Married guys doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) while constantly worrying about their wives finding out are seriously pathetic, right? (lol)
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Don’t call me on weekends (I never intended to anyway, and it’s hilarious how full of himself he gets when he does)
Never wear cologne
Don’t hug me while you’re dressed, because your clothes will pick up the smell of my shampoo, etc.
Don’t wear glittery makeup
He keeps making all sorts of other demands, too.
In January, he kept persistently asking me to go on a hot-spring trip with him. Since he’s married, weekends are off-limits, so he suggested taking two weekdays off and going then.
My company is strict, and I’m a regular office worker, so I can hardly ever take two weekdays off. Even if I could, I don’t want to use my precious paid leave.
But he keeps asking over and over, “Do you think you can get the time off? Ideally, Tuesday and Wednesday would be best. I have to be back by Wednesday evening, so it’d be a quick trip. (As if I’d want to spend the whole day relaxing with him in the first place, lol.) I have to babysit the kids on Thursday.”
When I asked whether weekends weren’t possible, he said, “I really need to be home on weekends.”
I can’t help thinking, “Do you really want to sleep with some random woman that badly? If you’re in a position where you can’t have any fun without sneaking around and using all these little tricks, don’t join a dating club. If our schedules don’t line up, just cut me loose already.”
He seems to be making this whole scenario up in his head and getting drunk on his own act:
“She’s in love with me, but I’m married, so I somehow manage to tear myself away and go home to be a good dad in front of my wife and kids.”
I have several monthly arrangements, and they’re all full of these delusional old men.
Now that I’ve found a few generous (well-paying) supporters who are becoming regulars, I want to cut these small-fry guys loose. But before I do, I’d like to say something that really knocks him down and crushes that ridiculous pride of his.
What could I say that would hurt the most?
Also, why do married older men want to go on hot-spring trips so badly when they have such limited time? On a weekday, rushing through the trip while worrying about whether they’ll smell like another woman—and with a woman whose real name, nearest station, workplace, hometown, and education they don’t know because she hasn’t told them a single true thing about herself. Do they really enjoy going to a hot spring with someone like that???
This is Kida, the site representative.
Man, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) really is fascinating—the psychological games, I mean. Ten people have already answered your question.
I know you’re aware that blocking someone on LINE can sever the relationship in a second, and that silently blocking them is probably the most shocking thing you can do to the other person.
And I know that, deep down, you feel a little proud that they keep persistently inviting you to hot springs and want to see you whenever they can find a gap in their time with their family.
But they have a family, and since this is papa-katsu, neither of you can truly take things seriously.
You and your papa (a male supporter) are both in love with each other. Go to the hot springs with him on a weekday. Treasure this once-in-a-lifetime connection and the time you have together.
When you feel you really can’t go on, all you can do is express your gratitude and affection, then give him a clean goodbye.
That would probably hurt your papa the most.
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Oh, there was a question like this? I skipped over it yesterday while I was on a date.
It’s only natural for him to meet women without telling his wife. Anyone who doesn’t care about that at all would be crazy.
As for the last part, do whatever you want, questioner.
Marika
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
You’ve really let it all build up, haven’t you?
While hiding your true nature and your real feelings, you have a generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter) and a monthly-arrangement papa. In front of your papas, you put on quite the good-girl act and let them live their dreams. Good for you for working so hard.
It’s just a shame that both your writing and your true nature are so ugly.
Since an overnight hot-spring trip was too much, I wouldn’t invite you either. As I wrote in my column, when the relationship is stuck somewhere in between, the atmosphere becomes awkward and painful. That may be due to my own shortcomings, though.
You should show your papas this Q&A and tell them, “This is me.” I think they’ll be so hurt that they’ll part ways with you without much fuss.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I always feel a little heartbroken when I read questions like this.
Rather than asking, “What would hurt the most to hear?”, I have to say I don’t really understand why questions like this come up. Relationships through a dating club begin by accepting each person’s circumstances, regardless of whether they’re married or not. Even though this is anonymous, I feel people should be a little more careful about what they say, taking into account their original reasons for joining and how their activities have progressed.
Of course, we’re each responsible for our own actions. I do feel for the person asking this question, but if they’ve decided they aren’t able to have the kind of relationship they want, I can’t help thinking they’d be better off leaving the dating club as soon as possible.
That said, I do understand how you feel about asking this question.
Please don’t worry...
Sorry, this isn’t really an answer.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Weekday hot-spring trips are actually pretty cost-effective.
Even at the most expensive places, a night usually costs less than ¥100,000. (There are occasionally rooms that exceed that, but they’re usually unusual luxury inns, such as high-end maisonette-style accommodations.)
And since you’ll usually be drinking sake or shochu, it costs less than one-tenth of what you’d spend on wine or champagne at a hotel.
Apparently, some rather sharp-tongued hostesses say, “Customers often invite me to hot springs, but I can afford to go myself.”
In other words, as you already understand, the reason this papa is inviting you to a hot spring on a weekday is because he operates in that kind of financial sphere.
If you’re not interested, your only option is to quietly say goodbye. Don’t waste energy thinking about getting the last word in—leaving efficiently is more “cost-effective.”
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I’m a male member—a total loser.
I’m typing this while taking a dump in the bathroom.
It’s cold, especially this morning.
To make sure no one develops feelings like the person asking this question, I give them a very generous allowance.
Even if they ask to stay overnight, I refuse. I only travel with one girl, and that’s only because she kept asking me. We go on weekends.
When she invited me, I gave her 500,000 yen for a three-day, two-night trip. That was separate from the actual expenses like transportation and the hotel, and there was no adult relationship.
Of course, the bonus was that she immediately started pressing me with, “When can we travel again? I want to go to ○○ next time!”
Being a papa (a male supporter) is pretty tough too.
Still, the trip was fun. An absolutely stunning beauty walked around town with her arm linked through mine the entire time. We were in a tropical country where nobody knew either of us.
If she invites me again, I’ll probably go. Since I understand that there are women who might develop feelings like the person asking this question, I would never invite her myself, though.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here with an answer.
The wording of this question is awful. Is some guy from “Warawara” pretending to be a woman and writing this?
“Unbelievable.”
“He keeps hitting on me.”
“What a careless woman.”
“Does he just want to sleep with me?”
“Cut me off.”
“Delusional old man.”
“Small fry.”
It’s full of such vile language that it’s painful to read.
I understand that posting this is probably just for personal satisfaction, but if this really is a question, I wish they would phrase it in a somewhat more respectable manner.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Some married older men absolutely don’t want to stay overnight or travel with papa-katsu women whose background they don’t know. I’m one of them. Absolutely not—it’s way too much hassle and mentally exhausting. I don’t want to take on the risks of staying overnight with someone like that, either.
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Seattle here.
Paid vacation days are precious toooo—I’d love to travel with you, but taking time off on weekdays is pretty difficult, sooo, if you give me ¥1 million, I’ll go with you ♥
You love me, right, ○? So you’ll give it to me, right? ♥
There was a guy in the manga *I’ll Do It Properly in My Next Life* who paid ¥860,000 to take a trip with a girl.
In my case, I’ve paid ¥200,000 to suddenly go on a trip with an underground idol. It was fun.
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I feel sorry for the generous papas supporting a woman like you—someone capable of casually writing such filthy, disgusting things.
Whether they’re married or not, you’re being intimate with men like that and receiving large sums of money you could never earn at your company.
You’re getting intimate with older men you don’t respect or admire, by your own standards, simply because you want the money.
Don’t ever forget that.
At the very least, choose someone you can feel gratitude and respect for. Though, with the lack of class you’ve shown, men like that probably wouldn’t come near you anyway.
Akari
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I’m Dai, a male member.
What’s wrong with trying not to destroy one’s family?
Since you presumably don’t have a family of your own, there’s no way you could understand how he feels.
If he’s just a small-time papa, you should end things with him sooner rather than later.
He’ll probably be disappointed once the breakup is settled, but after a while, he’ll look for another woman.
If you seriously think one comment from you could do lasting damage, you’re seriously overestimating yourself, PJ.
These days, people use dating apps to look for potential marriage partners whose backgrounds they barely know. Are you from the Showa era, worrying so much about someone’s background that you can’t go on a trip with them?
More importantly, if neither of you is going to enjoy it, I think you should cancel the hot-spring trip.
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