether I want to move on to an adult relationship with a woman I’ve made an offer to based solely on her appearance. I decide after talking with her and seeing whether I feel I’d like to be intimate with her. It’s quite common for someone who isn’t exactly my type physically to turn out to be unexpectedly fun to talk to, or much more interesting than I imagined once we become intimate. For me, conversation is more important than appearance in making that decision.
Besides, I don’t really understand all those fine distinctions about how much allowance would be appropriate. The differences between five, six, and seven—or three and four—are negligible. At least for me, it’s impossible to quantify how enjoyable a relationship is.
I believe I’ve written this before, but if the choice were between five and ten, I could at least give it some thought. So, for example, if my preference is five and the woman wants six, I simply assume it wasn’t meant to be and end negotiations.
So if I’m asked to name my price, just as when I’m told to decide for myself, I’d probably reply, “How about five?”
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