After about eight dinner dates with a papa I truly loved—he was fit, handsome, funny, and always took care of his appearance—he offered to pay for my lessons, so I went to his place for the first time and received a fairly generous allowance. Nothing unpleasant happened there at all, and I felt genuinely happy and grateful to have met such a wonderful person. After that, we continued seeing each other over meals, but the other day he invited me to his place again. We didn’t discuss the allowance beforehand, but he gave me 30,000 yen. (I’m very grateful for even that much.) However, because the allowance had dropped so significantly compared with the previous time, my feelings for the papa I had loved suddenly plummeted. I became sad, wondering whether my values had changed without me realizing it—was I ultimately just someone who loved money after all?
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I honestly told him how I felt, and from the next time onward, the allowance became more than the amount I had hoped for. In the end, things worked out really well, but for some reason, my feelings still haven’t come back… Does this mean that it wasn’t actually him I loved, but the money?
If I try to look at it positively, perhaps it means that as long as I’m given enough money, I can feel excited by and fall for anyone, regardless of what they look like… But I’m not sure whether that’s okay. The time when I truly loved him was so happy, and he was the first person I had ever been able to think about fondly even when we weren’t together, so I’m a little shaken by how cold-hearted I seem. How can I learn to love him again?
I’m Osaka, a male member.
Wow lol, President Kida really said it like it is lol. That felt refreshing!
There’s a fine line between someone being “a hassle” in a fun way and someone making you think, “Please, spare me.” The questioner seems completely wrapped up in her own thoughts, but have you considered how the man feels about lowering your allowance? Your yellow warning light is flashing pretty brightly, but are your own feelings still your top priority? lol
I didn’t even need to hear the man’s side to think, “What a hassle,” so that’s all I have to say. Maybe you should be afraid that he feels the same way about you? lol
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Kida here.
That’s a long question. What a pain in the ass.
You don’t actually like that creepy guy—you love being treated like you’re incredibly important and having a high price put on you.
Eight dinner dates? Ugh. Gross…
Paying for your lessons? Ew.
Are you really that superficial—so obsessed with looks, beauty, and money? Are you a woman who’s all about specs?
Spec-Loving Woman Inc.?
Stop letting yourself be trapped by all that. You need to show more of your real self, or you’ll end up an old lady after 8,000 dinner dates!
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It’s probably because she lost trust after her allowance was lowered without her agreement.
I’d like to ask the man, not the woman, “Why would you do something like that and damage her trust in you?”
Maybe he thought, “She seems really into me, so I can probably get away with lowering it.”
Marika
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I don’t think your feelings are wrong.
If you’re okay with the allowance being reduced or even discontinued, it starts becoming a normal romantic relationship.
So maybe you don’t need to get those feelings back. You were actually getting dangerously close to falling too hard for him.
In the end, your allowance was restored, too. Rather than forcing yourself to fall for him again, why not continue seeing him while keeping those feelings—and that level of distance—just as they are?
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I get the feeling that, deep down, the questioner wasn’t satisfied with the number three. No matter how much she likes him, he’s probably married, so they can’t have an equal relationship. And yet, this is all he’s offering…!?
If it’s a relationship where both sides are taking risks, then the man should show that he’s just as committed. After all, she’s falling for him too.
That’s how I imagine she might feel. At least, that’s how I would feel.
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No matter how much I like someone, a single remark about money—even just one word—can instantly kill all my feelings. There’s no coming back from it.
That’s the nature of a relationship connected by money.
Paper Airplane
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think she was really upset not because the allowance was low, but because the man lowered it without warning.
Does that come across clearly?
She was disappointed in him, so I don’t think her feelings will come back unless she either moves on or something happens between them that makes up for it.
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